Back again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Back again
Hello
I'm embarrassed and deeply ashamed to be having to post again saying day 1 again. I stopped in Jan for 6 weeks then in July for 6 1/2 weeks.Then went on hols and drank despite really being committed. Whilst I've not been drinking every night its still enough and still a problem.
I hate it and what it does.I'm disappointed in myself for being weak.Why is it so easy to forget how good it feels to be sober. I'd started making life changes too,yoga,new job,exercising, doing more, reading about mindfulness and living for now. As well as feeling so much better,both mentally and physically. I'm not prepared to lose all that and I'm aware of how easily I could as it will get worse.
So day 1 again. SR is a great help. I've been reading everyday but just too ashamed to post but know I need to post. Thanks for understanding.
I'm embarrassed and deeply ashamed to be having to post again saying day 1 again. I stopped in Jan for 6 weeks then in July for 6 1/2 weeks.Then went on hols and drank despite really being committed. Whilst I've not been drinking every night its still enough and still a problem.
I hate it and what it does.I'm disappointed in myself for being weak.Why is it so easy to forget how good it feels to be sober. I'd started making life changes too,yoga,new job,exercising, doing more, reading about mindfulness and living for now. As well as feeling so much better,both mentally and physically. I'm not prepared to lose all that and I'm aware of how easily I could as it will get worse.
So day 1 again. SR is a great help. I've been reading everyday but just too ashamed to post but know I need to post. Thanks for understanding.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Glad your back. You know it has nothing to do with strenth or willpower..
And being an alcoholic we are quick forgetters thats what we have trained our brain to for so long..
Thank you for posting
And being an alcoholic we are quick forgetters thats what we have trained our brain to for so long..
Thank you for posting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Thanks Dee & Inda
Today I'm not going to drink. I always find day 1 the hardest as I feel the worst. When I get a few days under my belt it does spur me on to stay sober. I'm going to keep reading which being sober should be easier.
I've always been a bit sceptical of '1 day at a time' as though any day one could just drink. I'm looking at it a bit differently now-reading about mindfulness, the importance of now, living for today etc I realize today is what matters now.Don't know if that makes sense!
I'm really going to be more active on SR too.Other peoples' stories are so inspirational
Today I'm not going to drink. I always find day 1 the hardest as I feel the worst. When I get a few days under my belt it does spur me on to stay sober. I'm going to keep reading which being sober should be easier.
I've always been a bit sceptical of '1 day at a time' as though any day one could just drink. I'm looking at it a bit differently now-reading about mindfulness, the importance of now, living for today etc I realize today is what matters now.Don't know if that makes sense!
I'm really going to be more active on SR too.Other peoples' stories are so inspirational
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
The one day at a time thing was so crucial for me. Because for me , when I first was trying to get sober . I just couldnt wrap my head around not drinking forever. I mean really ? I just couldnt do it..
So that's when and how people taught me this simple concept. Just dont drink today , maybe tomorrow but not today..
And as time has gone by, its still just dont pick up today... But tomorrow really never comes. I cant worry about christmas, birthdays , weddings, ect.. Just today..
You can be free. I am glad your posting and sticking on here. Good stuff.
So that's when and how people taught me this simple concept. Just dont drink today , maybe tomorrow but not today..
And as time has gone by, its still just dont pick up today... But tomorrow really never comes. I cant worry about christmas, birthdays , weddings, ect.. Just today..
You can be free. I am glad your posting and sticking on here. Good stuff.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
thanks Inda
I think I understand it now-as though something has just clicked. i've been doing a lot of reading about 'now' to place the past where it belongs and stop worrying about the future. i'm now looking at the '1 day at time' concept within that.
I think I understand it now-as though something has just clicked. i've been doing a lot of reading about 'now' to place the past where it belongs and stop worrying about the future. i'm now looking at the '1 day at time' concept within that.
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
Are you in any groups to help with not drinking? There is just something about a group that helps so much, When we are all going for the same purpose it makes the purpose easier to achieve. I found mine in AA, but there are many others out there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Central Kansas
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by justhadenough 
Hello
I'm embarrassed and deeply ashamed to be having to post again saying day 1 again. I stopped in Jan for 6 weeks then in July for 6 1/2 weeks.Then went on hols and drank despite really being committed. Whilst I've not been drinking every night its still enough and still a problem.
I hate it and what it does.I'm disappointed in myself for being weak.Why is it so easy to forget how good it feels to be sober. I'd started making life changes too,yoga,new job,exercising, doing more, reading about mindfulness and living for now. As well as feeling so much better,both mentally and physically. I'm not prepared to lose all that and I'm aware of how easily I could as it will get worse.
So day 1 again. SR is a great help. I've been reading everyday but just too ashamed to post but know I need to post. Thanks for understanding.
I'm embarrassed and deeply ashamed to be having to post again saying day 1 again. I stopped in Jan for 6 weeks then in July for 6 1/2 weeks.Then went on hols and drank despite really being committed. Whilst I've not been drinking every night its still enough and still a problem.
I hate it and what it does.I'm disappointed in myself for being weak.Why is it so easy to forget how good it feels to be sober. I'd started making life changes too,yoga,new job,exercising, doing more, reading about mindfulness and living for now. As well as feeling so much better,both mentally and physically. I'm not prepared to lose all that and I'm aware of how easily I could as it will get worse.
So day 1 again. SR is a great help. I've been reading everyday but just too ashamed to post but know I need to post. Thanks for understanding.
So glad you came back to SR...It takes courage to admit the shame and embarrassment we feel (I think that's a big reason why we wait so long to get help)...but just remember we've been there!
I am over 3 weeks into an "Intensive Out Patient" Program, I go to AA, come here to SR, and read everything I can to recover from the "insanity" that alcoholism has brought me to. Today marks 28 days sober for me. It's working! It will work for you.
The more info I receive, the more I am understanding this insidious disease, and the more tools I'm gaining to battle it.
Sounds like you are on the right track...Hang in there! And keep coming back!
Formersurfer- This one's for you 2, keep coming back and glad you're here too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 64
Jhe- have you ever looked into RR? (It has changed my life.)You can find more info on the secular site of SR. Read the threads on AVRT. I was new to mindfulness etc and found this information and approach invaluable. It literally has helped me save my life. Good luck and keep at it. It does work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by ashbyee
Jhe- have you ever looked into RR? (It has changed my life.)You can find more info on the secular site of SR. Read the threads on AVRT. I was new to mindfulness etc and found this information and approach invaluable. It literally has helped me save my life. Good luck and keep at it. It does work.
Yes I got the RR book in Jan when I quit the first time. It made total sense,though I'm obviously missing something as started drinking again.when I stopped in July I made more progress,reading about mindfulness/now etc and then drank-I still can't believe it really.I've been struggling since.
How easy it is to forget how good being sober feels. I look rough,I feel rough,why on earth have I done this again.NO MORE
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Welcome Back!
What it took for me when I was stuck in the loop of getting sober and constantly slipping back into using and dealing with the guilt etc,
was figuring out what it was that kept triggering me to go back to using in the first place.
Generally it was because I kept forgetting why I wanted to stop using in the first place! I then decided to write a list of the reasons I want to quit drinking and using. I kept this list with me and made sure to look at the list if I ever had a feeling I wanted to go back to using. This list helped remind me of the reasons I wanted to stay sober. Perhaps a list like this would be useful to you.
Also as I talked about in other posts, I suffer from depression. Drugs and Alchohol were my way of "Self medicating" my depression. When I stopped using I was left to fend for myself, it was just me and my mind, face to face with each other. It was not fun. Once I started getting into therapy and under the care of people who specialize in treating Depression and understand addiction, I was able to have a "tool box" of methods to help me deal with life as a sober person.
Without tools to help me, I only had Drugs and alchohol to "fall back to"
For me a life saver was doing the one thing I never thought or felt like I wanted to do, which was go to AA. I had so many preconceived notions and Ideas but I know so many amazing, talented and very successful people who go to meetings, I thought if it is good enough for these people it is surely good enough for me It really helps hearing other peoples stories and really reinforces that I am not alone in my struggles with life and sobriety. Frankly to tell you the truth, now that I have 4 years of Sobriety, life was truly harder when I was loaded then since I have been sober.
It is hard work to have to figure out how to get loaded and function at work, pay the bills, show up to meetings, hide my intoxication etc. While Sober I do not have to worry about those issues, not to mention I don't wake up with a hangover and I have more extra money in my pocket to spend on trips or movies, vs. bars and drugs.
What it took for me when I was stuck in the loop of getting sober and constantly slipping back into using and dealing with the guilt etc,
was figuring out what it was that kept triggering me to go back to using in the first place.
Generally it was because I kept forgetting why I wanted to stop using in the first place! I then decided to write a list of the reasons I want to quit drinking and using. I kept this list with me and made sure to look at the list if I ever had a feeling I wanted to go back to using. This list helped remind me of the reasons I wanted to stay sober. Perhaps a list like this would be useful to you.
Also as I talked about in other posts, I suffer from depression. Drugs and Alchohol were my way of "Self medicating" my depression. When I stopped using I was left to fend for myself, it was just me and my mind, face to face with each other. It was not fun. Once I started getting into therapy and under the care of people who specialize in treating Depression and understand addiction, I was able to have a "tool box" of methods to help me deal with life as a sober person.
Without tools to help me, I only had Drugs and alchohol to "fall back to"
For me a life saver was doing the one thing I never thought or felt like I wanted to do, which was go to AA. I had so many preconceived notions and Ideas but I know so many amazing, talented and very successful people who go to meetings, I thought if it is good enough for these people it is surely good enough for me
It really helps hearing other peoples stories and really reinforces that I am not alone in my struggles with life and sobriety. Frankly to tell you the truth, now that I have 4 years of Sobriety, life was truly harder when I was loaded then since I have been sober. It is hard work to have to figure out how to get loaded and function at work, pay the bills, show up to meetings, hide my intoxication etc. While Sober I do not have to worry about those issues, not to mention I don't wake up with a hangover and I have more extra money in my pocket to spend on trips or movies, vs. bars and drugs.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Justhadenough, glad to see you back here, that is the first step.
I like the idea of mindfulness, becoming acutely aware of the present moment. I see staying sober 'in the now' to be a entire universe away in concept and intent from staying sober ODAAT. To me that is accepting that you will struggle with this repeatedly, every time the sun rises.
Mindfulness is a great tool, becoming the watcher of the thoughts. It allows some distance between us and our lower level thinking, it inserts some breathing room into the internal dialogue. And that AV? That certainly qualifies as lower level thinking I believe.
I like the idea of mindfulness, becoming acutely aware of the present moment. I see staying sober 'in the now' to be a entire universe away in concept and intent from staying sober ODAAT. To me that is accepting that you will struggle with this repeatedly, every time the sun rises.
Mindfulness is a great tool, becoming the watcher of the thoughts. It allows some distance between us and our lower level thinking, it inserts some breathing room into the internal dialogue. And that AV? That certainly qualifies as lower level thinking I believe.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by SeekSobriety
Welcome Back!
What it took for me when I was stuck in the loop of getting sober and constantly slipping back into using and dealing with the guilt etc,
was figuring out what it was that kept triggering me to go back to using in the first place.
Generally it was because I kept forgetting why I wanted to stop using in the first place! I then decided to write a list of the reasons I want to quit drinking and using. I kept this list with me and made sure to look at the list if I ever had a feeling I wanted to go back to using. This list helped remind me of the reasons I wanted to stay sober. Perhaps a list like this would be useful to you.
Also as I talked about in other posts, I suffer from depression. Drugs and Alchohol were my way of "Self medicating" my depression. When I stopped using I was left to fend for myself, it was just me and my mind, face to face with each other. It was not fun. Once I started getting into therapy and under the care of people who specialize in treating Depression and understand addiction, I was able to have a "tool box" of methods to help me deal with life as a sober person.
Without tools to help me, I only had Drugs and alchohol to "fall back to"
For me a life saver was doing the one thing I never thought or felt like I wanted to do, which was go to AA. I had so many preconceived notions and Ideas but I know so many amazing, talented and very successful people who go to meetings, I thought if it is good enough for these people it is surely good enough for me It really helps hearing other peoples stories and really reinforces that I am not alone in my struggles with life and sobriety. Frankly to tell you the truth, now that I have 4 years of Sobriety, life was truly harder when I was loaded then since I have been sober.
It is hard work to have to figure out how to get loaded and function at work, pay the bills, show up to meetings, hide my intoxication etc. While Sober I do not have to worry about those issues, not to mention I don't wake up with a hangover and I have more extra money in my pocket to spend on trips or movies, vs. bars and drugs.
What it took for me when I was stuck in the loop of getting sober and constantly slipping back into using and dealing with the guilt etc,
was figuring out what it was that kept triggering me to go back to using in the first place.
Generally it was because I kept forgetting why I wanted to stop using in the first place! I then decided to write a list of the reasons I want to quit drinking and using. I kept this list with me and made sure to look at the list if I ever had a feeling I wanted to go back to using. This list helped remind me of the reasons I wanted to stay sober. Perhaps a list like this would be useful to you.
Also as I talked about in other posts, I suffer from depression. Drugs and Alchohol were my way of "Self medicating" my depression. When I stopped using I was left to fend for myself, it was just me and my mind, face to face with each other. It was not fun. Once I started getting into therapy and under the care of people who specialize in treating Depression and understand addiction, I was able to have a "tool box" of methods to help me deal with life as a sober person.
Without tools to help me, I only had Drugs and alchohol to "fall back to"
For me a life saver was doing the one thing I never thought or felt like I wanted to do, which was go to AA. I had so many preconceived notions and Ideas but I know so many amazing, talented and very successful people who go to meetings, I thought if it is good enough for these people it is surely good enough for me
It really helps hearing other peoples stories and really reinforces that I am not alone in my struggles with life and sobriety. Frankly to tell you the truth, now that I have 4 years of Sobriety, life was truly harder when I was loaded then since I have been sober. It is hard work to have to figure out how to get loaded and function at work, pay the bills, show up to meetings, hide my intoxication etc. While Sober I do not have to worry about those issues, not to mention I don't wake up with a hangover and I have more extra money in my pocket to spend on trips or movies, vs. bars and drugs.
Youare right-I do forget,after a few weeks sober-forget why I wanted to be sober and forget how bad I feel from drinking.I realize I need to look at coping skills although evenjust a few weeks sober my life was so much better. thnk you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by freshstart57
Justhadenough, glad to see you back here, that is the first step.
I like the idea of mindfulness, becoming acutely aware of the present moment. I see staying sober 'in the now' to be a entire universe away in concept and intent from staying sober ODAAT. To me that is accepting that you will struggle with this repeatedly, every time the sun rises.
Mindfulness is a great tool, becoming the watcher of the thoughts. It allows some distance between us and our lower level thinking, it inserts some breathing room into the internal dialogue. And that AV? That certainly qualifies as lower level thinking I believe.
I like the idea of mindfulness, becoming acutely aware of the present moment. I see staying sober 'in the now' to be a entire universe away in concept and intent from staying sober ODAAT. To me that is accepting that you will struggle with this repeatedly, every time the sun rises.
Mindfulness is a great tool, becoming the watcher of the thoughts. It allows some distance between us and our lower level thinking, it inserts some breathing room into the internal dialogue. And that AV? That certainly qualifies as lower level thinking I believe.
Its 8pm here nearly and sober-soon to bed!
Thankyou all for your continued support
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