pianista

Hi everyone! This is my first time ever seeing this website, and this is also my first post. I think I found a good online "hangout" on nights like tonight when I'm by myself and crabby and desperate to not drink You all seem really cool and I'm looking forward to reading some more forums and some inspirational material.

I've been dealing with depression for about 8 years now (i'm 27 now), depression which was probably linked with my hypothyroidism. So I was frustrated when meds didn't seem to make it go away, and so over the last two years I've been really good about taking antidepressants and thyroid meds every day, and the depression was still not where I wanted it to be. I've basically been exhausted, sleeping 10+ hours per day since I was 19. It's a bummer, to say the least, not being able to go out for lunch with friends because I'd get too crabby if I'd have to skip my nap, or being constantly too tired to do things with my 3 and 5 year old kids.

In June of this year, I got a DWI and quit cold turkey. I did not know how dangerous it was...I'm lucky I guess. I was probably drinking about 2 bottles of wine per day. Anyway, the DWI was finally the straw that broke the camel's back; I had been conscious of the fact I was drinking too much and that on top of that, I make horrible life decisions whilst drinking.

So I quit and life got way better! I got a new dream job within 1.5 months of quitting, I'm enjoying my kids more, etc. Unfortunately I'm still exhausted and not drinking has randomly been getting more depressing over the last week or so, no clue why.

Also I've been way more cranky lately and apparently I've been really mean and snarky to my husband (which I'm normally not) and my libido has gone from 60 to 0 in the last month, along with physical affection. Also I have really been avoiding showers (I know, gross!) but the idea of taking off my clothes sounds too...tiring? It's super weird. I've been anointing myself with perfume haha.

I guess I was hoping that maybe after almost 3 months of not drinking, i'd be feeling a little more normal and not have random new side effects coming around.

I've been googling side effects of quitting drinking but the only web results have been the side effects within the first week or so. Do any of you have any experience over the first few months of sobriety to help me out? My husband is sick of me still being hung up on drinking and he wants to move on and so do I but it's actually been getting harder to think about anything else even though so much of my life has been getting better with my new job. Within a month after quitting, I could go a long time without thinking about drinking, but now in the last 2 weeks or so I'm thinking about it a lot more again. Does this happen a lot?

What were some things that surprised you about sobriety after a few months? When did you feel like you could move on to where your brain didn't think about alcohol all the time? When was it that you could really enjoy an something sober without thinking "this would be more fun if I had a cocktail!" Being sober is kind of boring for me. I used to drink around my kids all the time because are stressful to be around. I find that sober, I enjoy my kids more but I'm still painfully bored by stuff other parents seem to eat up.

So? This is a jumbled mixed up combination of both questions from experienced quitters and my own personal story. If you can decipher any of it haha please respond and let me know what to expect, or at least part of your story, dealing with your third month or whatever.

Today is literally the worst I've felt since quitting drinking and it's so stupid because I should be so happy! What the crap is wrong with me?!

Dee74

Hi Pianista

you may get a lot out of this link about PAWS - read it and see if anything resonates with you

PAWS « Digital Dharma

Of course there could be many other factors too.

I found it necessary to remind myself that being sober doesn't fix everything...it would be great if the more sober time we had the better we feel, but it's just not that simple in my experience - just like life is full of ups and downs, so is recovery...

It's nothing to be scared of or disillusioned about, I don't think...it just means we'll have days when we have to work harder than others

For example, if you think life is a little boring, what can you do to fix that? or is it more a feeling?

Feeling unmotivated enough to take care of yourself is always a red flag for me in my life...It might suggest something you need help too?

maybe you need to re-check with your Dr about your depression meds?

Whatever the cause, I empathise...but I know you'll find a lot of support here
D

NewBeginning010

to SR pianista

You will find a lot of support & understanding here. I think we all have different stories & experiences with a very common thread. I find I have to really practice living in the Now to be able to enjoy the moment. Its hard to make the change from always having alcohol to lean on to leaning on yourself.

As hectic as it is right now it sounds like your doing quite well... your sober, sharing & looking to learn more about yourself & your challenge with alcohol (and living without it).

I had to make many changes in the way I think, what I do & feel. I am currently learning a method called AVRT which I have found helpful lately (another tool in the toolbox as they say). Here is a link to a post on here about the technique http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...yone-read.html

There will be others along to share their experinces, keep posting & stay close its a great site.

Take Care ~ NB

IndaMiricale

Awesome and Welcome

I am sorry your having a bad day. I was on a rollar coaster of energy and emtions for several months after quitting . I am almost always upbeat and fun, but I would just drag and get cranky too.. I abused my mind and body for several decades, so I cant excpet it to know how to take care of itself without alcohol quickly...

I got involved in AA and that really took away the boredom.. I was so busy working on just being sober for the day and myself at the beginning it really kept most drinking idea's at bay. Or at least when I did, I was in a place that it wasnt a choice to drink.

So now I am just so busy being active and enjoying sobriety with AA, meetings , golf outings, picnic's, on and on..

So glad you found us, you find a great deal of love and support here.

NewBeginning010

Oh, here is a good read. A book called Under The Influence re alcohol & its effects http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

The AA Big Book online Big Book On Line
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

A great site to listen to others stories and what they went/are going through AA Speaker Tapes : Find Alcoholics Anonymous Speakers

ReadyAndAble

Sorry you're hitting a rough patch, pianista. I'm really glad you posted. That's a good step right there, just reaching out and telling people.

The key, for me, was to realize I was missing something that no longer existed. Drinking had stopped being a positive force in my life a long, long, long time ago. I had to realize that addiction isn't just the act of drinking. It's buying into the fantasy. I had to realize it was all a lie, all those romanticized images of a cocktail, glistening in sun like something out of a glossy magazine ad. The reality of my drinking was me checking the whites of my eyes for signs of jaundice, of winching at the sound of a bottle collector hitting the motherlode in my recycling bin, of waking up to waves of regret time after pathetic time.

Once I learned to separate the truth from the lies my addiction told me, things started clicking. Do you remember why you started this?

Hang in there. No one ever regretted staying on track.

Sapling

Welcome to SR pianista....I can tell you from my own experience that I went through something similiar to what you are going through. I quit and whiteknuckled it for 10 months my first attempt at getting sober and I was miserable...I wasn't drinking...But I wasn't happy. I later came to find out I was suffering from untreated alcoholism. I ended up going back to drinking for about six more years before I came to the point I couldn't go on anymore. I was introduced to AA in a rehab and given the Big Book to read. This paragraph from the Doctor's opinion made sense to me.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

You see...I had removed the alcohol but I was still restless, irritable and discontented. I was also suffering from anxiety and depression. The entire psychic change I experienced was a result of worklng the 12 steps of AA....Which I did with a sponsor when I left rehab. So I'm coming up on 15 months sober this time....I'm happy...The anxiety and depression solved with no medication...And my obsession to drink lifted. That may sound too good to be true...I can only say that this program is world wide and it has helped millions of alcoholics of the hopeless variety....Myself being one of them. I have made friends in AA with anywhere from 20 to 50 years sobriety that are living happy lives....Which is all I was looking for. Would this be the solution for you?....That I don't know....But I do know it is available everywhere and it doesn't cost anything to try it.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Pianista

What other help are you getting with your depression? Has your doctor referred you to a counsellor or anything?

I can relate to a lot of stuff in your post. I think I was expecting things to be miraculously better after even less than 3 months, but even though things were getting a little better everyday I was still exhausted all the time. Getting to work and back was just about manageable but anything on top of that was beyond my capabilities. My mood was up and down and I had a tendency to be extremely irritable. I was told I have hypothyroidism when I was about 6 months sober (only a few weeks ago) so like you I have been expecting the meds to solve everything but I know they won't. I think it is really common for people to feel unmotivated and tired in recovery but I think we need to do something to get ourselves out of the pit because it's so easy to get stuck down there. I keep a journal to keep track of my moods and practice mindfulness meditation, but really I think counselling would benefit me. I suffered from depression since before I even started drinking but have never had any treatment so that is something I need to address sober.

Regarding thinking about alcohol... I know for me that I found it much harder to fight the urge to drink after 3 months. I don't know if it was just because physically I felt better and the reasons why I quit were further away, but I really had to step up the support I had around that time. I know it's tempting to want to have 'moved on' by this point but to me, I know if I stopped thinking about drinking then I would be drinking! I am constantly having to challenge thoughts that come up which I believe if left would lead me back to drinking. Support from other alcoholics is so important in this. Whether that is AA, SR or SMART meeting, just anything where you can talk to other people in the same situation as you.

Glad you found us x

seanie1888

That's a brilliant read on PAWS Dee, cheer

tomsteve

i found the PAWS that dee posted a link to is real. i personally cant remember too good of early recovery, but i hear it in others in early recovery.

Sapling

That is a good read on PAWS...I liked the summary.

Summary

Freedom from physical distress allows psychological growth. When we feel good, it is easier to do the work we need to do, eliminate denial, guilt and anger, and move on to self-confidence, self-esteem and learning to feel good about ourselves.

Balanced living requires a strong social network that nurtures us and encourages a healthy, recovery-oriented lifestyle. This network provides a sense of belonging. It includes relationships in which we are a valuable part of a whole: immediate family members, friends, relatives, co-workers, counselors, therapists, employers, 12-step group members, and sponsors.

Recovery is not about quitting alcohol and drugs. It is about learning to live a life that does not require mood-altering chemicals to be worth living.

Caledonia1

Hi and welcome to SR, great support here. Good for you!!!

pianista

Thanks everyone! PAWS is such a relief to know about! I'm like textbook with that. That article answered all my worries. phew!
I'm setting up counseling this week.
Thank you thank you for all your support