Where do I start?
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Hi tjmth, welcome. Where do you start? You start by making a commitment to stop drinking permanently, or a commitment to control your drinking if you can. After being a drunk for 42 years I finally accepted the fact that I could not control my drinking and made a commitment to stop and have done so for 2 years now. One thing I'd like to point out is, it is a myth that alcohol relieves stress, as your description of that night points out. Coping with stress is something that I am learning to do, because stress is not going to go away. It can be done tjmth, good luck. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Reliving today my last night...
I think one of the worst things right now I am feeling is this sense of reliving my last night. Everything is starting to rush back in detail to me. I keep wanting to turn off the switch but can't. I guess I will have these moments and many like them in the coming weeks. Thank you again for your welcoming and supportive comments. I know I have to start looking ahead instead of backwards...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Originally Posted by tjmjh 
So I am sitting here the morning after again. The hangover, the regrets, the embarassment of my drinking. I guess looking back I have been an alcoholic my entire adult life. My low was last night for the first time my 7 year old son saw my "episode" up until now I had really tried to be careful. I was falling down drunk again but what scared me it was beer not hard alcohol. I hit my husband, screamed at him, and embarassed us at a friends house all in front of my son. My husband called my mother to the house to help my son while he tried to deal with me. I have in and out memories of what occurred. I am mortified again. I have really hit the bottom of the barrel. I can't believe how horrible I have been to my family and friends. I realize I drink as an excuse to de-stress. Have been for years. I always have this sense of regret after a night of drinking. I hate the way I feel and then within a few days it goes away and I am back drinking on the weekend. I social drink that is one thing. Every where I go and everyone I am with drinks - I feel like sometimes I have more control but then there are other times I really don't have control like last night. These episodes are happening more frequently. My poor husband and son. I want to do this for them and myself. But where do I start? How do I keep the momentum of refusing a drink. do I make myself designated driver? do I bring a bottle water to parties we have to go to? What do I do. I apologize for this rambling I am really just not sure what to do and where to start. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and offer assistance!
Right now I am only on day 16 of my own sobriety so I don't have any great wisdom to offer, but I really relate to your post. Like you, sometimes I had control when I drank and sometimes I didn't. The problem was I never knew which one it was going to be. I've had "episodes" just like yours. I don't have a child, but I'm ashamed to say my husband has had to put up with similar behavior from me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone, as you'll discover on SR if you stick around here (hope you do!) If you want to quit badly enough, you'll discover how to do it. Everyone is here to help.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by tjmjh
I think one of the worst things right now I am feeling is this sense of reliving my last night. Everything is starting to rush back in detail to me. I keep wanting to turn off the switch but can't. I guess I will have these moments and many like them in the coming weeks. Thank you again for your welcoming and supportive comments. I know I have to start looking ahead instead of backwards...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Getting there
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by tjmjh
So I am sitting here the morning after again. The hangover, the regrets, the embarassment of my drinking. I guess looking back I have been an alcoholic my entire adult life. My low was last night for the first time my 7 year old son saw my "episode" up until now I had really tried to be careful. I was falling down drunk again but what scared me it was beer not hard alcohol. I hit my husband, screamed at him, and embarassed us at a friends house all in front of my son. My husband called my mother to the house to help my son while he tried to deal with me. I have in and out memories of what occurred. I am mortified again. I have really hit the bottom of the barrel. I can't believe how horrible I have been to my family and friends. I realize I drink as an excuse to de-stress. Have been for years. I always have this sense of regret after a night of drinking. I hate the way I feel and then within a few days it goes away and I am back drinking on the weekend. I social drink that is one thing. Every where I go and everyone I am with drinks - I feel like sometimes I have more control but then there are other times I really don't have control like last night. These episodes are happening more frequently. My poor husband and son. I want to do this for them and myself. But where do I start? How do I keep the momentum of refusing a drink. do I make myself designated driver? do I bring a bottle water to parties we have to go to? What do I do. I apologize for this rambling I am really just not sure what to do and where to start. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and offer assistance!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, tjmjh!
Congrats on deciding to get sober! I know everyone here can relate to what you said and it's great that you're taking steps now to make a change. It always gets worse if we keep drinking.
Keep reading and look at all the resources/help available. I think support is the #1 main thing that's kept me sober - I come here every day. Good to have you with us!
Congrats on deciding to get sober! I know everyone here can relate to what you said and it's great that you're taking steps now to make a change. It always gets worse if we keep drinking.
Keep reading and look at all the resources/help available. I think support is the #1 main thing that's kept me sober - I come here every day. Good to have you with us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Thank you all again for your support - It has been a long day so far! I still feel horrible. I did take my son for a bike ride today so that was a good thing! He is doing so awesome on two wheels made me very proud! This is such a great group of people thank you again!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
I completly understand. I stopped, when I hurt a person I was very close to. I started yelling at him over the phone and he would not even talk to me for 3 days. Thats how much I hurt him. This was the start and it was a journey from there. I am now 19 month in. I did not go to AA, however I was glued to this site every day for 2h..... I kept reading, changed my eating and I startd every time I felt like drinking I went for a walk or went on this site.... Keep us posted how it will go
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
welcome tjmjh 
When I first came here, someone said - you never have to feel that way again - I thought 'yeahhh right'...but I haven't...not drinking has changed my life...immeasurably for the better
There's a lot of support here - and a lot of ideas for support elsewhere too.
So glad you've joined us
D
When I first came here, someone said - you never have to feel that way again - I thought 'yeahhh right'...but I haven't...not drinking has changed my life...immeasurably for the better
There's a lot of support here - and a lot of ideas for support elsewhere too.
So glad you've joined us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by tjmjh
Thank you walkingwithgod I did post earlier today and have been reading through the posts today! one day at a time - my 1st day is almost over so that is a good thing
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
We're so glad to have you with us. Be proud of yourself for deciding to reclaim your life. When I joined SR I found hope and encouragement that I didn't have in my life - no one understood. I'd been so alone with the problem up until then.
Congratulations on your life changing decision - we're all here for you. You can do it.
Congratulations on your life changing decision - we're all here for you. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
I found it helpful to have some ideas of what I'd do when I felt like drinking. I needed to change my routine around 4 pm , when I usually poured a glass of wine. I've always enjoyed walking....but boy have I logged some miles since I quit drinking in June...and lost weight Biking with your son sounds nice and I'm sure he enjoys it too. I also went on a cleaning frenzy - LOL.
Biking with your son sounds nice and I'm sure he enjoys it too. I also went on a cleaning frenzy - LOL.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Hmm we always start at a beginning. This might be your beginning. For me it was an acceptance I could never predict what would happen if I had one drink and what would happen. Additionally the more years I drank the more crazy it got or unmanageable and the more often a heavy night became heavy days even weeks.
Seeing the Dr and truly being honest about your drinking helps. You may want your husband to be there as often we don't count how much we drink accurately. When your so far in and can't recall some of what happened I know I could never remember correctly. At the end I could count my empties at home because that's where I drank but even then I hid empty bottles ...still finding them.
I now have no wife nor kids to see now unless I fly 5 hours away because all my episodes , well remembered by me , did not keep me from drinking again. I did not lose it all yet but I sure had to face facts and get honest with myself. My Dr had know my issues for years as well and luckily I have not totally trashed my physical body yet. I still have a soon to be ex wife who talks with me and we are civil. My kids still talk to me and even love me and I never hid the fact I was an alcoholic but I never truly got off my butt to do something about it. Admiring it changed nothing. A plan of action and action for me was the only way.
There are lots of choices. I am using AA and SMART Recovery as I don't feel they are in conflict with each other or with me. I found I could not do this on my own , some can , many can't. I find the meetings of both these groups helps me reconnect with people who know what the condition is like. Most non alcoholics really don't understand in a deep way what the insanity is like from my discussions with non alcoholic friends. I came clean to them and they accepted and actually thanked me as they had all seen me make a mess too many times ...kind of amazed they still like me.
I see that I need to make some major changes in how I approach many things as the drinking stops but the old ways of going and thinking about life will sure have me back drinking unless I am all in on the change to sobriety. Its not pretty , fun or glamourous but neither is the way I drink. What I see in people who surrendered and gained sobriety is they now have a life that is good , fun and full. Its not perfect and they have bad days and challenges but now they can deal with them. I want what they have as I too have been drinking all my adult life. I have fewer days ahead of me than behind so I want them to be the best.
SR is a great place for support.
Good luck to making your start!
Seeing the Dr and truly being honest about your drinking helps. You may want your husband to be there as often we don't count how much we drink accurately. When your so far in and can't recall some of what happened I know I could never remember correctly. At the end I could count my empties at home because that's where I drank but even then I hid empty bottles ...still finding them.
I now have no wife nor kids to see now unless I fly 5 hours away because all my episodes , well remembered by me , did not keep me from drinking again. I did not lose it all yet but I sure had to face facts and get honest with myself. My Dr had know my issues for years as well and luckily I have not totally trashed my physical body yet. I still have a soon to be ex wife who talks with me and we are civil. My kids still talk to me and even love me and I never hid the fact I was an alcoholic but I never truly got off my butt to do something about it. Admiring it changed nothing. A plan of action and action for me was the only way.
There are lots of choices. I am using AA and SMART Recovery as I don't feel they are in conflict with each other or with me. I found I could not do this on my own , some can , many can't. I find the meetings of both these groups helps me reconnect with people who know what the condition is like. Most non alcoholics really don't understand in a deep way what the insanity is like from my discussions with non alcoholic friends. I came clean to them and they accepted and actually thanked me as they had all seen me make a mess too many times ...kind of amazed they still like me.
I see that I need to make some major changes in how I approach many things as the drinking stops but the old ways of going and thinking about life will sure have me back drinking unless I am all in on the change to sobriety. Its not pretty , fun or glamourous but neither is the way I drink. What I see in people who surrendered and gained sobriety is they now have a life that is good , fun and full. Its not perfect and they have bad days and challenges but now they can deal with them. I want what they have as I too have been drinking all my adult life. I have fewer days ahead of me than behind so I want them to be the best.
SR is a great place for support.
Good luck to making your start!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Thank you YVRGuy! Your heartfelt post I relate to ! I hope this is a good start. I social drink so really my fear lies in the weekend not the week but already the weekend plans are rolling in. I know I can do this! I just have to stay focused just like I do in other parts of my life! Thank you!
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