dsifferent
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 11
dsifferent
I was just reading a post from scarlette but decided this wasnt an answer but
a different question. I see all these beatiful and supportive posts but have not found one that totally matches me. So...here goes...i started drinking 15 yrs ago to save my marriage because he drank...now after 25 yrs of marriage...i am further into it than he...its a lovely thought that i can just pour out all the alcohol and it will go away...but my DH likes me drinking...bitch is..i dont like me and he's not pouring anything out...i have a distinct feeling that if i give up alcohol...i am giving him up..for the record i havent bought any but there is coveniently a twelve pack of coronos in my fridge...anybody out there in any same situation would helps
a different question. I see all these beatiful and supportive posts but have not found one that totally matches me. So...here goes...i started drinking 15 yrs ago to save my marriage because he drank...now after 25 yrs of marriage...i am further into it than he...its a lovely thought that i can just pour out all the alcohol and it will go away...but my DH likes me drinking...bitch is..i dont like me and he's not pouring anything out...i have a distinct feeling that if i give up alcohol...i am giving him up..for the record i havent bought any but there is coveniently a twelve pack of coronos in my fridge...anybody out there in any same situation would helps
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
I don't know that you will ever find a situation exactly like yours, but there have been posts by people whose spouse doesn't want them to quit drinking. Some even deliberately sabotage the efforts of the one working on recovery.
It seems that you have a decision to make. Which is more important, recovery or your marriage? Of course, you don't know for a fact that your husband would leave if you quit drinking. It is obvious that he doesn't understand alcoholism because he isn't an alcoholic. If he can take it or leave it, he doesn't understand why you aren't able to do the same thing. However, that is still no excuse for him to bring alcohol into the home if he knows you are trying to quit. That says a lot about him.
It seems that you have a decision to make. Which is more important, recovery or your marriage? Of course, you don't know for a fact that your husband would leave if you quit drinking. It is obvious that he doesn't understand alcoholism because he isn't an alcoholic. If he can take it or leave it, he doesn't understand why you aren't able to do the same thing. However, that is still no excuse for him to bring alcohol into the home if he knows you are trying to quit. That says a lot about him.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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There are many people here who have an SO who doesn't really want them to change. It's something you have to decide. Do you want to continue drinking or do you want to live a sober life? Hopefully you decide to stop drinking. Have you talked to your husband about wanting to stop drinking? If so, and he continues to be unsupportive, then you need to know that you can make the decision to recover.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
I'm in the same boat.
He would tell me I'm funny when I drink, easier to talk to, I mix better with others when i've had a drink and the last one which was shocking but he was drunk "I love you more when you've had a drink"
I think in his stupid head he thought he was saying the right thing. He did not want me to stop drinking worried our life would change.
Two weeks ago something happened, and it clicked with him and he now understands I no longer want to drink and he is being very supportive of my decision, however he still chooses to drink, in fact I'm waiting a very drunk husband to walk through the door on return from his golfing wk end.
He would tell me I'm funny when I drink, easier to talk to, I mix better with others when i've had a drink and the last one which was shocking but he was drunk "I love you more when you've had a drink"
I think in his stupid head he thought he was saying the right thing. He did not want me to stop drinking worried our life would change.
Two weeks ago something happened, and it clicked with him and he now understands I no longer want to drink and he is being very supportive of my decision, however he still chooses to drink, in fact I'm waiting a very drunk husband to walk through the door on return from his golfing wk end.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 11
In answer to the replies...i dont think he will leave...i think i will...and yes...he always sabbotages a good recovery...i just took a major step and called a friend of mine to ask help in sobering up...next step...my mom...once i go there...there is no turning back...i do love my husband but i am going to be sober...for the record...when he gets home i will show him this post because every time i tell him i want to be sober he says shake it off...youre fine
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Does he still drink a lot Peprokket? I think some people see someone close to them quitting drinking as an implicit criticism, because it suggests they should be doing the same. It might be more that he doesn't want to change himself than not wanting you to change...
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