Dee74

I don't think AA or not is the issue here.

I'd have a hard time dealing with that from my partner too Silly.
It's a gross infringement of boundaries, to my mind....even more so if you've spoken to her about it

D

silly

Thanks, Dee. I was having a hard time forming a response to that part.

silly

I began the steps with a sponsor, yes. I understood the program. I respect it completely. The structure wasn't for me. I'm not trying to offend anyone at all. Sorry if I somehow did offend you.

Sapling

I found all kinds of things to blame my ex wife for concerning my alcohol problem...When you really look at it...It was my problem. That's what I had to deal with.

silly

thank you for your thoughts

Elisabeth888

That would **** me off. As if being an alcoholic isn't enough.

jazz66

It could be a unconchas self defence mechanism
Sort of like worning people in case you make a show of your self
She still loves you but she's may be a bit embarrassed at times

Fandy

Silly, it sounds as if your partner wants to make your alcoholism about her, lots of gossip and drama, its not good for your own peace of mind.

. The X-Mr.Fandy used to blab all of our personal issues and my health problems to his sisters& mother, then tell me what they talked about me adding fuel to the fire. I was angry &hurt,but 2years after we have split, i'm sober and somewhat sane, he's still flapping about others.
HE cant keep a confidence about anything
Some people naturally thrive on gossip and drama, they like a spotlight.
congrats on your staying sober and finding what works for you!

silly

Good point, Jazz. In this case though, no friends have even known me as a drinker. Or as anything more than a " one glass before clean-up" kind up gal. They've always laughed about how responsible I am.
I know what you're saying though. Absolutely.

silly

Thanks, Fandy. The comments about having the spotlight light on him/her are right on the mark. I see the battle for it at every social event. Why I think it's different when I'm not there is beyond me.

Quinne

I agree with those that have said it's a violation of trust.

My ex-boyfriend told his bandmates that i'm an alcoholic after a bust and was in a psych hospital detoxing.

"Oh yeah, so where is she? Why isn't she here at practice?"

"She's busy"

Repeat twice more until he caved and said "yeah, look-you know what? She's an alcoholic. She slipped a few days ago and she's in hospital where she's safe. Happy now?"

Even in the context of his friends badgering him, I was still a bit miffed that he couldn't make up some colourful excuse to explain my absence. But more concerned about what they thought of me!

He justified it by saying to me "look, I don't think anyone's going to judge. One guy's an ice addict, another has vodka and orange juice for breakfast and the other is concerned about his binge drinking". "Luckily" for me, they were supportive. Actually, it puts a smile on my face thinking about how sweet one guy was about the whole alkie deal.

Anyway, I hope you can work through this! Your sobriety is #1 and you need to do everything possible to protect it.

All the best & keep posting/reading here-we're in your corner

xx

foodie1

Sorry to hear this Silly. My husband did the same thing to me over and over during this first year of my sobriety. I'd find out from the people and just feel so betrayed! After a few terrible fights and some really long conversations he's promised not to do it again... We'll see! All the best to you Silly, sobriety first!