freshstart57

Welcome, JohntheDiver, glad you found us. My sobriety almost fell into my lap when I learned and accepted that I no longer had to drink. My hands were and still are under my conscious control, I just needed to slow down and listen to what was going on in my alcoholic brain. 30 years of drinking are solidly in my past, replaced with 13 months of sobriety.

You can stop drinking if you choose to, you can make your plan to stop drinking. Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?

johnthediver

Thanks Krispy87,

I wish you all the best too, today is my day 6, its still very hard, yesterday (day 5) was the worst so far, thats why i reached out for a forum like this, but today feels a little easier so far ( i'm sure it will be tough again when teatime or 'beer o'clock' comes around) I know Ive got a long way to go, but i'm only a day and a half from making it to a week, i don't think ive gone with out alcohol for that long in about 15 years.

freshstart57,
I'm in the mindset that i'd still like a beer and want to have a healthy relationship with alcohol (like the majority) but i'm under no illusions that that's just not going to be an option. I'm still taking it a day at a time, even when i thought just then about going a week without drinking, instantly my mind went to ' ive done well- i may deserve a treat' mode. Before i could stop it it was saying to me- 'you can have a beer its not the end of the world youve done 7 days...' I need to keep focused on tomorrow then the day after, then the next day. I mentioned i'm back to the UK at the end of the month to see family and friends, by then i should be near the 30 day mark and i'm going to let them all know in advance that i've given up drinking- I'm ashamed to tell them that its a real issue in my life, but i'm pretty sure (i hope) that they will accept it.

freshstart57

There is a complete body of work that deals with those statements we make to ourselves justifying a drink when our rational mind knows better, and it's called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique or AVRT. It doesn't make life magically better but it does give you a way to accept and not act upon those urgings. Lots of info by googling AVRT.

KaeHot323

Congrats on 5 days John!!I joined this group not too long ago and it has been the best thing going for me. Anytime you feel cravings, having a bad day, or even wanna talk about a good day there is always someone on here for support. It lets you know you're not alone in this. I did mess up once but I believe if it hadn't been for SR I would've probably been out in the water alot longer than I was. Read alot and post alot. It's therapeudic!!!!

Maples

Hi John, this is true for me because I am an alcoholic: There is no such thing as a healthy relationship with alcohol. If I try to maintain touch with it, it will destroy me. I feel that admitting that was a big deal as I spent the last 2 years imagining that "someday I will be able to handle it." It was a disaster and I fell deeper into my sickness instead of getting better.

Perhaps you know this about yourself too. Admitting it was a big step for me.

johnthediver

Well,

At the back end of day 7, and i'm actually feeling fairly good- have alot more energy. Its been my first day off since i stopped with alcohol and was a bit worried that i'd want to be in the pub like usual at 3pm. Ive kept busy and havent given myself time to think about drinking.
I must admit i did smoke a joint last night, i know thats not right, and i'm more than aware of switching one drug for another. I really have no addiction to marijuana, I use it maybe once every 2 weeks and i dont smoke otherwise. I just could not sleep last night and didnt want to waste my day today by being tired, weak and groggy.
I know its not right but just want to be up front with you all.

clight

Congrats on day 5! It will only get better for us.

johnthediver

Morning of day 8, feeling fresh and generally happier! My mind is starting to turn to how much i spent on alcohol and i'm starting to resent it, which is a good thing a suppose. Looking back I used to spend a minimum of 25% of my income on alcohol (and thats a very conservative guess).
Went to see a friend who i confided in last night and we were chatting when another mutual friend turned up unannounced, he had bought some beers with him. He doesn't know i've given up and was very quick to offer one. I declined. It was hard to sit with others while they were drinking, but i'm proud to say i didn't have anything.
I went home avoiding any shops., when i got home my AV said 'I NEED A DRINK' and as I listened to myself I though yes I need a drink, but it doesn't have to be alcohol. I grabbed and gulped down the majority of a 2 liter bottle of water and the voice disappeared! I really feel i'm making progress but am keeping on my guard as i know i've still got a long way to go. Thanks again to everybody here, the support i get here is really what i need right now.

drybuss

Keep it up it gets easier! Got any other support set up?

johnthediver

Thanks Drybuss,

Not got anything else sorted yet, I have looked at some AA meetings both in Bangkok and the UK where I'll be going over the next couple of weeks. I'm feeling quite good about things, although don't want to fall into over confidence, I'm happy with the slow and steady progress i'm making, this site is helping immensely.

freshstart57

It really is an awesome feeling when the alarm bells go off saying, 'That's the AV again right there,', and knowing that you don't listen to it. It has no power to force you to do anything. It is not doing pushups anywhere, in fact it's a helpless parasite that needs you to drink for it. Listening to yourself, as you put it, johnthediver, or watching the thoughts as they come and go, is the key to this.

You are doing just great - keep it up!

knaquila

Hi I'm also new good luck on your journey...

johnthediver

Thanks Knaquila,

Good luck with your journey too- keep strong!!

Dee74

Welcome to SR knaquila

D

johnthediver

Starting Day 9 today, got a feeling its going to be a tough one, went to a fitness class last night and was so tired i was in bed for 9pm. Unfortunately i didnt sleep well and woke up at 2, 3.30, 4.30 then decided to stay up at 5.30. Feeling groggy and a bit week, could really have done with a nice long sleep. Have got a huge meeting today with my top boss, that could go either way and depend on whether i stay in Thailand or not. Am really quite anxious about it, and the AV in my head is already giving me the ' if its good/ if its bad, you can celebrate with a drink' I really don't need a hard time today, a day away from all this withdrawal **** would be ideal but i know if i drink i'm going to be back at square one and have to do it all again.

johnthediver

sorry for swearing

artsoul

You're doing great, john - it's normal to be up and down a lot in the first weeks, a mix of good days and not-so-good days...... It will even out eventually and the bad days get fewer and further between. In fact, I continued to notice improvements well after a year sober, and it was TOTALLY worth every rough spot I had to go through. (That's coming from someone who didn't want to stop drinking, thinking life would never be fun again).

Staying in the moment helps, as does thinking about things we have to be grateful for. Also, mindfulness is a really great tool for cravings and racing thoughts.

johnthediver

Thank you artsoul,

My meeting got postponed for a day or 2, I'm not so sluggish now (its nearly lunch) To be honest i'm nowhere near as anxious about it any more either, i feel like ive got a clear head, and if things dont work out here, maybe moving away from a party island in thailand might not be the worst thing anyway!

ricmcc

Hi John, I am also new to this site, having joined Oct.3, and having last had a drink Apr.30th of this year. By this dates, you can see that I am very new to recovery, and therefore no expert by any means; by this post, you will see that I also lack some expertize in the insight and wisdom department, too. At any rate I shall proceed. I am 55 years old, and have been a drinker since my early teens, with varying periods of not drinking during those years, some of these periods lasting a number of years. This time, however, feels truly quite different from any previous time of not drinking, in that for the first time I feel like I am not merely between drinks. I think that this is because this is the first time that I have quit drinking for myself, which at first sounds selfish, but I think is not actually so, especially with regard to family and social relationships.
I believe I will post this now, and then continue, as this is my third shot at posting to this thread, the first two having been wiped out by, a) a cat jumping on to my computer, and b) for totally unknown reasons quite possibly related to my computer skills being roughly equal to those expected of say, a gerbil. I am cautious, but persistant

ricmcc

Hurray, it got posted, one more post and I will be able to answer those who have been kind enough to send me messeges, assuming that I manage to post this, of course. At any rate, to return to what I was saying.
I believe the reason that I am cautiously optimistic about my not now feeling just between drinks might be something more than transient, or at any rate hope it to be so, is actually quite mundane. It occurred to me that by drinking I was actively engaged in harming myself, yet at the same time I realized that my wife and daughter, both of whose opinions I value, both had found something in me to love, and it was therefore just possible that there was, in fact, something to me that that I might come to like, and seek to preserve, and it followed from this that I stopped drinking so as to better see what it might be within me that those closest to me value. Of course, the search for this continues, likely forever, but this is not such a bad thing, having made certain discoveries along the way. One was, why was I in the habit of saying things to myself that I would think far too vile to say to others, or in other words what had I ever done to deserve such self hatred? While certainly there are many aspects of myself I that I wish to improve, on balance, it seemed, the degree of my self-loathing could not be justified. In short, and it is hard to say something like this without feeling that I am coming across as being entirely too self satisfied, I concluded that it might make sense for me to cut myself the same breaks I would readily allow to others. So many words just to say that finding some degree self esteem has seemed to have placed me on a path that greatly reduces my compulsion to drink. Of course, drink masks problems, does not eliminate them, but at least I on occasion find solutions now, not to everything, of course, but to enough that it is now more satisfying to not drink than it was to drink. Hence my sense of cautious optimism about the possibility that life can be enjoyed rather than endured--cautious optimism I say because there are still many days when I can find no comfort within my skin, buts so far these days seem to be decreasing.
Well, I shall try to post this before either my cat or I accidentally trash it (not too sure about the cat, everyone's a critic) I hope that you or anyone find something useful in this post, I know that the writing of it has been of use to me.
Btw, Happy Thanksgiving to fellow Canadians, Happy Columbus Day to Americans, Happy whatever day to all I missed there. Hope all are well today in any case--Rick