DisplacedGRITS

i had a strange experience today when my husband got home. when he got home, i was bundling up the trash to take out. he offered to take it out but since we had a lot of recycling to go as well, i started gathering that up to follow him. he decided to take that as well. he was overloaded and i kept finding things to go so i grabbed another load and followed him. when we came back in he gave me the hairy eyeball and said i was acting strange. "acting strange" is code for "have you been drinking?" i was aghast. sure, i'm stressed because of my job hunt but i haven't been drinking. the worst thing is there's nothing i can do to prove i haven't been! what have i done to illicit this emotion in him? i asked and he said i was acting like i was covering something up because in the past, when he got home i would be taking out the garbage or making up some other excuse to hide evidence of my drinking. i've been so far removed from this behavior that it didn't even occur to me but now i see how deep the scars from my past behavior go. it's not that he doesn't trust me. it's just that there are some things i've done that he'll always associate with my drinking whether i know them or not. we talked and i told him that there's nothing i can do to convince him i haven't been drinking so i won't even try. all that matters is that i now i'm clean. we're both happy with that. it made me a little sad to have that reminder but i know there's nothing i can do about it and i'm glad he's not the type to fly off the handle at the least little suspicion. it was just a shock to me to be reminded how my drinking has affected the people in my life.

Anna

Yeah, I had a similar experience in my early recovery and it was hard to deal with. But, I think part of recovery is accepting the pain that we've caused those we love. We need to own that. For me, it ended up being a positive thing because when I really recognized the pain I had caused, it gave me so much determination to not do that again.

Happier

I am sorry about the uncomfortable situation. I think Anna had some good points. I often remind myself of some of the disappointments that my drinking caused my loved ones. I do not want to ever do that again! Sort of tough when they remind us though.
To their credit, spouses are in a very tough situation. I am sure they wonder about the best way to "help" or be supportive. At least your husband is concerned for you sobriety even if his means of showing it have room for improvement. I think time and continued success will help to smooth things out. This too shall pass.

Sapling

It's trust that you earn with time Grits....It's the only way you are going to get it.....It'll come......How long did you drink? And how long have you been sober?

quitforme79

I hear you....I feel like those that know about my drinking problem are watching me closely to see if I have been drinking or if I am going to. All we can do is prove it thru time and actions. I am glad you have a supportive husband and were able to talk it over.

kittycat3

But Grits, don't forget to feel good that you WEREN'T drinking!!! Sad, yes, but I hope it is also rewarding to know you have nothing to hide. It will take some time before that fades as his automatic assumption...

DisplacedGRITS

i drank for 8 years. 6 of those years hard and about 2 1/2 of them when my husband was around (long story. separated due to his job). i see why he was suspect. i was acting kind of squirrelly unintentionally because i felt guilty that the kitchen was still a mess when he got home. so it was guilt driven action but not because of drinking. not too bad! i just have to be mindful of my behavior. we all make mistakes.

Dee74

(((dg)))

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