How many friends can you honestly say are left since being sober? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-22-2012, 04:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
clight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 171

How many friends can you honestly say are left since being sober?


How many friends can you honestly say are left since being sober? For me out of so many meaning lets give a guesstimate....... 20 friends I spoke and hung out with when drinking of course. In the matter of a week of being sober I can honestly say I have 1 friend that of course drinks a drink once a week goes to church and is a true friend. Calls me daily and for the rest no calls, nothing since I told them that I stopped with the drinking have not heard from them. No family please just "so called friends."

Our family's will always be our best friends! =)
clight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to clight For This Useful Post:
driftapart (09-27-2012), mrsbrownie (09-22-2012), MsJax (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 04:53 AM   #2 (permalink)
That bell or bike person
 
mecanix's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,985
Blog Entries: 12
I think my drinking stole all my real friends years ago, my drinking was more important than their "boring sober lives" , all i was left with was a self pitty brigade of bar-flys who were suffering from various stages of bingeing alcoholic behaviour.

It took 15 years to loose it all to drink so i'm giving it 15 years before i worry too much over how much i gain with sobriety .

Bestwishes, M
__________________
Ups and downs still happen, it's how we deal with them that counts. gave up sept 2011
The cards of life won't break my hand, so let's pull on the freedom bell and ring.
mecanix is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to mecanix For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), JimJim (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), NoFireWater (09-27-2012), nonblondechef (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 108
I like your positive attitude. We can't change the past, only the future. To mecanix, with time and real change you may find that some of them return. Or, you will simply be better equipped to have more meaningful friendships. I have been fortunate not to have lost friends, but I am having to work with my wife, who is my best friend after all, to ensure that old binge patterns never arise again.

Don't fret it. You have some good friends around here who get it.

Thanks for the interesting question clight. Makes one wonder what a real friend really is?
Southerner is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Southerner For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:06 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 174
None of them!

Lost a drinking buddy! But then she is a worse alcoholic than me

So I was distancing myself from her anyways :rotfxko

(This was when she told me she had no food in the cupboards whatsoever, and the Cat hadn't been fed for days.. but she kept buying Wine!)
__________________
Quit date: 14/09/2012
Sugarfix is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Sugarfix For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), Southerner (09-22-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 141
I question if they were ever really friends at all. I think if I would have been in a major jam needing help, none of them would have been there.

I have a few that still occasionally speak to that ask how I'm doing and tell me they miss me.

Like you said, family is what matters most and those are the only ones who stick around through the hard times. I sometimes question if there is a real definition of "friend" after the struggles I went through...most people in my life slipped away when I did things to make myself happier and healthier.
Misguided is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Misguided For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), Southerner (09-22-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,070
I'm with ald, they weren't really my friends. I have about 3 out of 50 or 60 regulars at the bar I frequented that I still consider friends. I also consider that a pretty good batting average based on everyone else I talk to about this.
__________________
It is easier to practice total abstinence than perfect moderation
_______________________________________
Any quotes from the big book of AA are from the first edition, or are otherwise exempt from copyright infringement under the "fair use doctrine".
Taking5 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Taking5 For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), Southerner (09-22-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 7,918
Real friends? None. Drinking buddies? About 10!

But I've made a heap of new ones at AA and SR. And with them I can finally be myself. I feel cared for and supported in a way that is totally new to me. And I wouldn't be at almost 4 months sober without them xxx
__________________
Nicotine free since May 2013.
Alcohol free since February 1st, 2016.


Drinking will kill me. If I start thinking any differently, it's a lie.
Jeni26 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Jeni26 For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), NoFireWater (09-27-2012), nonblondechef (09-27-2012), Quinne (09-27-2012), Southerner (09-22-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 806
Never had friends or drinking buddies. I drank alone in isolation. Since quitting I've found a bunch of people who are becoming friends. That could never have happened had I continued drinking.
__________________
No longer feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20 - can you figure it out?
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Charon For This Useful Post:
Bgh2002 (09-27-2012), clight (09-22-2012), doggonecarl (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), NoFireWater (09-27-2012), nonblondechef (09-27-2012), YoungAndClean (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 05:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
bbthumper's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Old friends-2
New- hundreds
__________________
~BBThumper

~All Big Book Quotes from the 1st edition


A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.
C. S. Lewis
bbthumper is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to bbthumper For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), IndaMiricale (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), nonblondechef (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 06:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
My best friend is my wife. She's still here.
Didn't have too many others that weren't family somehow. However, those friend/family that were also drinking buddies are not so close now.
I am very much looking forward to finding new, real friends that do not revolve around drinking! Doing that with new neighbors as we recently relocated. Also meeting nice folks at church. Also contacting good old friends from college and before that I had neglected during my drinking years.
It is so refreshing to be around sober, truly caring people. Hope these new and rekindled relationships can last a lifetime!
Happier is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Happier For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), Misguided (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), NoFireWater (09-27-2012), Sowelu (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 07:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
Community Greeter
 
EternalQ's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
A few felt they had to choose alcohol over spending time with me. Although I would have been friends still, as long as we did things together.outside of hangin at bars, unfortunately they can't do that.

But I know the chains and shame of addiction well. Whether they say it or not, they feel their addiction has trapped them. They are happy for me, however, albeit shocked. I told them how I did it, about different books and methods and SR. That is all I can do. If they ever come to me and say they are quitting, I will be their biggest supporter.

In the meantime, we live seperate lives. I cannot jeopardize my sobriety by hangin with them around lots of drinking. And though they may not articulate this, hangin around me and not drinking jeopardizes their alcoholism.

My other friends & family who are social drinkers are totally with me. With them, there are lots of things to do together besides drink. And we do them!
EternalQ is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to EternalQ For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012), NoFireWater (09-27-2012), nonblondechef (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 07:42 AM   #12 (permalink)
Kza
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 206
Quote:
Originally Posted by clight View Post
How many friends can you honestly say are left since being sober? For me out of so many meaning lets give a guesstimate....... 20 friends I spoke and hung out with when drinking of course. In the matter of a week of being sober I can honestly say I have 1 friend that of course drinks a drink once a week goes to church and is a true friend. Calls me daily and for the rest no calls, nothing since I told them that I stopped with the drinking have not heard from them. No family please just "so called friends."

Our family's will always be our best friends! =)
That question is back to front.
Kza is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Kza For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 07:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,204
I have none now, and I didn't then, at least not in this state. Still have online friends.
SoberForMySon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SoberForMySon For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), mecanix (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 08:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,220
Blog Entries: 22
My wife. The only friend that matters.
doggonecarl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
clight (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-22-2012, 08:58 AM   #15 (permalink)
Powerless over Alcohol
 
IndaMiricale's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbthumper View Post
Old friends-2
New- hundreds
Ditto..
__________________
"The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay." Bob Dylan

"Each day,somewhere in the world ,recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic , sharing experience,strength and hope."
IndaMiricale is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to IndaMiricale For This Useful Post:
bbthumper (09-22-2012), clight (09-22-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-27-2012, 03:18 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 111
3. These are friends I've had since grade-school, though.

They've seen me in every state of drunk (and vice versa - but they all outgrew their alcoholism #jealous)

I can still hang with them no problem because they all dabble in pills or weed now, and those aren't my cup of tea.

So they don't care that I don't drink anymore.

Any friend I've made in the past 3 years, on the other hand, I haven't heard much from. And if they asked to hang out, I'd probably decline because they'll trigger the F*** out of me. They are just drinking buddies. Every occasion I remember with them involve being drunk, so.

^Not to say I don't care about them, I just care about my sobriety more.
driftapart is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to driftapart For This Useful Post:
clight (09-27-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-27-2012, 04:23 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 346
I'm incredibly fortunate that the only process for me thus far has been "shedding" unhealthy people (read: those who are a bit parasitic and constantly in some form of crisis, just the way I was through my active alcoholism). I don't miss many of them at all. Infact, I hardly even think about them. Whether or not they have had issues with alcohol is irrelevant to me-I kicked around with people just as sick as myself in some way, shape or form and I can no longer associate with people who will jeopardise my recovery. Having said that, I know I need to make amends to some of these people when I "get" to step 9.

When I see my highschool friends these days, they're thrilled that I look so well and it's great keeping their company.

My two closest friends are just amazing. One is also in AA, the other isn't. They have stuck by me through thick and thin and seen me in some pretty awful states. All of these people have hope in their own lives and I think they can start to see it in me

I've recently "adopted" a classmate as a big sister of sorts....she was in touch with me earlier in the year when I relapsed a couple of times and has kept encouraging me to stay active in AA. I actually apologised to her the other day for pratting her around and lying to her, but she was so forgiving. It's kinda fun in a way comparing our sober madness

I'm very lucky
Quinne is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Quinne For This Useful Post:
clight (09-27-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-27-2012, 04:33 AM   #18 (permalink)
New to Real Life
 
SSIL75's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I was a lone drinker for the most part. So sobriety has actually brought me friends. Or at least slid people from acquaintances to 'light' friends (like people I'd avoid if I saw them before b/c I was hungover.. I now embrace our chit chat when I meet them at the gym).
__________________
Sober since 8.23.2010
Learning a new way to live.
SSIL75 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SSIL75 For This Useful Post:
clight (09-27-2012), Needsassistance (09-27-2012), neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Old 09-27-2012, 07:42 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
StrictScrutiny's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 24
Drinking cost me three of my absolute best friends. The ones I have left have been ridiculously supportive.

I was/am your garden variety "drink alone at home" alcoholic. I didn't have bar friends. The closest thing I had was people I knew I could count on to tell me it was okay I was drinking at entire bottle of wine at home alone at 2 in the afternoon. I have yet to tell them I am done drinking, but I hope things turn out for the best.
__________________
"There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster. -- Dalai Lama XIV
StrictScrutiny is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to StrictScrutiny For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (09-27-2012), nonblondechef (09-27-2012)
Old 09-27-2012, 08:47 AM   #20 (permalink)
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
 
duane1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 776
I pretty much kept all my friends. I was honestly the biggest drinker that I knew. My neighbor who is a close friend quit when I did. At least he cut down and his drinking wasn't a problem like mine was.
I hid my drinking from most people and often drank alone. Yup, just like the George Thorogood song.
duane1 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to duane1 For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (09-27-2012)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:32 PM.