seanie1888

Prayers your way LD
Hope it works out for you man

Itchy

Maybe she will and maybe she won't. Get sober and there is always a chance, keep drinking and no chance. Your initial decision makes total sense. Hang in there, and hang in here. I look forward to taking this journey with you too.

How many days or weeks have you got now sober?

Purplecatlover

I did the same with my husband, lie, hide, etc to feed my addiction.
You can turn this around. Keep reading & posting. SR saved me & my family.
I do & will pray for you.
Welcome to the family

tomsteve

lyingdog, yer not alone. whne i got into recovery, i really didnt know what was true because my whole life was a lie. after being able to see who i was, i didnt blame one person for not trusting me.
now, the good new: the program of AA is a great solution and getting a sponsor and goin to meetings is a great choice. just remember that those 2 things alone dont treat alcoholsm( i am sure you are aware of that by now,though).

there is a long road of reconstruction ahead. dont be surprised if nobody trusts ya for some time. that has to be earned by actions. but it will happen if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it.

Choppersled

Same thing here, almost exact same story. Lots and lots of lying and empty promises that I made just to be able to drink enough that day. The first day I decided I would quit my wife looked at me like I was an alien after not drinking for a few hours after I came home. Alabama boy too BTW!

Lionhearted1

Hi lyingdog nice name by the way lol, I know exactly how you feel and iam going through a similar situation at present, all I do know is that regardless of what happens I need to be sober first and if bridges are re built then so be it. We can't live in the past because we will drink again we have to live in the present. And try not to be so hard on yourself, once you drink you have no controll it's not that your a bad person just that you are alcoholic and drinking makes you act that way, if you do that stuff sober well that's a different story.

You stopped for six years, you can do it agin! God bless.


____________________________________________

I knew I had a problem with alcohol when it started costing me more than money!

Veritas1

You are not the only one.

I have lost my brother. He doesn't speak to me. Because of me.

MIRecovery

No alcoholic can promise anyone that they will never drink again but they can promise to do what is necessary to stay sober. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

I am an AA fan so this would be my program for someone who is your shoes. Show your wife you have a plan but whatever you do stick to it or do not show it to her. You are walking a very thin line and if you do not follow your own plan it will be one more nail in the coffin of your relationship. This will not be easy and there will be times when you have to make hard choices such as do I go to a meeting or my son’s football game. The right answer is I go to a meeting

A plan for recovery

1. Remove all alcohol from the house
2. Put nothing ahead of your sobriety. This includes your job, your wife, your kids, your family and anything else that gets in the way
3. Commit to 90 meetings in 90 days. I used to drive 45 miles one way to a meeting daily so there is always a way.
4. Ask people that have good sobriety what they do to stay sober and then do what they do
5. Commit to having a temporary sponsor in 5 Days (ask at every meeting till you get one)
6. Enroll in outpatient therapy if you can afford it
7. Do not attend any events where alcohol is present
8. Start working the 12 steps. In 90 days you might make it through step 1
9. Commit to reading the first 164 pages of the Big Book in 2 weeks. When you are done with that read Healing the Addicted Brain
10. Come early and leave late - Get to know other Alcoholics. Have at least 10 phone numbers of people in recovery in 30 days
11. Attend an Alanon meeting with you wife if possible
    

These are suggestions, take them or leave them but it has been my experience that people who do these items stay sober for a lot longer than people who do not

ZiggyB

Good luck and I wish you lots of it!

My ex was an alcoholic too, he lied to me about his drinking and hid it, I know he was ashamed and he didn't want me to find out the truth. He also refused to get treatment or to even discuss the matter. It does wear down the people who love you. I don't think anyone aside from me knew how bad the problem was and now he won't talk to me anymore. I hope you get this resolved for the sake of your family - you can do it!

Bgh2002

The most important person I lost the trust of, and I'm slowly gaining back was... myself.

MIRecovery

Alcohol is a very jealous lover and will allow no one or nothing to come between you and it. Let's face it, "People that care about you screw up your drinking so the alcoholic answer is to remove those people from you life." This is sad but true.

At the end I had pushed everyone that cared about me out of my life while I slowly committed suicide with my bottle.

Today I have more healthy relationships than I can count.

Dee74

Welcome LD

I used to be the neighbourhood drunk - noone trusted me and for good reason...in my active addiction I did some terrible things.

I recovered my reputation tho - with time and patience, and a lot of work at being the man I knew I really was...

the first and most important step is to stop drinking and work hard at your recovery.

Not everyone forgave me - but the vast majority did.
I hope you'll find the same

D

ZiggyB

very sad but it now makes sense to me why things happened the way they did...

Hevyn

Everyone was thoroughly disgusted with me. Not just family, but friends and my boss. I'd run out of excuses and explanations - everything I said was thought to be a lie or exagerration to cover up my drinking.

I knew some people would never understand. My family just didn't get why I'd keep going back to something that was destroying me. How do we even begin to explain it to normal drinkers? I hoped for the best - and like Dee, the longer I was sober the more people began to trust and believe in me again. The real you will come shining through. Don't lose heart.

Lyingdog

Day 2 hear and it is a better day. I still do not know where my wife stands but I know where I stand. I feel much better about myself becaus I know what the future holds for my if I continue to do everything possible to stay sober.
Thanks MIRecovery. I love the quotes and steps you posted. I will take them to heart.
I am happy to be a part of SR.

MIRecovery

Day 2 is here and it looks brighter than day one. You have learned a valuable lesson which is take each day as it comes. I still have problems with FEAR "Future Events Appear Real" I love to live in the future and am great at "awfulizing" I can come up with a bad out come in seconds when the reality is I have no idea what is going to happen and likely I have no control over anything but my own actions.

Sounds like you are commited and do whatever it takes to remain sober today.

MIRecovery

Nice Quote: Instead of harping on a man's faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his bette self, his real self than can dare and do and win out. -- Eleanor Porter -American Novelist

Saliena

Exact same story with my husband... I lied ... I drank... I did everything I could so he didn't discover my dirty little secret of how much I drank. 10 months later I am still working to earn his trust everyday.

onlythetruth

You are SO not alone. I don't know too many people who've suffered from addiction (including me) who haven't seriously eroded the trust of their family and friends. Kind of goes with the territory of addiction.

But the good news is that the regaining of trust goes with the territory of recovery.