silly

I told my partner I wanted to drive to dinner with friends tomorrow in a separate car so I could leave if/when friends wanted to hit some bars. I don't want to get stuck out until midnight being annoyed and bored.

She sent me a text, asked me not to get mad when she asked me a question and then basically asked why I couldn't have continued to moderate like I did for a few months a while back.

I guess she must be sick of having to make special plans for me or something.

Weasel1966

Silly.... Sorry to hear that. Not for nothing but if that was my partner I would either have a talk and really drive home the point or it might be a deal breaker.

I really hope she comes around to understand what you are going through.

My best to you.

suki44883

How is you driving your own car to dinner causing her to have to make special plans for you?

SoberForMySon

I am sorry. You are trying to do the right thing.

Vall

Hi silly,

don't feel bad - I am sure she didn't mean to make you feel like that.

Maybe you have to tell her again gently why you have to do this...

What time is it where you are and what is your weather like ;? Texas sounds very sunny and hot.

silly

I don't know. Maybe she doesn't like explaining to others. To me, what's to explain? Silly wants to go home! It's not like I'm leaving in the middle of dinner. I always stay a respectable time. Plus, most people know why I'm not sticking around. Made me feel like she feels I'm cramping her style, you know? Like if I could just drink normally like I used to things would be super.

silly

2:55 pm and the weather is sunny and 86 degrees F

I think you're right. She said she feels guilty when she stays out and I go home. I get that. But never once have I implied she should! Even when I was drinking I hated staying out late. I'm often glad I have an excuse :-)

silly

Thanks, I think she does understand that her question was... what? not fair? It's weird because when I've relapsed by myself and then she knows because I was drunk when she got home or because she found my hidden bottle, she freaks. I get that. So why ask why I can't resume normal drinking. It seems the answer is obvious. Does she think it would be "ok" as long as I'm with people and only have a few?

Weasel1966

Silly, I am quitting with my partner. I am not sure it's easier or harder when the spouse drinks as well... But either way sobriety is for us. No one else. No matter what they say or do.

Dee74

I'm sorry silly.

I found that my loved ones don't always understand - and that's ok - as long as they support my decision to stay sober.

D

silly

I can't force sobriety on anyone and especially not a non-alcoholic. I suppose we need to review the "rules" and my feelings, talk about her needs and expectations and find solid ground. Yes, I suppose it could lead to a deal breaker but after 3+ years I certainly can't walk away because of an oddly insensitive text.

Glad you and your partner are doing so well, Ken!

Anna

Yeah, Silly, as Dee said, most people don't understand how difficult it is for us and what we go through. Be true to yourself.

Liz45

Silly, I think maybe your partner misses drinking together, though you said she freaks out if she catches you relapsing. I don't understand, but I hope you two can work things out.