should I FB message her for help?
 

so would this be ok for me to do? i am 34 and finally about to start going to AA and get counseling for alcohol. my little sisters friend is on my fb friend list, and i noticed she made posts about her one year sobriety date recently.. (I got drunk with her a few times when we were younger) but we're not really close...I wanna message her just to chat about it and get support, but i am just hesitant cuz i don't know what i'm doing here or if that is even appropriate. Im just scared. Honestly, im currently drinking now, if i do it, should I wait till im sober? or just do it now? Thanks.

Hi Terry,

Firstly, welcome to SR :welcome

You will find a lot of support here. I would work on getting some support at some local meetings, at least wait until you are completely sober before you do anything like that. None of us know the situation as well as the sober you does. We have all done things that seemed perfectly logical while drinking only to wake up the next day with a strong case of "What did I do that for" etc.

Keep posting & sharing, you will find a lot of support here :ring

That being said, I am sure a "Congratulations" to her might be a nice thing to say.. that being said would that be the first time that you have connected with her or posted on her page in sometime? Hmmm going back to the wait until tomorrow idea, you will know best then.

Hi Terry

Because none of us know you or your friend, you're probably the best judge...it would depend on how well you know her for example.

I'm not a big fan of FB for important communication, but if you feel you need help and she's really your only option, then I guess all you can do is ask for advice.

I'd probably wait til I was sober, but if you feel you'll chicken out then...again, it's really your call.

I guess if you do, and she's uncomfortable with it, she might be able to suggest one of her male friends you can talk to :)

D

I would definitely do it....Send her a private message saying you want to quit...But quit first...Tell her you're on day one and you're interested in how she did it. My guess would be AA....And that you're thinking about AA yourself. Maybe you can hit some meetings together. I found out on facebook that two friends I drank with in school as a kid had 23 and 25 years in AA....I moved from there and drank all that time. I was telling them that I had a year.

Agree with Sapling.

I would do it too.
I think she is obviously proud of herself to post that on facebook and so she should be, she has done good.

Perhaps a like of her status, a 'go you' type comment, then like Sap says a private message saying that you are struggling slightly and you admire her efforts. Ask how she did it. Maybe meet for a coffee and she could share her story?

For me, in the world we live in with Facebook and twitter, that is usually filled with drunken bragging, for her to post this must show her strength of character and that she really believes in what she is doing.

Good luck!

xxxx

If someone messaged me on FB to talk about being sober and how I've done it etc, I would MORE than happily chat about it. I'm pretty sure most people here would, too.

I agree. If she posted it on facebook, she should expect that it's public information and that people my comment and such. I also would be more than happy to help someone who contacted me via fb. It's twelve step work.

Go for it! Like the wisened folks above me have said, betting dollars to donuts your request will be met with caring and support. Happy first day of sobriety - it's a way good thing!

My experience. I sent an old friend from high school a FB pm summer of 2011. He had quit drinking, after his marriage fell apart and he was in dire shape. He later unfriended me when I made it clear I was moderating. I'm considering sending him another message sometime this year, letting him know I'm done with all alcohol and have a record of sobriety. I know he will be happy for me:)

Well, here is what I think (since you asked for advice)

I think a succinct message providing information would be fine. Like "Congratualtions on one year. I am just getting started in my own recovery, and your success is an inspiration to me."

If she feels she wants to offer help or support, she can, or she can let it lie.

Sometimes we are not in a position to reach out too much to someone that we don't really know where they are in recovery. There are some people who can be overly needy or glom onto us and it would be bad for us. So I'd really leave it up to her and see how she responds, or doesn't respond.

Stick with your AA, and coming to SR, and working on your own recovery. You will find many people who are ready to give you the help and support you need.

I don't see any reason you couldn't send her a message but definitely NOT when drinking!
The worst that can happen is that she doesn't respond. But I agree with Dee and Sapling. Get sober first and message her on your Day 1. In the meantime, if you need help, perhaps find a safe way to get to an AA meeting.

Regardless of the specific FB friend I feel it has been very important for me to build an army of sober friends. People I can reach out to in times of trouble. There is nothing like talking to another alcoholic to strengthen my sobriety