An introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: California
Posts: 18
An introduction
Hi! I want to introduce myself and share why I’m here.
I’m 44 and when I drink, I do so to excess. 20 years ago I got sober. I stayed that way for almost 10 years. Since that time I go back and forth with drinking and sobriety.
I need a place where I can be completely honest about who I am, how I drink, how I feel about my drinking, my fears, my goals, etc. I don’t have that right now. I did a bit of research and found this forum and I liked what people have to say and the way in which messages are conveyed. It feels like a safe place.
I consider myself an alcoholic. I also consider myself a success in life. I have a wonderful family, a home, a career, I’m very athletic, and generally, pretty happy. You know when I’m not happy? When I drink. It feels good at the moment and that little itch to consume a bit more takes over and my intention of having a “couple” turns into a compulsion ending in several couples. I pretty much know it will end this way when I pick up the first drink but I do it anyway.
This results in me feeling regret and remorse. My life doesn’t fall apart, I wake up slightly cloudy, sometimes hung over, but still have my good life. Maybe that is part of what makes quiting so hard for me, the fact that nothing appears to be on the line. But I don’t want it to progress to the point where I need to hit bottom in order to stop. I want to stop today, right now!
So, I’m putting myself out there. I need to say it to people. I needed to try something different in order to implement change.
Thanks! I look forward to future conversations. Feel free to give me some feedback or just say hi!
"I have found that none is easier than some." -C
I’m 44 and when I drink, I do so to excess. 20 years ago I got sober. I stayed that way for almost 10 years. Since that time I go back and forth with drinking and sobriety.
I need a place where I can be completely honest about who I am, how I drink, how I feel about my drinking, my fears, my goals, etc. I don’t have that right now. I did a bit of research and found this forum and I liked what people have to say and the way in which messages are conveyed. It feels like a safe place.
I consider myself an alcoholic. I also consider myself a success in life. I have a wonderful family, a home, a career, I’m very athletic, and generally, pretty happy. You know when I’m not happy? When I drink. It feels good at the moment and that little itch to consume a bit more takes over and my intention of having a “couple” turns into a compulsion ending in several couples. I pretty much know it will end this way when I pick up the first drink but I do it anyway.
This results in me feeling regret and remorse. My life doesn’t fall apart, I wake up slightly cloudy, sometimes hung over, but still have my good life. Maybe that is part of what makes quiting so hard for me, the fact that nothing appears to be on the line. But I don’t want it to progress to the point where I need to hit bottom in order to stop. I want to stop today, right now!
So, I’m putting myself out there. I need to say it to people. I needed to try something different in order to implement change.
Thanks! I look forward to future conversations. Feel free to give me some feedback or just say hi!
"I have found that none is easier than some." -C
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Dear bulkhead hello there,
I am sure lots of people can relate to your feelings.
Even though you can still function and enjoy your life, just wanting to stop is enough.
Good luck. You will get plenty of support here!
I am sure lots of people can relate to your feelings.
Even though you can still function and enjoy your life, just wanting to stop is enough.
Good luck. You will get plenty of support here!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3
bulkhead!
This is a good one. Can there be a real motivation to quit, when everything around seems normal. You are doing good financially, the family is at your side and you feel good about yourself. Just the drinking problem doing no visible harm.
This is a good one. Can there be a real motivation to quit, when everything around seems normal. You are doing good financially, the family is at your side and you feel good about yourself. Just the drinking problem doing no visible harm.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: California
Posts: 18
Exactly! I'm very skilled at fooling myself or pretending to fool myself. I feel like the genuine me when I don't drink. I like that person better. The interesting bit is that I also know that in part I drink to let my guard down and be more genuine. Hmmm... LOL
My motivation for today is to be that better me, the one who wakes up excited about the day, not regretting the night.
My motivation for today is to be that better me, the one who wakes up excited about the day, not regretting the night.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Water's Edge
Posts: 239
Welcome bulkhead. You sound like I did a few years ago, nothing really going wrong in my life except drinking to excess often. The quantity did increase, but so did my tolerance, so not much to notice. High blood pressure fixed with some medicine. Knee pain and swelling kind of slowed down my fitness routine. Little extra weight, skin all ruddy, but okay for my age. Anxiety increased a lot, confidence way down. Longer to start feeling like starting my day, losing productive time. All that became enough to try sobriety. 15 weeks later all the issues I mentioned are GONE. Pretty easy solution: I quit.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR bulkhead....Glad you are here....
Let's see....A wonderful family, a home, a career, very athletic, and generally, pretty happy.....
I bet you most of us on here could say that at one time.....I know I could at one time....And if it stayed that way....I don't think any of us would be here.
Food for thought.
Let's see....A wonderful family, a home, a career, very athletic, and generally, pretty happy.....
I bet you most of us on here could say that at one time.....I know I could at one time....And if it stayed that way....I don't think any of us would be here.
Food for thought.
You know when I’m not happy? When I drink. It feels good at the moment and that little itch to consume a bit more takes over and my intention of having a “couple” turns into a compulsion ending in several couples. I pretty much know it will end this way when I pick up the first drink but I do it anyway.
I'm glad you found us. Welcome to SR! This place is fantastic - there is so much advice, support and experience here and everyone is willing to share and help. You're right - it is a very safe place.
What is your plan?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: California
Posts: 18
Hmmm…. A plan. I am staying busy, staying connected, and not drinking today. I plan on going for a swim and a run later, taking my kids to the park, and enjoying some down time in the evening by reading these forums and writing in a blog. All things that have helped me in the past. The new part is the interacting with all of you and building an online support system. I do have some sober friends here and will be spending some more time with them as well.
Hmmm…. A plan. I am staying busy, staying connected, and not drinking today. I plan on going for a swim and a run later, taking my kids to the park, and enjoying some down time in the evening by reading these forums and writing in a blog. All things that have helped me in the past. The new part is the interacting with all of you and building an online support system. I do have some sober friends here and will be spending some more time with them as well.
You'll feel the benefits of sobriety in no time, bulkhead and there are so, so many of them!
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Hi Bulkhead. Welcome. I had a similar situation. Thankfully my wife finally did get tired of me over-indulging. Even if she hadn't, I knew that as my drinking increased, my health was quickly deteriorating. That's should have been scary enough but it is strange how that reality doesn't sink in while you are drinking. Why was I willing to sacrifice my health when things in my life were so good? Why give alcohol a foothold to potentially take it all away from me? Final straw was my wife's concern. I was not willing to let it screw up my good relationship with her.
Anyway, I am very glad to have quit and to be sober right now. I don't miss a thing about drinking and am still very grateful for all the new activities and productive time that sobriety has provided.
Wishing you the best. Glad you are here.
Anyway, I am very glad to have quit and to be sober right now. I don't miss a thing about drinking and am still very grateful for all the new activities and productive time that sobriety has provided.
Wishing you the best. Glad you are here.
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