Lance2525

I’ve been a heavy, yet controlled, closet drinker for over 10 years. Without fail I’d drink half a fifth of Vodka or Jack Daniels plus a beer or two every night.

A “high functioning abuser” if you will. I have a rigid drinking schedule – Never before 5pm. I exercise regularly. Eat well. Seldom drink at social occasions – always at home. Never blacking out or hurling into the toilet. People who know me would probably never guess the volume of alcohol I consume. Crazy huh?

Earlier this year I was laid off from my job. Corporate “smart sizing” was the catch phrase until it happened to me. Thus became my emotional paradox: I was completely miserable with my high stress career . So part of me is relieved to be out of it. Except, now enter the stress of finding a job that will finance the two mortgages I am under. Needless to say, my dosage increased more and more each night.

Last Thursday morning, from out of the blue, I was hit with the epiphany my drinking may be out of control. Probably due to Wednesday’s final drink being an ice tea glass of Merlot mixed with the remains of the bottle of Vodka. I just decided it was time.

I did some research - Something you have a lot of time to do when unemployed – and deduced the “taper method” is best for me. Since then I have limited myself to two cans of Heineken each night. It’s been five, two beer nights and counting. Come Thursday, I’m dropping to one beer.

I’m having minor withdrawal symptoms. Feelings of tension. A little depressed. Gritting my teeth until I remind myself to stop. Occasional shivering – but I’m not sure if it is the really cool weather were having in Upstate NY. No heavy sweating or hallucinations. I’ve been drinking plenty of water and taking vitamin B.

Current fantasy: Sipping a tall Jack Daniels on the rocks in front of a blazing bonfire.

Although it’s only been a few days, I have to admit I’m feeling better about myself than I have in a long time. There are other BIG problems yet to overcome but how does that expression go? “Success is achieved once you begin taking steps in the right direction.

Wanted to get this out because since I was drinking alone, I am also quitting alone.

Weasel1966

Welcome lance. First off you are here. So you are not quitting alone. None of us are if we allow others in. And you did that with this post.

You will find a group of amazing people to offer advice or an ear or both.

Southerner

Hi Lance, I certainly understand the highly functioning abuser syndrome. It is amazing that one can drink hard and yet hold down a professional career and fool most people other than significant others/spouses.

Sounds as though you might have made up your mind to quit, but you are still kicking the idea around. I kicked the idea around for years, till binging went from a weekend to three or four days. Have you made any final determinations yet, or are you just testing the waters?

Anna

Welcome!

I hope it works for you. Personally, I think tapering is all but impossible for an alcoholic to manage. I think the best way to stop is to go cold turkey with your drs okay.

And, you are not alone. We really do understand how hard this is.

Lance2525

Southerner - My first test is to see how really hooked I am. Once I set out to do something I follow through. But ask me again once I'm dry for 30 days.

anewleafnow

Hi Lance, and welcome to the group. I just joined yesterday myself. So far the support and feed back have been a lot of comfort. I also was, as you put it, highly functioning. I was up to almost a gal. of booze a week. Never missed a day of work, never drank before 5:00, no arrest, non violent,... no one knew, except my wife and kids. I tried to hide it from them also. I got the ultimatum from the wife on Sunday am. and I'm done. Good luck, we can do this.

Southerner

Sounds like a plan. I think what I have learned is that everybody has to explore the situation in their own way and come to whatever conclusion they need to come to on their own. Please keep us informed how the tapering is doing.

MrsKing

Hi Lance, welcome to SR this is a wonderful place and you're no longer doing this alone now you're here.

Let us know how you get on. If your withdrawal symptoms worsen please see a Dr.

Lionhearted1

Hi lance, I totally agree with Anna if your are a real alcoholic tapering off will be almost impossible, good luck.

Sugarfix

This made me giggle! 'Will the real alcoholics please stand up... please stand up... !' (Slimshady.. bad joke.. my bad!)

Lance - welcome to SR! Well done on realising that you need to stop drinking.

Hope you manager to taper well. I would quit cold turkey personally, or just decrease a can every day.

Mescal

Lance,

I'm right there with you. Never before 5, except on the weekends, work out regulary if i wasn't too hung over, have held a job even getting a promo within the last year. But i've come to terms with the fact that this in no way meant my life was/is manageable under the influence of alcohol. This time i am doing AA whole heartedly and trying the steps. I'll have to agree with the rest of the group on tapering though. Each day you "taper" you're still listening to that voice in your head telling you it's ok to drink. Much like Anewleafnow i just got my wife's ultimatum. Quite the wake up call.

Lance2525

Things are moving well as schedual. I've been drinking lots of water, eating veggies and taking vitamin B.