aeo1313

My parents know I am now sober. I am 36 and a parent of my own, but always my folks little girl. I am very close to my parents. They know nothing of my last year's struggle with pain meds- or that I stole a lot of pills from them. They also know nothing of the scary near death bottom I had that caused my sobriety. Do I tell them these things or will it hurt them more to know? I hate having it a secret, but I don't want to scare them either. Any advice?

pipparina

How long are you sober? If you are fairly new, I would suggest hold off.
Do you go to AA? Have a sponsor?

Also, check deep down for why you feel like telling the now as opposed to waiting a bit. What is it you hope to have happen by telling them?

I try to delay any talks like this until I am sure I'm doing it for the right reason and not causing anyone else harm

Mark75

I haven't told people close to me everything, nor will I...

If you simply want to tell them just because you hate keeping a secret, IDK, it seems like a lot of angst and worry to lay at their doorstep...

aeo1313

I think you are right. It won't help them any to learn this news, and it's not a current threat to me anymore, so I guess it is pointless to tell them. It would just cause pain.

aeo1313

I'm almost 5 months sober and I am not in AA. I don't think I will say anything.

DisplacedGRITS

well, what do you hope to achieve by telling them. will it really make you feel better or are you worried that it will change the way they look at you now that they know you've had another bout with addiction? it's a very personal decision. my parents would probably know but i'd probably have told my Mom as soon as i started getting sober again. that's just how our relationship works. maybe set the question aside for a couple of weeks then revisit it. how do you feel then? have your feelings on the matter changed? also, as a grown woman, i know that i don't have to share everything about my life with my parents. what i choose to share and what i don't is up to me. i don't consider what i don't share a secret. it's just my life. it's private.

Dee74

I think it's important live honestly, and it's important to take responsibility for our actions...unless...you genuinely feel that confessing would do more harm than good to your parents, aeo.

You, out of all of us, know all the parties involved.
best of luck with your decision

D

freshstart57

Aeo, it might be best to let this sleeping dog lie. I know that you are thinking about your guilt around this time of your life, but nothing will change the facts around what happened then. It can't be undone.

I worked on some stuff like this too, Aeo. I set those thoughts aside by accepting that was what I did. Yep, that was me. Part of this process was just acceptance - no judgement or hankie twisting because that stuff only leads one place for me, back to comrade Smirnoff. Just acceptance. The other part of the process was making my life into something so much better than what I was then. I use each day to do the best, to be the best that I can.

I think that you will need to come to that place of acceptance whether you take your parents back to that time or not. If it is the right thing for you to do, there will come a time, and you will know.

SlimSlim

My thoughts on the subject are tempered a bit by "or that I stole a lot of pills from them".

My son's addict gf stole pills from me, and I knew. If you stole a lot of pills from your parents, they most likely know too. The addict likes to think that they are smart when it comes to things like this, but in the long run, the secret is usually not so secret.

Something for you to think about.

Katsmeeyow

Tough call...in my case I tend to keep everything a secret whether I should or shouldn't. I'm still trying to figure out when it's right or wrong.

The pills thing is tough though...like slimslim said, they may know...wishing you all the best in your recovery!

aeo1313

This is what I was thinking. I would take whole bottles- they had to wonder how the bottle disapeared. I am for sure not telling them about the bad end that brought me to recovery- that would just scare them for no good reason at all.

Threshold

When my kids were growing up, we had this house "etiquette" rule.

I someone burped or farted, then they should say "excuse me" at about the same volume as the offending noise. That way, they were being polite to the people affected by it, but not calling attention to it uneccessarily.

I sorta feel that's not a bad rule of thumb in life.

My parent's weren't nearby and didn't see or feel many effects of my addiction. They were a little concerned on one of my last wasted visits there when it was becoming clear I had a serious problem. When I got clean, I let them know I wasn't drinking anymore. They appreciated that and it calmed their fears.

No point in bringing up my drug use, or how the whole addiction mess and other issues messed up other areas of my life. It would upset them, worry them and they never knew about it in the first place.

I know there have been a LOT of times I've laid in bed upset over something someone told me that I had NO idea why they burdened me with some scary information. I try not to do that to others. But if a friend shares something that explains a troubling situation, then I am grateful as the information actually calms my worried mind.

bbthumper

I used to steal pain meds from my grandmother. She had and still has no clue. It came up in one of my inventories and I discussed it with my sponsor. We decided that it would only cause harm to her if I told her. So, my sponsor asked "how often do you visit your grandma??" I told him once every couple of months. He told me to visit her twice a month. So I do. She loves it. Much rather make her happy than break her heart by telling her I used to steal her drugs.