epskie

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been on much lately, I hope you're all well. With AA meetings and starting an English Literature degree (on top of family life and work) I've been pretty stretched :-)

I am due to get my 6 month chip at AA on 4th October. I am working on step four and try to get to 4 meetings per week.

For the past few days I've been having some strange thoughts, thoughts which I thought had left me a few months back. Have I jumped the gun? Have I panicked and ran to AA when I may have been able to moderate instead? I don't want to return to my daily drinking but I DO want to have a night out and have a few drinks when I'm away on holiday.

Have any of you experienced this (at this stage of sobriety) before? I don't think it's a big compulsion or craving, perhaps it's a feeling of wistfulness and a hope that things could be different.

I haven't spoken to my sponsor about it yet, I wanted to float it with you guys first.

Many thanks in advance.

Southerner

I went six months with very little problem. While I was having thoughts like that only infrequently (one always questions it), I did in a moment's weakness upon being asked if I wanted some wine on a United flight in first class take up the offer. While it was a pretty harmless binge that ensued, I regret it quite a bit. For me, moderation just does not work. Now I know that those thoughts were just trying to lead me back to it.

I would ask you, what benefit do you get out of it in the end? You stopped for a reason--do you really think things have changed? I cannot answer that, but you can.

NoFireWater

Congrats on 6 months!! I don't think you would have stuck it out in AA for that long if you could moderate. It's probably more wishful thinking that you're a "normal" drinker that can have a few drinks once in awhile. Sorry, I know that's not the answer you want to hear. It's probably very normal (I'm not far enough into it yet to judge). I think most people here would tell you moderating rarely works, and can actually lead to huge set backs. Try to ride it out...

hypochondriac

Yup, same thoughts, 6 months in... I try to ignore them as best I can and give sobriety at least a fighting chance before I give in completely. If I could control my drinking I would have done it by now, and in the grand scheme of things 6 months is a drop in the ocean compared to the time I was drinking. In the 12 years proceeding I tried very hard to minimise the damage caused by my drinking with no real success. I don't know why I think things would be different now just because I haven't had a drink in a few months!

Don't throw away an amazing 6 months of sobriety for a random thought Epskie x

pipparina

congrats on your 6 months. That's wonderful.
your thoughts are normal. This disease is cunning. I am sober 14 years, and when someone I knew from my drinking days tells me "you weren't that bad", I STILL have that fleeting thought "well, maybe I over-reacted with this sobriety stuff". Amazing!

Tell your sponsor . That's what they're there for.

Sapling

Step four was a very emotional step for me...I did a lot of praying just to get through it...As the book says you should. If you read the promises for step five...There is quite a bit of relief there. .....I would say for myself that is where the drink problem left me. I don't know for sure when....I was about two months then....I just noticed one day I hadn't thought about alcohol in a few days. Blew my mind. Keep moving forward.

Step 5 promises.

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

bb pg 75

JimJim

Hey epskie, congratulations on the six months (almost). Here are a few quotes from yourself when you joined;

' I am on Day 6 and things appear to be going ok, apart from a tensing pain quite high in my stomach'

'I have read lots of threads over the past few days (many with tears in my eyes)'

'I just would like this pain to go'


'I noticed an almost empty bottle of wine standing on the grass alongside 2 glasses. For the first time in almost 4 weeks I wished I were like other people and could enjoy the occassional glass :S'

' I don't want to return to my daily drinking'

I thought I would post them for you. I think even in my limited experience of not drinkiing after a short time, I have found it is easy to forget why I even stopped, Only to return to the same cycle again. It seems When I do decide to drink after a short time, I find it to be my addiction talking, because when I do drink, I regret it and I have to begin again. Maybe remember your feelings when you walked into your first AA meeting. I remember when I walked in it was bloody hard. I knew I wasn't somebody that could moderate drinking. Would normal drinkers open that creeky door and walk towards all of those alkies? They might. You might be able to moderate, I dunno, maybe food for thought. Good luck.

Dee74

I think everyone's experienced those kinds of thoughts Epskie.
I know I have.

Later, after I drank again and found myself back right where I used to be again, I realised my life had been so great sober because I wasn't drinking.

The fact I wanted to drink again should have been a clue to tighten up my recovery, not to think I'd overreacted...

Congratultions on your 6 months, I remember when you came here.
Make the right choice Epskie

D

IndaMiricale

All the above I think youre sposor will tell you the same things..

Cunning , Baffling, and Powerful... member its always doing push-ups and going to try to trick you...

Hollyanne

I had the obsession come back strong recently.
I have added a most sincere prayer morning and evening to remove the obsession.
It is working, I hope. Nearly two years without a drink.
I know I need to work with my sponsor.
I know, I know, I know.