Where do I start?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Where do I start?
So I am sitting here the morning after again. The hangover, the regrets, the embarassment of my drinking. I guess looking back I have been an alcoholic my entire adult life. My low was last night for the first time my 7 year old son saw my "episode" up until now I had really tried to be careful. I was falling down drunk again but what scared me it was beer not hard alcohol. I hit my husband, screamed at him, and embarassed us at a friends house all in front of my son. My husband called my mother to the house to help my son while he tried to deal with me. I have in and out memories of what occurred. I am mortified again. I have really hit the bottom of the barrel. I can't believe how horrible I have been to my family and friends. I realize I drink as an excuse to de-stress. Have been for years. I always have this sense of regret after a night of drinking. I hate the way I feel and then within a few days it goes away and I am back drinking on the weekend. I social drink that is one thing. Every where I go and everyone I am with drinks - I feel like sometimes I have more control but then there are other times I really don't have control like last night. These episodes are happening more frequently. My poor husband and son. I want to do this for them and myself. But where do I start? How do I keep the momentum of refusing a drink. do I make myself designated driver? do I bring a bottle water to parties we have to go to? What do I do. I apologize for this rambling I am really just not sure what to do and where to start. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and offer assistance!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR tjmjh...This is a great place to be. I can tell you I was at that point I'd hurt enough people...Including myself...And I just couldn't do it anymore. What worked for me was walking into an AA meeting and asking for help. I haven't had a drink since...almost 15 months.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I am less than a week in so I can't offer too much advice BUT I will say that I have been going to AA and all I keep hearing is "you never have to feel that way again" (as long as I don't take that first drink which always leads to a blackout). That statement really resonates with me. I really DON'T have to feel like that again. Have you ever tried AA or counseling? I am glad you are here and wish you the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Thank you both
No I have never been to counseling or AA. I guess I have always thought I had it under control apparently I haven't ... I was thinking the counseling route not sure where to start for that I guess my doctor first. I am glad to be here and I guess my first step is here acknowledging my problem. Thank you both again for making me feel welcome!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Do some reading and posting here...A lot of great people. Here is a thread with people quitting this month...If you would like...You can say hello and join them.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-20.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-20.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Definitely will Sapling thank you! I am thinking that is best route. I know I am a social drinker or more of a binge drinker. I am not one to have a glass of wine while watching TV - my challenge comes from the social drinking then I come home and don't stop. I definitely will be calling my doctor tomorrow. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Good for you...Here is the Big Book of AA online if you want to look at it. I read this book and thought they wrote it about me.
The text of Alcoholics Anonymous
The text of Alcoholics Anonymous
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by tjmjh 
Definitely will Sapling thank you! I am thinking that is best route. I know I am a social drinker or more of a binge drinker. I am not one to have a glass of wine while watching TV - my challenge comes from the social drinking then I come home and don't stop. I definitely will be calling my doctor tomorrow. Thank you.
I am now almost 5 months sober. I started in AA, but am now just doing my own thing. Welcome...keep reading...this is a great place!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
Welcome, tjmjh!
What keeps the momentum going is attending AA meetings and working the steps.
I have been sober almost 11 months, I don't think I could have done it without AA.
I only drank beer and had control most of the time. Like you, there were those times I lost that control and ended up making a donkey of myself. I learned that my spouse could only take a limited quantity of these "episodes". I was then faced with the choice to lose my family and keep drinking or work on my family and quit drinking. Actually, at the time I quit, I felt I had already lost my family as my wife had made the decision to move away with our daughter. I quit, because I knew without them here to keep balance in my life, it would eventually create health problems, possibly cause legal and financial problems, and eventually kill me. I strongly suggest you try AA. If you don't like the first meeting you attend, try another one. They are all a little different.
Best of luck to you!
What keeps the momentum going is attending AA meetings and working the steps.
I have been sober almost 11 months, I don't think I could have done it without AA.
I only drank beer and had control most of the time. Like you, there were those times I lost that control and ended up making a donkey of myself. I learned that my spouse could only take a limited quantity of these "episodes". I was then faced with the choice to lose my family and keep drinking or work on my family and quit drinking. Actually, at the time I quit, I felt I had already lost my family as my wife had made the decision to move away with our daughter. I quit, because I knew without them here to keep balance in my life, it would eventually create health problems, possibly cause legal and financial problems, and eventually kill me. I strongly suggest you try AA. If you don't like the first meeting you attend, try another one. They are all a little different.
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Hi! Welcome to SR. First and foremost , you are not alone. All of us on here have struggled with Alcohol and are finding/trying ways that lead us into living a better life for our families and most importantly for ourselves. I relate to what you are saying all to well. I hope that you find the support that you need here and at home. Calling your doctor is a very good move. Please keep posting and once again welcome! Life can and will be so different with a few steps in a different direction. ((Hug))
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
I think it is great you are reaching out.
Most of us know the horrible feelings you are enduring right now. The only way that you will feel stronger is by making the decision not to drink anymore.
As for today, take it slowly. Hydrate, nap, take a bath, some vitamins. You can't change the horror of last night, so try not to keep ruminating about it. (says the queen of rumination)
Checking into SR often has done wonders for me to see that my patterns ARE one of an alcoholic, and to get me to the point of recognizing I don't have the ability to drink in a normal way any longer.
Oh, I wouldn't be going to any parties for awhile. I think one MUST avoid situations that are threatening to our sobriety...until safer days are reached.
Wishing you the best.
Most of us know the horrible feelings you are enduring right now. The only way that you will feel stronger is by making the decision not to drink anymore.
As for today, take it slowly. Hydrate, nap, take a bath, some vitamins. You can't change the horror of last night, so try not to keep ruminating about it. (says the queen of rumination)
Checking into SR often has done wonders for me to see that my patterns ARE one of an alcoholic, and to get me to the point of recognizing I don't have the ability to drink in a normal way any longer.
Oh, I wouldn't be going to any parties for awhile. I think one MUST avoid situations that are threatening to our sobriety...until safer days are reached.
Wishing you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Thank you RevivingOphelia! I will take your suggestions and start a new slowly today. I think its one of those things that I am coming to terms with this morning. I am fortunate I have the husband I do. He has dealt with this for 15 years. I agree about the parties 
The challenge I have these are neighborhood parties for my son so its very hard not to go if you know what I mean. I guess I can't worry about that bridge until I come to it right! Start today and I'll see where today leads me! I appreciate your honesty! Thank you!
The challenge I have these are neighborhood parties for my son so its very hard not to go if you know what I mean. I guess I can't worry about that bridge until I come to it right! Start today and I'll see where today leads me! I appreciate your honesty! Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by tjmjh
So I am sitting here the morning after again. The hangover, the regrets, the embarassment of my drinking. I guess looking back I have been an alcoholic my entire adult life. My low was last night for the first time my 7 year old son saw my "episode" up until now I had really tried to be careful. I was falling down drunk again but what scared me it was beer not hard alcohol. I hit my husband, screamed at him, and embarassed us at a friends house all in front of my son. My husband called my mother to the house to help my son while he tried to deal with me. I have in and out memories of what occurred. I am mortified again. I have really hit the bottom of the barrel. I can't believe how horrible I have been to my family and friends. I realize I drink as an excuse to de-stress. Have been for years. I always have this sense of regret after a night of drinking. I hate the way I feel and then within a few days it goes away and I am back drinking on the weekend. I social drink that is one thing. Every where I go and everyone I am with drinks - I feel like sometimes I have more control but then there are other times I really don't have control like last night. These episodes are happening more frequently. My poor husband and son. I want to do this for them and myself. But where do I start? How do I keep the momentum of refusing a drink. do I make myself designated driver? do I bring a bottle water to parties we have to go to? What do I do. I apologize for this rambling I am really just not sure what to do and where to start. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and offer assistance!
The social binge slowly turns into everyday blackouts at least it did for me.
Glad you are here. We can do this, I hope you stick around. The community here is incredible.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,833
Welcome to SR! Take a look around, there's lots of options these days to help you quit for good...seeing your doctor is a great start (just make sure you're totally honest about your drinking). I wish you well
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