James6

Three weeks into 30 days. Still not sure what I want to do at the end of the 30. Been reading a lot and doing a lot of thinking. I'm not even sure what I'm looking to get out of this post. Trying to figure out who I want to be and how/if alcohol fits into that life.

pipparina

Great job on your 22 days. Do you go to AA or have some other support group? Obviously you stopped drinking for a reason. Why do you think you may want to start back up again?

Impurrfect

((James)) - Congratulations on 22 days! I promised to give myself 6 months of recovery...work it with everything I had. If, at the end of those 6 months I wanted to go back to using (crack was my DOC), well..it was everywhere. It didn't take nearly 6 months to realize that I did NOT need to go back to my old ways.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Scolova

Congrats on 22 days... For me there is no good reason to drink other than to feed an addiction. Early on it can feel like the old saying 'All roads lead to Rome' Everything appears to lead back to the drink as we have programmed ourselves to believe... As I got further on I could see through the lies & false hopes that any amount of alcohol gave me.

Dee74

Welcome to SR James

You'll find a lot of support and collective wisdom here - a great place to help you work out what to do on day 31 and beyond

D

BRD

James,

I'm on my 27th day and my home meeting is in 3 days. More than likely I will have a milkshake after the meeting and then go and live my 31th day. I am using AVRT along with AA. AVRT gives me clarity to know that I won't drink again. AA is a fellowship that helps me be sober and improves how I live my life.

However you wish to recognize milestones is your choice.

justhadenough

how do you feel since stopping drinking? Hopefully better.

IndaMiricale

Congrats on your time.. And just keep it simple .

And once your get there. Maybe think about going just a little futher.. maybe 60

What can it hurt ?

James6

HI all,

Thanks for the responses. I think what scares me the most is that I do feel better. I didn't take on the thirty days so much because I was worried I was an alcoholic as much as because over the course of the past year or so I've started relating differently to stress and anxiety. Since stopping drinking I've been sleeping better, more in touch with my thoughts, emotions, and stresses, and my wife is happier with me.

I am doing this with a great therapist, who asked what I thought about going to AA. I l told her I wasn't ready for that. I think I said that because I'm not ready to say (admit?) that I am powerless over alcohol. I'm not sure that is denial. These three weeks have been easier, I would even say better, than I thought they would be. I haven't gone this long without a drink in 20 years. (those last two sentences look very pathetic next to eachother. I obviously have a lot of questions about who I am or I wouldn't be here.)

I used to be a daily drinker. Two years ago I dropped to weekends and one night during the week. I think I'm at a spot where I'd like to see if I can take one more step toward normal before claiming my spot on the forever wagon.

That said, everything I've read here has made me scared that I am playing with fire and that it is the thirst messing with my head. Before I started researching alcoholism and found this site I was very confident that I could live a more normal life. I'm not so sure now as I see bits of my story in so many here.

I do find strength in knowing that I have a real option in sobriety. I don't want to live with anxiety, I don't want my wife to judge me for catching a nice buzz on a Saturday, I don't want to wake up on Sunday and need two Advil, and, most importantly, I don't want my baby daughter to grow up resenting her father's drinking.

Thanks,

James

GuySmiley

These statements really resonated with me. You certainly sound clear-headed and that you're approaching your issues in a mature way. Keep doing what you're doing.

zeroptzero

I respectfully suggest a couple of things:

These weeks have possibly been less difficult for you (thus leading you to begin to think you do not have a problem) because in your mind it has always been only 30 days, after which you can go back to drinking.

Most of us equate "normal" with a person who drinks occasionally. This causes a lot of mental anguish. Why do we do it? Isn't a life that just doesn't include alcohol "normal"?

Give yourself longer than 30 days before you make any decisions. Think about the gymnastics you are going through just to keep alcohol in your life. I think you will find it is not worth the effort.