Lionhearted1

Been in and out of recovery since march 12 managed to get 2 months then relapse, then another month then relapse, then recently I got 6 weeks then relapsed and now I had 3 weeks and relapsed. I can't live my life this way it's so painful, the drinking really is a progressive thing after 2 months I drink 1 bottle of wine and thats it all bets are off. My fiancé has lost faith in me and thinks iam always going to be like this sober a while then relapse and to be honest I think she might be right, I get to a point where I get so worked up that drink seems the answer, I continually have this obsession that I will be able to control it this time!!! I am starting to feel that I can only stay sober 2 months then I get so unhappy because I can't drink or the last spree seems not so bad. Iam unhappy in recovery and unhappy drinking!!!!!

Dee74

I'm sorry you're struggling lionhearted.

I think recovery is about more than not drinking...we also need to learn to be happy sober, and that can take a little longer than 2 months

You could do worse than to post regularly here - daily even - there's a lot of support here...coming to SR everyday helped keep me sober

Come join our Class of September
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-20.html

D

least

Welcome! I got sober with the help of my counselor and this site and am coming up on three years soon. If I can do it, so can you.

Sapling

I just posted this for someone else...It's from the Big Book of AA...Sounds like your story...I know it was mine. Maybe you can check out an AA meeting...Sounds like what you are doing isn't working. I wasted years trying to figure this out on my own...You don't have to do that.

Chapter 3


MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

Anna

As Dee said, there is much more to recovery than stopping drinking. What changes have you made in your life during the months you were not drinking?

Threshold

hi Lion,

Getting sober is the first step, but most of us have to address other issues as well. Many of us drank as a means to "cope" with life, even though drinking was really an excuse to NOT cope with life.

Counseling, recovery programs, support groups in real time or online like SR are all good ways of learning to live a sober life, a GOOD life, not our old disordered life minus alcohol, but a life that is satisfying.

Many times we addicts see some one who's recovered and think "but I don't want to be like THEM". Maybe we see them going to meetings all the time, or having found religion, or whatever and we don't feel that we want that to be what our life becomes. BUT, getting sober means we find out who we really are, we don't have to be what sobriety means to someone else, we get to be our own unique sober selves!

And what we forget is that there are thousands of former drinkers out there, who are going about their lives happily and we just don't know that they were once living the hell of alcoholism. Not all former drinkers wear it on their sleeve.

Most of us have a history of quitting, relapsing, etc several or many times over before we finally figure out how to quit for good. So your situation is not by any means hopeless or uncommon. Many of us realize we can't do it all by ourselves and find that staying in contact with others in recovery and sharing our common experiences helps us move forward in our recovery.

This forum has been a critical support in my recovery and I don't think I would have maintained sobriety without it. When I feel hopeless, I am reminded that there is hope, and the people here help me work through my challenges as they come up, reminding me that drinking is never the solution.

Sapling

Millions of former drinkers.

tomsteve

i am glad to see alcohol is the problem. have you done anything to other than not drinking to help you not drink? have you done anything to change you? i got sober because i was miserable, not to be misearable, bt i knew that it was gonna require more than just not drinking. i had to look at myself and find out what made me tick and change me. i got the help from AA. i went, did what the BB says to do, and life, not just existing, but life had been pretty awesome. i have been able to get through everything in life that has happened and i cant see anything that could happen that a drink would make better. that comes from remembering my past and seeing that alcohol didnt help anything, so i wanted to change.

tomsteve

"And what we forget is that there are thousands of former drinkers out there, who are going about their lives happily and we just don't know that they were once living the hell of alcoholism. Not all former drinkers wear it on their sleeve."

the wild thing about all of the people in recovery i have met in AA: i only know 2 that i ever drank with. seeing and hearing the stories form all these people and knowing how they are today, i sometimes find it hard to believe they were once some pretty hard core drunks.

Cjdavis

I always found a reason to drink. I could rationalize it up and down. But what I have discovered is that I drank because I did not want to feel. Angry, confused, hurt, anxiety, and of course to celebrate anything remotely good. We have to recognize those feelings that we are having and find an alternative to drinking when we feel them. When I get a feeling (that I avoided before). I remind myself that I have two paths before me........to drink over it or be strong and face what I'm feeling. Drinking always seems easier, but I am strong than the drink. It takes time. It really is baby steps. Believe in yourself. Take those opportunities to make those changes in your life that will eventually transform you. You can't get sober for anyone else------this is for you. Go to meetings if you can. One day at a time and sometimes I have to take it one minute at a time.

Lionhearted1

Thanks guys, I have been going to meetings but I get to a point where I start ducking my sponsor and meetings and within a week iam drunk. Guess the answer is on the wall!!

Sapling

That could be your problem. I had to make it my job. 15 months later without a drink...I'm glad I did.