First day without her
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Central Alabama
Posts: 7
First day without her
First of all I just wanted to make sure that I am posting this in the right part of the forums.
I have been lurking around the forums for a few months getting answers to my questions. I am a naturally curious soul and this board has sated my needs for knowledge about the problems myself and my wife are facing.
A short introduction:
My wife and I have been together since 2009 and married earlier this year. We've known each other all our lives but finally made the move at a bar here in town. When we met she was sweet, kind, witty, and a hell of a lot smarter than me. We've always gotten along well. We both graduated college last year and she went into nursing and I went into self storage for lack of a better direction in this area.
At the beginning of this year she began working a very stressful nursing job. She started drinking to help her sleep. I didn't think much of it because I figured it was just stress and she was planning on going somewhere less stressful when she was done with her obligation. When she fulfilled her obligation to them and tried to transfer to a less stressful position they basically forced her to stay. This lead to an increase in the drinking and the addition of another drug that she had a prescription for (I am thankful that she never diverted drugs from patients because that could have lead to her license being taken away.). We continued on with me and her parents doing the old ignore the problem and hope it goes away thing. It didn't. It got worse.
The past few weeks it got so bad that she could barely walk when she was not at work. She'd get home and down as many drinks as it took to render herself unconscious. She broke things and ruined carpet and would be embarrassed for a day and stop and then start again. She would paw at me in the middle of the night in a drunken attempt at intimacy. Basically she was allowing to strip away all of the things that attracted me to her. It finally came to a boil this weekend (My birthday weekend where I had a long weekend off and lots planned, selfish I know but still...) when she stayed so drunk she couldn't walk from the couch to the bathroom from Friday to Sunday. On Sunday, which was my birthday, I went from pity to anger. At some point I have to draw the line. I didn't want much. Just for her to be conscious enough to say happy birthday.
She finally became conscious enough to at least answer yes or no questions so I asked her if I was important to her. Yes. Does she think she has a problem? Yes. Does she think she can do anything about it? Shrug. Do you want help? Yes.
This lead to me doing the only thing I knew how because I'm a young newlywed. I called her parents. It was the only thing I could think to do that would allow her to get the help she needed and in our situation it was the only right choice. It sounds infantile typing it out but it had to be done.
So we took her to the hospital to get her sobered up. She had a BAC of .4 so they held her until a psych doctor could get there. Next morning doctor came in and asked what she thought needed to happen and she said she needed help so we signed her up for rehab and now she's gone. It's a truly one of those weird moments where you feel sad, relieved, and happy all at the same time. I truly hope that since she hasn't been drinking hard but for a few months she won't have a terrible time detoxing but it is terrifying none the less. I feel bad for her because I know that she is a very introverted person and being away from me, her cat, and her home is going to be a very painful experience. Worse is that although I have helped with drug and alcohol counseling in the past through various programs (I was a HDFS major for a few years and took a lot of counseling classes that required me to have a clinical/practice portion) I have no idea what to expect from the rehab process.
I love her and I just want her back and healthy.
I have been lurking around the forums for a few months getting answers to my questions. I am a naturally curious soul and this board has sated my needs for knowledge about the problems myself and my wife are facing.
A short introduction:
My wife and I have been together since 2009 and married earlier this year. We've known each other all our lives but finally made the move at a bar here in town. When we met she was sweet, kind, witty, and a hell of a lot smarter than me. We've always gotten along well. We both graduated college last year and she went into nursing and I went into self storage for lack of a better direction in this area.
At the beginning of this year she began working a very stressful nursing job. She started drinking to help her sleep. I didn't think much of it because I figured it was just stress and she was planning on going somewhere less stressful when she was done with her obligation. When she fulfilled her obligation to them and tried to transfer to a less stressful position they basically forced her to stay. This lead to an increase in the drinking and the addition of another drug that she had a prescription for (I am thankful that she never diverted drugs from patients because that could have lead to her license being taken away.). We continued on with me and her parents doing the old ignore the problem and hope it goes away thing. It didn't. It got worse.
The past few weeks it got so bad that she could barely walk when she was not at work. She'd get home and down as many drinks as it took to render herself unconscious. She broke things and ruined carpet and would be embarrassed for a day and stop and then start again. She would paw at me in the middle of the night in a drunken attempt at intimacy. Basically she was allowing to strip away all of the things that attracted me to her. It finally came to a boil this weekend (My birthday weekend where I had a long weekend off and lots planned, selfish I know but still...) when she stayed so drunk she couldn't walk from the couch to the bathroom from Friday to Sunday. On Sunday, which was my birthday, I went from pity to anger. At some point I have to draw the line. I didn't want much. Just for her to be conscious enough to say happy birthday.
She finally became conscious enough to at least answer yes or no questions so I asked her if I was important to her. Yes. Does she think she has a problem? Yes. Does she think she can do anything about it? Shrug. Do you want help? Yes.
This lead to me doing the only thing I knew how because I'm a young newlywed. I called her parents. It was the only thing I could think to do that would allow her to get the help she needed and in our situation it was the only right choice. It sounds infantile typing it out but it had to be done.
So we took her to the hospital to get her sobered up. She had a BAC of .4 so they held her until a psych doctor could get there. Next morning doctor came in and asked what she thought needed to happen and she said she needed help so we signed her up for rehab and now she's gone. It's a truly one of those weird moments where you feel sad, relieved, and happy all at the same time. I truly hope that since she hasn't been drinking hard but for a few months she won't have a terrible time detoxing but it is terrifying none the less. I feel bad for her because I know that she is a very introverted person and being away from me, her cat, and her home is going to be a very painful experience. Worse is that although I have helped with drug and alcohol counseling in the past through various programs (I was a HDFS major for a few years and took a lot of counseling classes that required me to have a clinical/practice portion) I have no idea what to expect from the rehab process.
I love her and I just want her back and healthy.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Welcome WarEagle. I think you did the only thing you could do to help. The rest is going to be up to her. It's a shame you both have to go through this, but at least she knows you care enough to get her help, and that there are ways to turn it all around. I think you can learn a lot about the rehab process right here at SR. Best of luck to you both!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
WarEagle - Welcome. I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. I'm glad she has the help she needs, and at such a young age. I wish with all my heart that I'd stopped in my 20's, but my husband and I both drank heavily and didn't want the party to stop. It turned into a living hell before I was through.
SR is a wonderful place for support and hope. Check out our Friends and Family forum too. There are many who are going through the same thing. We are glad you're here!
SR is a wonderful place for support and hope. Check out our Friends and Family forum too. There are many who are going through the same thing. We are glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
It sounds to me like you've done what you can for your wife. I think you handled the situation perfectly.
Now what are you going to do for yourself? I would suggest Al Anon meetings, I think they could be really helpful. You have time to focus on you instead of constantly worrying about her. Is there something you've been putting off doing, a project or a goal you'd like to accomplish? Maybe start taking the steps to do that.
I am sorry for what you're going through, I am glad you've started posting. You will find a lot of support and understanding here.
Now what are you going to do for yourself? I would suggest Al Anon meetings, I think they could be really helpful. You have time to focus on you instead of constantly worrying about her. Is there something you've been putting off doing, a project or a goal you'd like to accomplish? Maybe start taking the steps to do that.
I am sorry for what you're going through, I am glad you've started posting. You will find a lot of support and understanding here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I know you did the right thing...I probably should have had somebody do that for me earlier than finding out on my own....Completely broken. I wouldn't worry about the detox...They're not going to let her suffer through it....They'll make it comfortable. I slept through mine. I think You should look into Al Anon for yourself...And hopefully they are grooming her for AA when she gets out...She's going to need support as well as you. I found out the hard way how progressive this disease is...Cost me a 17 year marriage....I was sick enough to take alcohol over a woman I really loved....It will do that to you. The sooner she gets a handle on this the better...I think you done good.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Welcome to SR. I think you did the right thing in calling her parents, even though I'm sure that was a difficult decision. If your wife truly wants to quit, rehab can be a great experience for her.
There are a couple of nurses in my home group, both men ironically, who probably have 40 years of sobriety between. People can get sober and go on and have a great life. I hope that's the future for the two of you.
There are a couple of nurses in my home group, both men ironically, who probably have 40 years of sobriety between. People can get sober and go on and have a great life. I hope that's the future for the two of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 102
I think you did the right thing, for what it's worth. My husband, family and friends all turned a blind eye to my drinking. Not blaming them-its my responsibility, for sure-but I DO think it helped me to stay sicker for longer. As long as no one confronted me I was able to believe that no one knew or it wasn't that bad, etc. Good for you for having the strength and courage to do the RIGHT thing-especially when it's so hard.
You sound like a good guy and a good partner. I wish the best for both of you.
You sound like a good guy and a good partner. I wish the best for both of you.
HtWn $KILL$
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 24
Right on man. You did the right thing for sure. Let her head clear a little in rehab. My experience in rehab was, Brotherhood, Unity, and LOTS OF MEETINGS. She will be getting a good education of her addiction, and i suggestion alanon for you brother man. To get an education on it, and for yourself. Making yourself better while she is getting better will help the both of you. Thanks for helping me stay sober today! peace.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 111
Great job, man. I know that must have been really hard. I hope treatment works for her, and I have a feeling it will (since her problems seem to have developed this year). I think you stepped in just in time.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
hey WarEagle. great name. i'm an Auburn fan as well (not many of us up in Wisconsin!). you've done well by her. rehab is great but not a magic bullet. it takes a change of lifestyle to quit drinking. i used to use the "alcohol helps me relax and sleep" excuse as well. "alcohol removes my inhibitions because i'm introverted" was another excuse. we have to learn to love ourselves and have some self confidence. i've built a lot of my new self confidence on my sobriety. it's given me my pride back. it's not that my world totally revolves around it but it is very close to the center of my tiny universe. sobriety isn't just about not drinking. it's like a weight loss journey. the people who fail are the people who just try to quit eating bad food and do nothing else. people who really succeed are the people who change all their bad habits. who exercise and treat themselves right in so many different ways. i wish you and your wife the best. i'm rooting for you both.
and i would be remiss if i didn't say WDE!
and i would be remiss if i didn't say WDE!
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