dragon12

I drink too much!! I know I have a problem but seem to crave a glass of wine everyday around 4 pm.......then drink continuously until dinner. I've tried cutting down but once I start I can't stop. What makes it worse is that my husband is actually worse than me and definitely has a drinking problem but denies it. It makes it very hard for me to stop drinking when I'm living with a heavy drinker. I feel that our drinking is really getting out of control. I have never sought help before but now feel that I need some assistance to curb my appetite. Would like to know what has helped others on this forum.

DarkDays

Stopping completely for ever has helped me in every aspect of my life.

You have nothing to lose whatsoever by stopping and everything to gain.

You said..I feel that our drinking is really getting out of control , Of course it gets out of control and it gets worse I promise you, it does not magically get better.

Welcome and good luck, there are many ways to free yourself from alcoHELL.

Natom

I also like DarkDays stopped drinking and using everything completely and it gave me a much clearer outlook on my life.

dragon12

Thanks Naton and Dark Days. I have just read your blog Naton about taking the first step with AA. I haven't even done that yet!! My attempts in the past have been to give up entirely -it never lasts more than a couple of days though, or try drinking in moderation, which is really hard when my husband is drinking a lot. I know I shouldn't blame someone else for my problem, but it makes it more difficult having someone around who is drinking. Like you Naton, the thought of going to a AA meeting is pretty scary, but I know deep down, that I cannot do it by myself. I'm also a bit wary of the religious aspects to AA as I'm not into religion.

Natom

The thing about AA/NA is it's not all about religion. If you keep trying to give up on your own and it's not working then perhaps you should try giving AA a go. Try getting to a few different meetings. It seems that most people are put off the 12 step fellowships because they think it is a bunch of religious nutjobs. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm planning on writing a blog on what to expect from your first AA/NA meeting and it should be up at some point tomorrow.

Dee74

Welcome aboard Dragon12

many of our members live with drinkers - it's a challenge for sure but it's not an impossible one

I think support is very important...coming here to SR is a great start...if you're interested in recovery programmes like AA that would be another level of support as well

There are non 12 step alternatives as well if, for whatever reason, the idea of a Higher Power is a sticking point for you:

here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

D

Pondlady

Welcome Dragon,
You sound like me last year. 4 pm found me reaching for a goblet and bottle of wine. I struggled with moderation a year ago......not successful and a waste of energy. I quit all alcohol this summer and asked my husband if he would refrain from drinking around me at first. If I saw him have a beer, I would use that as an excuse to kick back and relax with him. He asked me if I thought that's what it would take for me to be successful and I said yes, for awhile. Well, he hasn't had anything to drink since then either! We've both lost weight, walk in the evenings and shake our heads at the amount of money we used to spend on booze.

dragon12

Thanks Dee. I'm located in Australia and the only meetings close to where I live seem to be AA. I'll take on board what Naton has said and at least give it a try......although I feel that I have really reached rock bottom to be admitting publicly that I need help with alcoholism.

dragon12

Thanks Pondlady for your support. Trouble with my husband is that he doesn't believe he has a problem. Yes, it costs us an absolute fortune every week because my husband will only drink "good" wine as well as bourbon. Also, I can relate to the weight gain.....I call my stomach my "wine belly"

Dee74

sorry Dragon the 'SanFrancisco' threw me

here's some Aussie links in case you haven;t seen them:

Alcoholics Anonymous
SMART Recovery Australia |

D

dragon12

Yes, I've just relocated back to Oz from San Francisco. Thanks Dee.

Natom

The first step is your admission of your problem. Once you have taken this step you can begin to start your journey of recovery. It is a varied journey. It has highs and lows, pain and joy, sadness and happiness. But you get through it all sober and clean. You learn to deal with what life is throwing at you and that is the best thing about it. Once you have been through suffering and pain you learn to appreciate true joy in your life.

A sunset, a walk on the beach. Sitting in the park on a summers day. Going to funfairs and shows. The true joys you get in your life. They are all so much better than the synthetic joy we get at the bottom of a bottle or a bag.

Anna

Welcome!

It's good that you have admitted you need support with your efforts to stop drinking. We are here to help and we do understand how hard this is. As Dee said, many of our members live with drinkers and though it's a challenge, it can be done. The main thing is to keep the focus on yourself and your recovery. SR is a great place to come for inspiration and support.

artsoul

Welcome dragon!

I agree with the others that support is the key. Welcome to a great community!

ashbyee

Anna is 100% correct. The focus has to be on you and your recovery. I always had a hard time with this concept. I am a mother to 6 children- how could it be about me when I have so many to care for. Thing is- I was doing a half ass job taking care of my children with a hangover- so now i am up at 4:30am working out before my children wake and am full of energy.

My husband and I use to drink together. Every night - wine. it's over. I don't want alcohol in my life any longer - I am not living my life to the fullest with a stupid hangover. I am on 40 days and it has not been that hard - because I really, really want to live a sober life. What has helped me more than anything is Rational Recovery and AVERT.

You can do this. Put it at the top of your bucket list. Life is SO much better without a stupid hangover. Three hours of drinking and 18 hours of felling like crap. Do the math best of luck! I am pulling for you.

Ps: the weight falls off without those empty cals

dragon12

Thanks guys. I understand about the hangovers and about putting myself first. Thanks for your support.

MrsKing

It would be easier for you and better for your husband if you both gave up drinking, but it isn't possible to persuade anyone to do that if they're not ready. Living with people who drink can be difficult, but so long as you believe in yourself and have an unwavering determination to quit, you will be fine. Temptation is everywhere... I know that having an alcohol free zone at home would be great in the early months, but there will be times in the future when you will be around others drinking. My husband drinks at home - there are always beers in the fridge. At first it was all about getting used to it, but now they don't even do anything to my brain when I open the fridge... they're just non-items.

You can be sober! You just have to stop drinking.

Wishing you all the best.

dragon12

Thanks Mrs King - yes, I've got to believe in myself. Today has been pretty easy as I'm hungover and just started taking anti depressants so I'm feeling a bit nauseous. I'm hoping the anti depressants will help me with my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I'm also going to go to AA.....I've tried to do it alone and failed so many times. It's a bit scary though.

MrsKing

I'm glad you are starting the anti-depressants now, after you've quit drinking - I took anti-depressants and drank at the same time and they did absolutely nothing. They just don't work properly when you drink. I don't know whether it was a combination of both my quitting drinking and the anti-depressants being able to work, or whether it was just the quitting drinking alone, but my depression has really lifted and I'm sure yours will too if you stick at this. Being depressed and anxious is no fun at all and I know that the cycle of depression, anxiety and drinking is a horrendous situation to be in.

Don't be afraid. I've never been to AA but I know from the amount of people on here that swear by it that they will look after you and help you.

The most important thing, though, is to help yourself and know that you deserve a fulfilling, happy sober life and you can have it - you will have it.