DisplacedGRITS

well, it's late and i know i should be in bed but i was hanging out alone in chat while browsing some other websites (too riled up about the Packer/Seahawks game to sleep) when someone came in. without getting into detail, we talked, had a nice conversation but...i dunno...i didn't reach her. i know it's not my responsibility, i'm not out to save anyone but i just feel like i failed. i thought things were going well then suddenly there's (to paraphrase) "you seem nice but i don't believe you. goodbye." and i wanna cry. am crying. what did i do wrong? i didn't push hard. i didn't go too easy. it's like, here, i've got a gift i'd like to share with you. you can have it and it's free. this whole place is free if you just care to check it out. "i don't believe you. goodbye." *sigh* it just makes me really sad.

Dee74

If there's one thing I've learned DG it's that it's not my job to save people.

All I, you, or anyone can do is share our experience - the rest is up to the person we're speaking to and (if you believe in God as I do) up to God.

I don't want to talk about specifics about what happened in chat...I don;t think we should here...but I know I ran away from people who tried to help me for years.

I had many reasons....I was sometimes arrogant, sometimes in despair, sometimes immature...always scared...

for a long long time I was simply not ready to do what I needed to do.

Say a prayer if you're the praying kind, & try and get sleep DG - I reckon you did good

You never know - you may have planted a seed today

D

MycoolFitz

Sorry you're sad I was an educator all my life, never saved anyone. All I could do was be there and care, the rest was up to the individuals.

Liz45

I agree with Dee, something you said may stick with that person and be what helps them in the end.

MrsKing

Don't be sad about it. You tried your best to help someone, and that's the best we can do. The only person who can drive someone to change is that person themselves - all anyone can do outside of that is give their experience and their advice. I think even wanting to help anyone is a wonderful thing... please don't get upset about it. I'm sure you've helped in some way.

Threshold

I hung around SR a long time before I quit. Then for a long time while I repeatedly relapsed. Lots of times, whether I said it outloud or not, I didn't believe what I read here. Either didn't want to believe it, or was afraid to believe it, or wasn't in a place that I COULD believe it.

But here I am.

The honesty of people here, and ultimately my own commitment to recovery won.

We never know what people will do on their end.

Please don't despair, you may have "helped " more than you can ever know. And hey this thread is helping a lot of people. so one way or another, it's all to the good

2granddaughters

God's Will.

When the newcomer is open, you can't say anything wrong.
When they are closed, you can't say anything right.

You did the right thing and it will keep you sober.

All the best.

Bob R

djgsep1952

Thank you all for sharing. Relapse has become a way of life-I'm so tired of being this way.

Anna

You shared what you could share, with good intentions and that's all you can do.

Each of us has to find our own way on our own time.

freshstart57

Oh, DisplacedGrits, you are a dear dear soul. I am sorry for your pain, your frustration, your rejection, your confusion. Maybe there is some anger too. I feel the same way at times too.

You reach more people than you will ever know about, and your experience in chat does not mean that you did not reach this person, as you have no way of knowing this. So, now what? How will this experience affect you now? Will it change your actions or your intent?

I believe in you, DG, and I believe that you believe in yourself, too. SR is better for you and what you do. Please do not stop.

NoFireWater

It's understandable to feel sad, but you may have helped more than you know. Just a listening ear that cares is often a huge comfort. Sometimes people are feeling too raw to believe in hope and change. It's great you were there for the person, don't ever lose that helping spirit!

Vall

Dear Crazy Cat Lady :>,

I agree with all the messages to you above as I have seen your posts full of hope and encouragement to everyone on SR.

You know, even someone living in a different county in the USA has a different way of saying things that may easily be misinterpreted, let alone someone from a different country.

In the south of Italy for example where I have family, from one village to the next (2 miles way) they use a dialect that only those from the village understand. What I am trying to say is that we all absorb words in a different way and interpret them our way, which is not always the way that the person we were talking to intended.

I am sure that they know and you definitely know that you meant well.

Hope this makes sense :>

Weasel1966

Second and third all of the above.

When i lash out at someone I tend to look back and know I did it because they hit a nerve. Made me jump.

Perhaps this person responded that way not because you said the wrong thing..... But because you said the right thing.

You add a lot to this community. Keep it coming!

K

Hollyanne

I had a bit of a conversation going the other night with a newcomer.
She was having trouble in her relationship.
I being the relationship expert that I am :rotfxko, was nice and helpful and threw out a few thoughts.
The next thing, the whole thread disappeared and I was left wondering, did that really happen?
I presume she got cold feet and wanted to back away and cancelled her account.
She could have checked my profile and posts and figured out that I had no idea what the ham sandwich I was talking about.

Some people come on here and just blow off some steam and/or get through a crisis and move on. It is kind of weird. Like being on a long bus ride or plane ride and talking about everything and then "Bye now!!!!".

Admiral

There's this book called the four agreements, it's this philosophy for happiness by following some rules and one of the rules is "Never take anything personally."

The idea is that everything said and done by other people is a result of them and their experiences and has nothing to do with you. For example if someone says you are stupid, that is based on their own perception of reality, nothing more.

Do not take what happened in the chat personally because it wasn't about what you did or didn't do.

Another one of the agreements is to "Always try your best"

If we always try our best then we have nothing to feel bad about when things don't work out the way we want them to, and sometimes that's how it will be, but if we tried our best we have no reason to have regrets or feel ashamed.

IndaMiricale

As alcoholic's we are such a sensitve bunch..

It didnt do anything wrong, by just being here and talking your doing everything your suppose to.. Because your taking care of YOU...

You may have planted a seed, you never know when it will decide to sprout.

Opivotal

DG... I understand how you feel. All any of us can do, is extend a helping hand to members in need. You spent your time doing just that. You're to be commended and I thank you for your efforts.

Please don't let this experience discourage you from helping others. Today is a new day...there are plenty of members who can benefit from your kindness.



Best Wishes To You!

Zee

DG... I think you're lovely!