MycoolFitz

As a youth i was pretty violent then a war happened that fed the violence, then the addiction that numbed it. Now I can hardly see a flower or a sad post that doesn't tear me up. Not good soldiering. I would rather feel sad than feel numb and working on the PTSD to feel healthy. The booze did not work because it never helped heal it only helped hide it.

mecanix

You have built strong compassion for others and their suffering , thats beutiful Fitz .

Bestwishes, M

Threshold

I know what you mean fitz. It's hard to put down the armor because for some of us the war isn't over. We've gotten so used to expecting the enemy to be hiding, waiting to ambush us, that letting down our guard feels like we are inviting ambush.

Anything that "softens" me, frightens me most days.

My internal drill sargent starts firing off insults and commands.

So far it's been safe to cry at my computer. I even let myself shed a few tears in a movie theater (and there were two other people there besides me!), I guess it's a process.

MycoolFitz

As Pogo said "There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tinny blast on tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us" That turned out to be my case. Now its time to make peace.

bloss

Thanks, your posts make me realize we are all at some level "one"