KaeHot323

The hubby said some words to me that hurt me deeply during my ride off track for a week.

He said, "Gah! Why can't you just stop drinking? You went a month without it before! It's not that hard!" (mind you he's never been a problem drinker who tried to quit.) He also said, "Drinking was never a part of your life before you started, so you can stop it, you just don't want to." (I was too drunk to go into my 'once you form a physiologically craving it's ever as hard to break it' spiel). So once back on track for a couple of days I wanted to give him a piece of my mind and really let him have it! Instead I woke him up before I started work with a plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, and bacon with bread.

He says, "Man, you made my day today! Thank you!"

I said "You're welcome baby. Now may I ask you to please be a little less lethal with your words about something that you know is an addiction that I'm trying to do my best to break? I already told you that it's more than 'willpower' or learning to 'know your limit'. It's something I know I need to leave altogether with no going back and in that it's gonna take an everyday effort from me and I need your support and positive reinforcement."

He said, "Ok I will try to help more."

It's not like I don't want him to redirect me, believe me, I do need the reminder. What I want him to understand is how before we had knowledge we thought I knew a limit and was knowingly surpassing it. Now that we know the truth about how the body will actually crave it to feel normal and that just "having a few" is not possible ever, the words he uses should be more in line with that, just my thought. Maybe instead of saying, "Just stop it!" he should say, "What about your progress? I thought you still wanna go to school and do better on your job? That's not gonna get you there." Now that, I can handle hearing.

Natom

It's amazing the stuff that family and friends come out with. It's something I have struggled with significantly. My parents would say 'Why can't you just not do it?' or 'Why do you have to end up getting drunk, why can't you just have one?'. They care but they have a lack of knowledge around our problems. It's not their fault, they just don't know what it's like to have that crushing desire to get completely wasted all the time regardless of the consequences.

Anyway. Maybe just let him know that although he won't fully understand your problem there are certain better ways he could be helping you address it.

KaeHot323

Thank you Natom. I do have to understand it's not his fault, and I have to understand that in order to be an adult, I have to hear some words from others that may not be worded in the way I wanna hear them. That I'm putting on my "to do list."

GottaWonder

Kae, you are an inspiration! If I could be half that kind to the people I feel like punching, I would be in a much better place. I hope I can react that well in the future.

Natom

Some stuff people say you aren't going to want to hear but you are going to NEED to hear them. However this isn't the stuff you're hearing now. Perhaps just remind him subtly how many days your on or how much recovery based stuff you have been doing recently may prompt a caring response.

KaeHot323

lol GottaWonder, I guess that's primarily why I want to get that same treatment in return. I guess tact is a skill that some folks don't have. Natom, that idea just may work.

Natom

It's a change for him as well and one that you will both have to adapt too. I'm sure it will get easier over time.

KaeHot323

Yes definitely I bet it is hard for him also, with the down and up times for me. I gotta remember that. With a determination to remain sober! That way he won't have to redirect me!

Natom

You get your alcoholism and you beat the crap out of it with your recovery.

KaeHot323

I'm tellin ya!!!!!