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Old 09-22-2012, 05:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Off to a bad start


So, yesterday I celebrated my birthday. And I had a few drinks.

Evening started out at a rather formal dinner. I got a glass of wine to have something to toast with but didn't drink from it. I was fine for a pretty long time, but eventually got tired of seeing everyone else getting more and more glasses so I went and got me a shot of vodka.

I never did drink my wine (I'm not much of a wine guy), but I had a second shot a little while later and then I told the younger people that we should go for beers and I had a pint. Not the wildest night out ever, in fact I drank less than most others, but I hadn't intended to drink at all.

I didn't want more, but I have to admit that I could have killed for some weed. I really don't miss booze anymore - or even want it - when I'm by myself... but when I'm with friends - new or old - I want to party, drink and get stoned.

Isn't it normal to like to party when you're young? That being said, switching from beer to vodka and increasing my smoking don't seem like positive life changes... I'm really confused right now. I guess I could check out an AA meeting... Not sure I want to...

I'm sorry. I'll let you know which way I'll be going.
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`I don't much care where (I get to)--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Noone wants to be different, SG.

I spent 20 years trying to be someone who could take it or leave it, someone who could take a drink and not let the drink take him.

I was *never* that guy.

Some of us need to face the fact that we are fundamentally different, and embrace all that entails.

I'm glad I did - my life changed from that moment

D
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yeah, it seems like you have to make a choice to embrace recovery or not.

And, it's a hard choice because embracing recovery means stepping away from the partying friends, etc. Alcholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop. I hope you make the decision to live a sober life.
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It doesn't change when you get older. I'm 36 and ran into friends today at the mall who are 38 and 40. They were talking about parties they had this summer and playing beer pong in the pool all day and not remembering getting home. Then they asked us over tonight to grill and use the margarita machine they got. Trust me- it doesn't get easier the older you get- people still party as much.

I wanted to go over and drink. We ended up staying home- I didn't want to go and not drink and I didn't want to go and drink. It kind of sucked.
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Old 09-22-2012, 06:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
I guess I could check out an AA meeting...
This is funny, there's an AA meeting literally two blocks from me but it's in spanish...

Anyway, there's one tomorrow night that I could get to easily (and in english). I didn't have anything planned for tomorrow anyway so... I always said I'm willing to try anything once. Couldn't hurt to check it out.

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Originally Posted by Dee74
I was *never* that guy.
I understand that Dee, but I started drinking long before I started binge drinking, and even when I was at my worst I didn't binge every time I drank, so it's a bit hard for me to swallow it.

I'm also aware that, for someone who came close to death because of alcohol (I admit I checked your bio), this must sound like utter BS and I'm sorry about it.

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Originally Posted by aeo1313
It doesn't change when you get older.
I'm aware of the phenomenon of the aging partier. It's not what I want for myself, but I can't help but feel that I'd like to keep partying until I've got a career and family...
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`I don't much care where (I get to)--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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Old 09-22-2012, 06:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I get that you may not be able to identify at all where I ended up...but the fact is I was once where you are, SG.

Back in the beginning most of my drinking was parties and weekends...I was a hard drinker that was acceptable...the times I did go overboard were still within those societal parameters...it helped my 'circle' was pretty hard drinking' too.

I found my problem progressed - and as intelligent & astute as I was...I didn't realise it until it was too late.

D
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Old 09-22-2012, 07:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Someguy23 View Post
I'm really confused right now. I guess I could check out an AA meeting... Not sure I want to...
Whether you check out an AA meeting...Or whatever path you choose isn't really going to make a difference until you decide you are done drinking...Or not. Why did I drink for 35 years and lose everything I had and hurt everyone I loved doing it?.....I have no clue....I wasn't done yet. What's it going to take you? I found out unless I wanted to stop for good more than I wanted to drink....I was going to drink. And I paid dearly for it.
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Old 09-22-2012, 09:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
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"but I can't help but feel that I'd like to keep partying until I've got a career and family..."

Take it from an old partier, you may not get that good career and family if you hang on to the drinking lifestyle. The years fly by and next thing you know while you were out partying and having a good time, others have moved on and you're still sitting in the bar wondering what happened to all of your plans. Get out now, it's not too late.
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Getting back on track

All right, I've lost a battle but not the war. I'm not about to turn tail and run.

Yes, I like to party. It's almost scary how quickly and naturally I reverted to "let's go for beers"-mode. In retrospect, it's no wonder I was finding it easy to stay away from alcohol; it was because I'm cut off from my usual social circle and drinking alone was never more than a pale and sad imitation.

But I also remember just how much fun it was to have to text people to find out what had happened the night before... so I'm back on day 3 now.

The probability of more relapsing in the near future is very small. I have a lot of serious work to do at the moment and I don't drink when I have work to do. I play video games when I have work to do. I wish I was joking

In a week or two (hopefully), I'll have something to celebrate and the probability of relapse will become huge. I'll hang around here a lot then.

I've checked out an AA meeting last night. I felt a bit out of place, but it's probably because I don't know anyone there. I don't know if I'll join, but I will keep attending when I feel I need some support.

Have a good evening everyone
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`I don't much care where (I get to)--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sapling
Or whatever path you choose isn't really going to make a difference until you decide you are done drinking...
I don't know if I'm done drinking. That's the kind of thing that can only be proven on your deathbed.

What I do know is that, even after only a month of sobriety, my desire to drink had gone considerably less. I don't know what will happen in the far future, but I do believe that the time I spend sober is moving me forward.
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`I don't much care where (I get to)--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I don't know if I'm done drinking. That's the kind of thing that can only be proven on your deathbed.
I was pretty close to that when I accepted that I was done. I'll tell you something....I quit drinking when I was 51 and if I had stumbled on this site in my 30s I probably would have quit then. I didn't know anything about alcoholism....Being as progressive as it is.....Why I drank like I did....How bad it can get it's claws into you....But I knew I had a drinking problem when I was 20.
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:28 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I've checked out an AA meeting last night. I felt a bit out of place, but it's probably because I don't know anyone there. I don't know if I'll join, but I will keep attending when I feel I need some support.
You don't have to join...You walk in the door with a desire to stop drinking and you're a member. To me it made more sense to go to a lot of meetings early on and not when I felt I'd need it. It kept me from drinking anyway. As far as not knowing anybody goes...Imagine you move to a new city and you find the local bar.....You don't know anybody there...But after going there every night for awhile you know the whole place and even their kids names....It's kind of like that.
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
I don't know if I'm done drinking. That's the kind of thing that can only be proven on your deathbed.
It's a pithy thing to say but I think there's dozens of people here who'd argue with you - me included

I've lived sober now for a long time - not as long as the time I spent drinking, but long enough. I know which way is better...I don't need to pick which way I want to be on my deathbed...or which life I'd rather look back on.

Quote:
What I do know is that, even after only a month of sobriety, my desire to drink had gone considerably less.
be careful with that - I would take 'time off'...feel at peace with my decision...then decide that a drink would be ok....

I forgot - the reason why I was at peace was I wasn't drinking

D
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapling
I was pretty close to that (deathbed) when I accepted that I was done.
I'm sorry to hear it, Sapling. Needless to say that I'd prefer not to get there...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapling
Imagine you move to a new city and you find the local bar.....You don't know anybody there...But after going there every night for awhile you know the whole place and even their kids names....It's kind of like that.
I mostly went to bars with people I already knew (or to meet girls), but I get what you're saying. It's like any other social group, it just feels a bit weird when you're new, you know...

BTW, I've been meaning to tell you for awhile, the dog in your avatar is very cute.

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Originally Posted by Dee74
It's a pithy thing to say but I think there's dozens of people here who'd argue with you (about being done with alcohol being proven only when dead) - me included
The key word was proven Alright, I'll stop being a smartass.

Seriously though, when you quit, was there no ambivalence left whatsoever?
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`I don't much care where (I get to)--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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Old 09-24-2012, 06:08 PM   #15 (permalink)
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It's already been proven for me, SG...many times...

I'd make you a bet but it'd be hard for me to collect after I'm dead

Ambivalence? I was the King.

If you've read my story you'll know I nearly died....but you'll also know that I didn't come into this fully committed to sobriety. I had no confidence I could be a non drinker.

I can't say I never felt like a drink again...but I wanted to try another way....and I didn't take that drink.

I know what it's like to be an intelligent guy who's pretty much been able to do anything he can turn his hand to - and yet not be able to beat this.

There was a lot of pride involved for me...ironically I lost my career, I lost relationships, I lost self respect...and yet had my body not given in, I might have never stopped - and I'm sure I wouldn't be here to post today.

Early 40s is no age to die.

I'd really like to see you not ride the rapids down over the waterfall like I did SG - and if I'm a pain in the butt that's why...but in the end whatever you do is up to you

D
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Old 09-24-2012, 06:18 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Some guy,
Don't worry about the far future as in a year or two from now. Problem alcohol drinkers by any label always progress. Everybody's bottom is different. I hope you already reached yours. Congrats on your one month! Do lots of reading here and you will see what all of us learned here the easy way and the hard way. Your mileage may vary.
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Old 09-24-2012, 08:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
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SomeGuy, that was pretty funny about the video games lol

I don't think anyone quits and just stops missing drinking. It's more like you quit, may miss it, but choose health and life instead. There's also enough about drinking NOT to miss that helps you stay strong. Today I wanted to drink, and opted not to. Some days I haven't even thought about it. It comes and goes.

Glad you checked out a meeting. There are also sober meet ups in some places for social activities. You may be someone that can be around your friends and not drink-works for some, not for most. I've been able to do that, but guess what, I'm easily bored now when I'm around my drinking buddies.Finding new things to do will help your chances of success if you decide to quit for good.
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:25 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Someguy, you can decide you're done with drinking today.

It is a decision. A mindset. A choice. All of those things we can make ourself want, believe and accept. I'm 25 and yes, I'm young - yes, I'm 'missing out' on the parties, on the antics, on the 'good times' that all my friends have. But my friends now call me to do sober things now because they've had enough of the parties and the drinks... they arrange to do things to me and say 'it's so nice to do something like this, rather than go out,' etc.

I was done drinking when I decided I was done drinking. Nothing changed inside me that TOLD me I was done drinking... I didn't just wake up one morning and suddenly no longer want to get drunk any more. I DIDN'T want to get drunk any more, but that was something I convinced myself to believe. We are in control of our minds and our thought processes and we can absolutely decide or not decide at any moment whether we're done drinking. If you want sobriety and believe and accept that then it will not be a struggle.

Only you can decide whether you're done drinking or not... that's true... but you can decide it right at this very moment if you want sobriety.

Believe in yourself... we at SR believe in you.

Wishing you all the best.
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Old 09-25-2012, 04:28 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'd really like to see you not ride the rapids down over the waterfall like I did SG - and if I'm a pain in the butt that's why...
Thanks Dee! I would rather prefer to avoid a huge nosedive into the bottle too, obviously...

Don't worry about being a pain in the butt, primarily because you aren't. Besides, I would have stopped posting a long time ago if I didn't think that what I hear here is what I need to hear, whether I like it or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoFireWater
You may be someone that can be around your friends and not drink
I really hope so. I enjoy the bar atmosphere and meeting new people at parties.

However, there is a lesson to be learned here. I need to be a lot less cavalier about social situations, maybe stick to non-drinking and early evening occasions, at least for awhile. It might also be an idea to cut down on pot, even if I only do it socially.

To echo aeo's previous comment, if I feel I neither want to go and drink nor go and not drink, maybe I shouldn't go at all...

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoFireWater
SomeGuy, that was pretty funny about the video games lol
It's unfortunately true. The compromise I've found is that I do practically nothing during the day, binge on energy drinks at supper, work during the night and crash around 3-4 AM. Not the healthiest work routine, but at least I get some stuff done...
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`I don't much care where (I get to)--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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