Weasel1966

Woke up sober today. It continues to feel odd to wake up sober any day. But sat and sun hold a spacial spot on the odd scale.

Last Monday I went off the rails. I drank mega and did an 8 ball. I had a week full of regret and sadness.

I knew that if I don't do anything and everything to get better than I will never get there.

Thursday was marked 2 months since I broke down and lost it. In that time I thought I was working it and doing it.

Really... I was not.

I went to this group for a meeting for the first time. They were nice. about 60 people there.

I spoke and shared that I had only 4 days. I thought nothing of it.

I saw this guy go get a booklet and write his name and number down. Then he passed it on to others. I thought I am NEVER going to give my name and number out. If they have the nerve to pass it to me I will just pass it on. I hope it doesn't come to me.

As it was being passed he got up and took it from this other guy. He left the room. I continued to listen to the speaker.

He came from my side and touched me on the shoulder. Kinda forced the the booklet with the names into my hand and whispered I will speak to you after the meeting.

That's great I thought. I planned on bolting before the end so I can leave without speaking to anyone.

When I realized that he had done this on my behalf. That I was the only person in the room of 60 that had under a week of sober time. That he understood to do it before the end of the meeting or risk losing the opportunity.

Well... I felt it. Something I don't normally feel. So seldom actually it surprised me and caught me off guard.

I felt cared about.

I mean I feel cared about here but face to face actions are different.

It was at that moment I learned something I could never have hiding in my home all the time.

That I was not letting anything, anyone, or any method of getting better work because I wasn't going to let it. I am scared.

I am scared to get better because that's a life i don't know. Its a ken i don't know.

I know I had been trying all this time. Been here posting and sharing. Offering my own advice to others.

But my heart is open more today because of this. I will go to more meeting and try to really try.

I thank you all for your help and support. Love that comes through the screen. I need this and that I think to make this work.

And it will certainly work.

Ken

RobbyRobot

Awesome, Ken.

quitforme79

Love this post Ken. I have been finding just what you explained in the rooms too. It's enough to bring me to tears sometimes on the drive home. I am so glad you had a good experience. Keep going and you will begin to find a support network. I am meeting up for coffee with a woman I met in AA just 2 nights ago. From one fellow isolated to another, we don't have to do this alone.

mecanix

Feeling scared is natural, once you feel the wind of change blow the ghosts of the past away you'll find a freedom and peace you never knew existed . Just stay steady and walk towards your future we're here with you .

If you get flusterd get a bit crazy remember that guy gave you those numbers for a reason .

Bestwishes, M

Weasel1966

Thank you M. It feels good today to know you and SR are with me. And I will use the numbers when I need it.

I feel very relaxed today. Very satisfied. It's very nice to have. I don't want to give this up again. Ever.

bloss

Sending a hug out to you...

Sapling

It's a whole different ball game...Remember the guy that passed that list around had someone do that for him one day....That's how it works.

Mark75

You are.



I remember one of the first meetings I went to, while I was doing my 90 in 90 thing, I never went back, not because I didn't like it, it was just a bad time slot and kinda far. Anyway, a guy did sort of the same thing for me, and he was genuinely friendly, you know, real... This was like my third meeting, still kinda anxious, and what a relief I felt. I did, I felt cared about.

I saw him years later, he was sharing at my home group, he wondered out loud if he was doing enough service work, and all that. I saw him after the meeting... and I told him that he was.

Keep coming back!

Weasel1966

My partner is on the front porch relaxing in the sun with my cat Herny. Both look like they are sleeping.

I am in the kitchen making fresh roasted tomato basil soup. The house smells awesome with the roasting of the tomatoes, onions and garlic.

Life is good today. Really good.

Sober offers just more in every way possible.... But then again.... You already know that.

K

sissy07

This is a great story, Weasel! I am glad you are on the rebound.....and I admire you for doing what you did to get over the hump. Oh, and I care alot about you. I think you are great. Enjoy the soup!

Dee74

Great post Ken - and good for you!

D

NoFireWater

Ken it is fabulous to read this post on Sunday's eve! I can feel the peace and calm from your words. I'm so glad the meeting was a good experience for you, and will give you more tools to cope and new friends to boot. Win Win!

Your house sounds like a Hallmark movie right now