New Member, Looking for Moral Support, & Fast-Taper Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: West Berlin, NJ
Posts: 5
New Member, Looking for Moral Support, & Fast-Taper Advice
Hello Everybody,
I'm a new member here, looking for a little moral & spiritual support. I'm a heroin addict. I began using early in my teens, and I caused immense pain to my family and loved ones. It wasn't easy but I cleaned up, and for the past four years had been doing very good. I'd even gotten to the point where I didn't even think about drugs or using anymore. I could take percocet after surgery and not get cravings or abuse it.
A few months ago my longtime girlfriend, Eliza, a person I loved more than I thought I could ever love someone, died. We had made plans, I bought a ring, and life seemed just about perfect.
When she died, I just didn't know what to do. I did go to therapy and my friends and family did their best to support me. But one weekend when I was alone, and feeling as close to suicidal as I've ever been, I made that horrible decision to go get some heroin. I was angry at God and myself, and as guilty as I feel saying it, at her for dying. I've never had a lot of close people in my life, and she just meant so much to me.
It had been years since I last used, and before I was a long-term addict who went years without stopping. Now I've only been using again for a couple months, but I'm already down almost as deep as before. I've gone through most of my savings, and I feel so angry and so depressed at times I just can barely breath.
The worst part is, it was so incredibly hard on my family and friends before, I don't know if they can stand, or I can stand the confrontation again. My mother is in poor health and she took it the worst. I want to come clean, but I also am honestly worried about the effect it will have on her. Eliza's death was incredibly hard on her, and this might just be too much. I know she knows somethings wrong, but not what it is yet. And as much as I want to come clean, I don't want to hurt her, make her condition worse, and ruin the relationship that took years to repair...
I'm determined to get clean, but of course I'm scared of detoxing cold-turkey again. This time, I have a job that I can't afford to lose and I can't really take the time off, more than a day or two to detox. I can't afford an in-patient program, that's not an option. So aside from moral support, I'm looking for some help and advice on a fast-taper detox program I can do at home. My habit got bad pretty quickly, but I was able to quit before, and I know I can do it again. I'm also sure I'm strong enough that I won't just use all the heroin I have on hand right away or in a moment of panic.
I do have a prescription of Xanax which will help me get some sleep and help with the anxiety. I have some medicine to help with the stomach issues, too. And some supplement called corydalis which is supposed to help with blood pressure during detox.
Does anyone else have any advice for me? I can't believe I'm back in this situation again, but I know I can overcome it. Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.
I'm a new member here, looking for a little moral & spiritual support. I'm a heroin addict. I began using early in my teens, and I caused immense pain to my family and loved ones. It wasn't easy but I cleaned up, and for the past four years had been doing very good. I'd even gotten to the point where I didn't even think about drugs or using anymore. I could take percocet after surgery and not get cravings or abuse it.
A few months ago my longtime girlfriend, Eliza, a person I loved more than I thought I could ever love someone, died. We had made plans, I bought a ring, and life seemed just about perfect.
When she died, I just didn't know what to do. I did go to therapy and my friends and family did their best to support me. But one weekend when I was alone, and feeling as close to suicidal as I've ever been, I made that horrible decision to go get some heroin. I was angry at God and myself, and as guilty as I feel saying it, at her for dying. I've never had a lot of close people in my life, and she just meant so much to me.
It had been years since I last used, and before I was a long-term addict who went years without stopping. Now I've only been using again for a couple months, but I'm already down almost as deep as before. I've gone through most of my savings, and I feel so angry and so depressed at times I just can barely breath.
The worst part is, it was so incredibly hard on my family and friends before, I don't know if they can stand, or I can stand the confrontation again. My mother is in poor health and she took it the worst. I want to come clean, but I also am honestly worried about the effect it will have on her. Eliza's death was incredibly hard on her, and this might just be too much. I know she knows somethings wrong, but not what it is yet. And as much as I want to come clean, I don't want to hurt her, make her condition worse, and ruin the relationship that took years to repair...
I'm determined to get clean, but of course I'm scared of detoxing cold-turkey again. This time, I have a job that I can't afford to lose and I can't really take the time off, more than a day or two to detox. I can't afford an in-patient program, that's not an option. So aside from moral support, I'm looking for some help and advice on a fast-taper detox program I can do at home. My habit got bad pretty quickly, but I was able to quit before, and I know I can do it again. I'm also sure I'm strong enough that I won't just use all the heroin I have on hand right away or in a moment of panic.
I do have a prescription of Xanax which will help me get some sleep and help with the anxiety. I have some medicine to help with the stomach issues, too. And some supplement called corydalis which is supposed to help with blood pressure during detox.
Does anyone else have any advice for me? I can't believe I'm back in this situation again, but I know I can overcome it. Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi GonnaBeOK
Welcome to SR - I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your situation too but you'll find a lot of support here
By our rules, while we can share our experience, we can't actually offer you medical advice tho.
Have you seen a Dr? Is that an option?
D
Welcome to SR - I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your situation too but you'll find a lot of support here
By our rules, while we can share our experience, we can't actually offer you medical advice tho.
Have you seen a Dr? Is that an option?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: West Berlin, NJ
Posts: 5
unfortunately, not at this time. I don't have insurance, and since I stupidly blew most of my money on drugs, I can't afford to see the dr i usually go to... thanks for the support, though
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I know nothing about heroin, I'm afraid - it wasn't part of my personal history at all.
You might like to check out our substance abuse forum as well, GonnaBeOK?
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
You might like to check out our substance abuse forum as well, GonnaBeOK?
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 23
I don't know anything about heroine withdrawal, I dabbled in other drugs and mostly tons of alcohol. I went through really bad withdrawal and I know how much it could suck. I would look into low cost programs and NA can help. I am very sorry to here about your loss! A couple years ago my boyfriend committed suicide and that's what drove me to increase my drinking and drugging a lotmso I can totally relate. I am new at all this too.. 52 days today and it sucks having to actually feel the pain! However you can't put it off forever and I don't knwomyour girlfriend but I am sure if she loved you as much as you love her she would not want you going through this! Stay strong and I wish you the best!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 23
Oh and even if you have medical bills that you are going to have to pay off after you recover- your health is worth it!! I was in and out of the hospital almost 10 times and the last time I was really I'll and in for a week. I am also in rehab right now. The bills are there but my health is more important and it will pay off ten fold in the long run! Think about your options..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
unfortunately, not at this time. I don't have insurance, and since I stupidly blew most of my money on drugs, I can't afford to see the dr i usually go to... thanks for the support, though
2-1-1 Call Center Search
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D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 4
Tapering, detox
Whew! You have my sympathy. Good for you for admitting your powerlessness. Call urcdept of mental health &hygiene and get a number for a free substance abuse clinic. I would not go the methadone route but Suboxone worked for me. I thought long and hard abiut my decision. Cravings are gone so i can stay focused on my recovery.
Finally...this is very important, establish and build a relationship with the God of your understanding. Pray several times acday for God"s will and the power to carry that out. Begin and end each day on your knees and be gracious for what u have
Finally...this is very important, establish and build a relationship with the God of your understanding. Pray several times acday for God"s will and the power to carry that out. Begin and end each day on your knees and be gracious for what u have
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome GonnabeOK -
Just wanted to say hello and congratulate you on deciding to get clean/sober. I feel for you and hope you're able to arrange time to detox. Staying close to the forum helped me get through the first days after I quit drinking.
New Jersey's state addiction services has a help line (link below) - they might be able to give you information on government services in your area.... Department of Human Services | Addiction Services Home
Just wanted to say hello and congratulate you on deciding to get clean/sober. I feel for you and hope you're able to arrange time to detox. Staying close to the forum helped me get through the first days after I quit drinking.
New Jersey's state addiction services has a help line (link below) - they might be able to give you information on government services in your area.... Department of Human Services | Addiction Services Home
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: West Berlin, NJ
Posts: 5
I'd like to thank all of you guys for the support and kind thoughts and prayers. It really does help. I'm beginning the withdrawal process, I've prepped myself as best I can, and so far, so good. Well, not feeling good physically but I know I'm doing the right thing.
Still haven't decided and don't know what to do as far as talking to my parents about it. I am an honest person, and I don't like lying. At the same time, I am very worried about the effect it will have on my mother, (not just on our relationship, but her physically and mentally. This past year has been very hard for her, which only makes me more angry at myself for getting hooked again.) So I'm not sure what the right course of action is.
Anyway, I have Netflix online and will be watching a LOT of comedies this weekend to fight off the depression. Arrested Development so far is funny.
Still haven't decided and don't know what to do as far as talking to my parents about it. I am an honest person, and I don't like lying. At the same time, I am very worried about the effect it will have on my mother, (not just on our relationship, but her physically and mentally. This past year has been very hard for her, which only makes me more angry at myself for getting hooked again.) So I'm not sure what the right course of action is.
Anyway, I have Netflix online and will be watching a LOT of comedies this weekend to fight off the depression. Arrested Development so far is funny.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: West Berlin, NJ
Posts: 5
got out a bit today. went to a good NA meeting, and bought some gatorade and yogurt. took the dog for a walk. Not feeling great, but I'm confident I can beat this thing. I had done so well for so long, for years. I know a lot of that was because I had a loving woman supporting me the whole time, not just friends and family. But God willing, I can make it through again, for good. I just need to remember she would have wanted me to be clean, and remember her strength and spirit when my body, mind and spirit are weak.
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