DryScotsman

Back to square one again.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I started giving myself excuses to have a drink and finally gave in a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully no major dramas but I was starting to lie to my wife and family and claiming I was on alcohol free beer when I was drinking again. My drinking levels were rising rapidly and it was getting silly.

I had my last Guinness sitting in a field behind my house last night and mentally committed to starting again. Woke up this morning, cuddled my wife, apologised and said no more hiding behind supposed alcohol free beer as an excuse for reeking of beer. She was so understanding and my fight begins all over again.

Note to self: Must try harder!

Natom

Sometimes the little slips make the most positive effect on your recovery.

MrsKing

Welcome back

Are you going to do anything different this time?

DryScotsman

Thanks - I am staying focussed on the short term this time. I got fixated on never drinking again and the long term terrified me.

I am also going swimming and running - kill or cure!

MrsKing

Good for you. I found exercise to be a fantastic help, too... getting healthy in general made me realise that life is so much better if we look after our bodies.

MIRecovery

All of the things you are doing are good ideas but quiting drinking on your own is very difficult and there are easier ways.

I would suggest you check into differant formal recovery methods. For me AA is the only thing that worked. I tried to drink like other people for 25 years and finally I gave up. It took total defeat and AA to join the winning side.

seanie1888

Good man on getting back,
I agree with Natom the slips can be used as a positive if you learn the lesson.

My last few breaks in my sobriety has made me finally just accept that I have tipped over the point of no return to normal drinking so the only answer is none at all.

Glad your back and good luck with it

drybuss

Yeah the slips do work to remind us why we want / need to quit. As long we always gaurd against making ourselves think it's ok to slip over and over again. I was sober for 14 months before I decided to see if I could moderate. I had a total of six drinks one night, enjoyed them, felt fine in the morning, thought I could succeed at moderation and then realized I was obsessing over when I would have my next and how I was going to control it. Thats not normal! I finally decided there is no control outside of not drinking again. I also had the depressing thoughts about not being able to drink again. Like I was punishing myself for letting myself get out of control in the first place. When I changed my mindset from I "can"t drink to I "don't" drink my perspective changed. It was no longer a limitation on myself but a fact about myself. I was no longer in self punishment but felt like I had acheived my goal. I feel rewarded now instead of defeated. It may only be a mind trick but doesn't our addiction try to trick us all the time anyway? Fight fire with fire I guess. Just my two and a half cents I hope it helps. Stay dry!

Itchy

WB!
The long term scared me too. I was getting too close to the long term dirt nap! I barely pulled out in time. I hope you put together a lifetime of short times all strung together.

2granddaughters

D.S. you sound like me just before I quit....

The only thing I might suggest is substitute "must surrender" in place of "Must try harder".

All the best from a dry Scot in Canada.

Bob R

Dee74

welcome back DS

I think it's fine to focus on day to day if thats what it takes...but I'd recommend you do more than try harder...I tried harder a hundred times, but I was still doing the same things...and the results were pretty inevitable

look around - there's always things you can do better, always things you can add - they're usually the things you know would be good for you but you don't want to do lol

D

hypochondriac

Well done for being honest

Have you got any other support too or looked into anything to help with your thinking patterns? I found that to be an easy thing to slide... starting to allow myself excuses why I should be able to drink. It takes more vigilance than I can muster to keep those thoughts away so staying accountable to other people really helps, like AA or posting more on here x

fallingtogether

Welcome back. I'm back to square one too. But this time I am going to aa. I will do this, it's a matter of life and death. I have no choice.