free2luv26

I am new to the sober recovery community so I think I need to introduce myself. My drug use was a rollercoaster ride that I was glad to get off of. I first got clean a few years ago and was fine for 2 years. I then relapsed so I got into treatment. Then relapsed yet again. I have now been clean since July of this year and Im happy with the way things are going. I have no intention of using. I dont even think about it anymore. Before I started this new treatment I never went to meetings but it is a requirement that I attend. The only thing is, when I walk in I feel scared, insecure and uncomfortable. I sit in the back and pray to God they dont look to me to speak. Thinking about the few that Ive been to scares be so bad even writing this. Im not comfortable speaking in groups or to people I dont know. Ive always been this way. I do think meetings are good for my sobriety but Im much more comfortable here. I just joined but Ive opened up here in the last few minutes than any of the meetings Ive been to. Also, the only meeting close to my area is an AA meeting. There are no NA meetings close enough for me to get to each week. I need to open up and talk about my past but every time I do I tense up and get very panicky. I literally cried after getting in my car after the meetings I went to. Do these insecurities ever go away?

Casmasta

I have been going to meetings for 5 months, and have only spoken in one of them. I still think my brain tries to keep up with all the information being given to me..
I have a friend I go with who has been in recovery for 2 years now, and when we leave, I process all the information I've received, and discuss my thoughts with her.
I'm building up to talking, but it's taking time.
I think just being there helps enough for now.
I think once you get comfortable enough, it'll just come out.
Maybe continue going to the same meetings all the time, and seeing the same people will help?

MemphisBlues

I hope you are warmly received in the one meeting you attend. There is no requirement to talk. If they call on you or it's your turn, just say you will pass today.

And in my neck of the world, NA and AA people routinely go to either meeting. It's rare when addicts go to AA and are encouraged not to share about their addictions, but those meetings dominated by "true alcoholics" are out there.
The important thing is that you are taking steps to secure your sobriety. Good stuff.

FenwayFaithful

No one will force you to talk if you don’t want to. If they do the kind of thing where everyone goes around the room to share a story simply say “I pass” I find meetings super scary too. Luckily at my first meeting (which was only a week ago) a girl around my age came up to me and introduced herself and has kind of taken me under her wing. I haven’t gone to a meeting alone yet I mostly stick with her but she goes every day so it works out for me.
I’ve started staying after meetings to help clean up or go out with the smokers and I find that’s a good way to meet people. If you feel brave enough to identify yourself as a new comer then people will welcome you and other men will probably come up to you after.
I know it’s really scary but you have to remember everyone has been where you are and no one is judgeing. I am still not in a place where I feel comfortable sharing with the group. I’ve spent a lot of meetings sitting staring at my hands and taking a few minutes to go smoke a ciggerate and just calm down. If you feel like you need a breather simply step out for a moment. Meetings can be a little intense at first.

But having just one familiar face or person you’re friendly with can REALLY help. It’s too bad that no one has reached out to you yet but maybe they simply don’t realize that you’re new and need them too. Maybe at the end of a meeting you can introduce yourself to the chairperson and they can direct you to someone who can be your meeting buddy or even a sponsor might be helpful. But that’s a different kind of relationship (I assume) and having a meeting buddy has really helped me with my nervousness in meetings.
But don’t feel pressure to talk until you’re ready. Just going and listening and processing the information is very useful.

RobC420

In my experience, the insecurities have not gone away completely but they are nothing like they were in the first couple months of recovery. I was nervous going to meetings, but I went knowing that it was what I had to do to get and stay sober and I had the willingness to do whatever I had to do. It helped me greately to get a sponsor so that I could share these things with someone who would keep a confidence. Over time, I quickly found that everybody I have met has had similar experiences of being scared and insecure at the meetings in the beginning of sobriety. It seems to be completely normal from what I have seen/heard.

I am very greatful that I continued to go to meetings. Eventually I met people and people began to know me. I found people that I genuinely got along with. It's been a year and a half and today I love going to meetings because it is where all my friends hang out. For a happy jopyous and free life, I believe I need the program in my life. That program including: a sponsor, meetings, the book, the steps, etc, etc, etc.

Keep Coming Back!

Sapling

You don't have to say anything ever.....But I think one day you will. Those feelings go away with time. And it's fine for you to go to AA....Same steps as NA....Read the Book. Listen. And at some point you'll need to find a sponsor to take you through the steps. Here is a good site for you to look at. Lot of good info.

Your First AA Meeting<

Dee74

Welcome to SR free2luv26

D

free2luv26

Well, I have attended a few meetings now and its not so bad. I havent talked yet but I will!!=) I swear tho, Im not taking this whole thing seriously. Im not using but I dont feel serious about my meetings like I should be. I have to get serious. I joined this site in October and this is my first time coming back since. Im just now seeing everyone's replies. Thank you all btw. I dont know what did it but seeing that you all care enough to take the time out to encourage me lifts my spirits tremendously. Although, I feel like a piece of crap because Im taking any of this seriously. Its like, I only started going to the meetings because it was a requirement from my doctor. I feel like a fraud. The requirement is I attend at least one meeting a week and Ive attended my one for the week but I think Im going to the one tonight. Something has clicked in my brain this morning and I think.....I KNOW Im ready to take this seriously. I appreciate all of your comments. That, among other things, has made me make this important decision. Please pray I dont mess up because I feel like I might. Now, I know I wont use but I just want to be serious about my recovery. Thank you all=-)

Quinne

The wonderful thing about sharing (I find, anyway) is that I never know who it may help. Oldtimers, other newcomers, observers.....trust me, I understand the anxiety-I used to get a tremor in my voice and would blush so furiously (chest and face), that I'd deliberately wear a scarf, a high-neck top, or even take an antihistamine before a meeting! To this day, I still wonder about half of what comes out of my mouth! I used to I.D. and after being told by my home group Secretary that I should get off my backside and share, I started to-only because I was a little intimidated by him. That, and I knew he was right in that it would help me, too. I now have the viewpoint that i'm talking amongst friends when asked to share & that it isn't actually public speaking

Xx

serious

personally i feel that forcing anyone to attend a meeting is wrong.

healing and attending meetings should be your choice. ultimately you may come to terms with it, and get comfortable, and possibly open up and speak up.
however, it should never be mandatory ...
don't think that you must attend the meetings or speak at them or if you don't ... then "you are a fraud".

you've been clean since july. there's nothing fraudulent about that
if you find that despite your previous views the meetings are actually helping, then keep on attending and keep on learning. you'll get comfortable in due time, on your own terms.

sugarbear1

Meetings originally existed "so the newcomer could find us."

The talk at a meeting is supposed to be how the steps are working in one's life. They aren't meant to be group therapy. No one needs to talk and those who are talking who haven't yet worked the 12 steps are not talking about the solution.

If I stop drinking alcohol and life gets better, then alcohol was the problem and the solution is not to drink alcohol.

If I stop drinking and I am feeling anxious, depressed, irritable, restless, discontent and I want to commit homicide or suicide, then alcohol was my solution and alcoholism is my problem so a method for recovery (in AA the program is working the 12 steps) is needed and will be my new solution to living comfortably in my own skin and living a well rounded life.

Meetings exist so I can find a sponsor, someone who has changed their perspective on life and who are living in the manner in which they talk (walking the talk, not just sharing stuff at a meeting to turn around and act foolishly outside of a meeting).

There are all kinds of people at meetings. There are all kinds of meetings. Meetings don't keep me sober. Working the steps in my life keeps me sober and as a result of working through those steps, I find that there really might be a power greater than I....

My life is manageable today, my anxieties have left me, my irrational fears don't exist, I have a group of friends who truly care about me and don't have a problem telling me what I need to hear as opposed to validating my "irrational stuff".....

Yes, I could recite J's story every time he raises his hand; and he seems miserable as he talks about not completing those steps (indirectly or directly), he romanticizes and lists the kinds of drinks he drank....he has almost 11 years of continuous sobriety as he shares the same thing every single morning....

Or G's talk which makes me crazy as he opposes everything in the big book and tells you the court system sent him to meetings over 30 years ago (because of his DUI) .....and meetings keep him sober....yeah, his life is still a mess, he hasn't worked the steps, he gets to meetings and "helps" the newcomer and he's sober, he'll tell ya. Another miserable person living sober through the rooms of AA....

There's all kinds of people in AA. I have a group of people in my life who attend AA meetings and watch their motives for doing so, they might have religion in their life, too and are active in that realm, they work and save their money today, they volunteer their time, they have people in their homes for sober socials or we go out together to a myriad of places....they are working the steps of recovery in all that they do, they are generous souls who care about others wherever they are....these are the kind of people I enjoy being around today.

The mere fact that I enjoying being with other people today, this is change! I once was so anxious going to the grocery store was a tremendous chore.

Elisabeth888

I felt as you do and what helped me was time and meeting and talking/hanging out with people from AA.

Also, if they call on you say " Thank you, I am just listening tonight".

MIRecovery

Sugarbear, good stuff and honest. AA meetings are not all rainbows and unicorns. Working the steps keeps us sober by changing us and talking at meetings allows us to share what has worked.

SoulKat

I am similar. I always have a problem with new meetings. Once you go to the same meeting for a while and you kinda get to know people and them you, it gets easier.

Junebugapril

I don't get that much out of meetings, either. I also don't like big rooms full of strangers, even if they are kind and warm to me. This forum is much easier for me to express myself in. Don't beat yourself up if the meetings are not your thing. They are not for everyone. I started getting sober a month ago. I still go to meetings, because I do get something out of them. But I do feel like an alien that doesn't belong there, so I understand how you feel.

MIRecovery

I have been told by every AA I have ever met with long term sobriety that meetings are an essiental part of recovery. I pay attention to these people because they are doing something right and so far they have not lead me astray. My way of doing things got me into the mess I was in so I started to listen to those who know more than I.

It has worked out well for me.

Junebugapril

MR - that makes a lot of sense. It's why I keep going even being uncomfortable. I also look at my long time friend who has been sober for 28 years, he says he owes it all to AA.

MIRecovery

AA has been a bitter pill for me to swallow more than once but I am a logical sort of person. I see a ton of people with long term sobriety. They are happy and content with life. They all tell me the same thing about how they stay sober more or less but not one of them says, "Meetings are un-necessary."

I have surrendered to the program. I view surrender as joining the winning side. Bitter pill or not I want what they have so I have to do what they do.

I am tired of fighting so I do what I am told by people who are more successful than I.

free2luv26

So, I finally did it. I went to the meeting tonight fully committed to working the program and the steps and to opening up. I have completed step one and I am so proud of myself. I have been having a hard time this past week and I told myself this morning "I NEED A MEETING" So, I committed myself to it and I went and came out feeling so much better. I was nervous and my voice was shaky and while I was speaking I felt as tho I was babbling but I did it. I dont know how many times I said "Im nervous" but I took that first step and couldn't be more thrilled about it. One of the home group members said we dont know how to help someone unless they open up. This was said after I spoke up. The people there are nothing like I thought they were. They genuinely want to help. My first few meetings I felt unwelcome but I now know I felt that was because of my own insecurities. Another member said meetings alone will not keep you clean. I am thankful to have had those dreams because I am now fully committed to this!=) Thank you all for your wisdom, encouragement, and kind words