Cam

Guys, I really appreciate your responses. the odd thing is I only respond here when I'm blitzed. I dont' understand why I don't come here when sober and post. I'm pretty bad now. On a Monday night, that makes it even sadder.

I can put off 2 days without going to the liquor store, but I still go to the convience store and get a couple beers, just to relieve the day. Obviously this isn't helping.

I bouth another 1.75L whiskey 96 proof on Firdy. I'm over half way thru and feel miserable. Actually at this time I don't, I feel amazing. However, I know in the morning I will wonder why did I do this again? Guys, I know you've already heard this befoere, but I'm a noob at this recovery. Being sh!tfiaced posting on this board probably is an oxymoron, but all I can do is just keep typing.

While my melting feel fades, I will hope that in the morning I will read this and feel that same I did a couple weeks ago. I nee dhelp, and I need to do something about it.

I'm really sorry I'm rambling ona nd saying the same crap that I've said before, but I need to find something else. I need to find something that doesn't make my vision double take, go up and own, in an odd feeling that makes me feel sick. I have to sotp this. Yet, everytime I post here, I read it and understand I have to stop. I have mixed emotions and cry.... blah blah blah.

You've all be here I know fore certain. I just have to make that next step of just going thru the withdrawl time. I have to smply take it. I may never sleep for a month straight, but at least I know my body is somewhat better without it.

I'm sorry guys, I feel like such a baffoon, loser, whateve ryou want to call it. I think I better stop now. thanks.

MIRecovery

Alcohol is a depressant and you are depressed, funny how that works. A wonderful and happy Life exists without booze as many here can attest.

There is a way to not drink all you need is the desire and the help of others.

Dee74

Hi Cam

Posting drunk is better than not posting at all...but I'm not sure it gets you anywhere, y'know?

Visit us on the other days too - start the ball rolling...

big step I know...but if you want change in your life you need to make changes...

D

IndaMiricale

Write a post it note "Things to do go to SR sober and write a post"

Give it a shot

artsoul

I remember being at the same place you're at..... I was pretty miserable repeating the same thing over and over and knew intellectually that I needed to quit (I came here while drinking, too). I couldn't imagine a life without alcohol.

Just thinking about getting sober was terrifying. I wanted to believe my life could better sober, like so many here have described, but I just couldn't see it. Once I finally got miserable enough to take a leap of faith into sobriety, I realized little by little that what they were saying was true. Life IS better. I'm so much happier today.

You can't think yourself into sobriety - you can't really imagine it either. You just have to do it. Then, and only then, you'll see how much better your life can be.

Cam

No doubt guys. I hope that tomorrow at lets say 5pm, I post here sober and not a drop after. That is my goal now. the only thing enticing me is that half bottle of whiskey sitting there. Sorry, but it's not going down the drain because my brain/addiction and well, that money spent will keep me from doing so. Sad isn't it?

misterritter

I am new at this recovery thing and my excuse for drinking for years was that I couldn't sleep without drinking. I believed it and told it to everyone, but since I've decided to quit, and its only been 5 days, I have been sleeping fine. Takes me a little while to fall asleep but then all is fine. A week or two ago, when i would 'only' have 4 or 5 beers, I would have miserable sleep as opposed to the half a bottle of whiskey or multiple bottle of wine days/nights when I would pass out and 'sleep' fine.

I am totally surprised by being able to sleep, maybe you will be too, but only one way to find out......

The doctor visit seems to be good advice though.

laurie6781

Cam, please google 'detox in City and state,

Find some local detoxes and call one or more of them and find out when they
would have a bed for you.

Based on what you have posted about previous times of trying to detox I
would SERIOUSLY SUGGEST that you NOT try and detox alone. Detox can
be deadly. It is always best to detox with someone with you or in a detox.

Please think about it, please.

love and hugs,

Dee74

It is sad, but I did it too - I put my...I don't remember how much it was - say, $40-50 outlay on booze ahead of my own well being. and what I knew was right for me to do.

It seems insane to me, now - which I think is the healthy reaction, Cam.

D

Cam

Wow. It's been over a year since I first posted. I can't believe it.... nothing has changed.... well sort of.

Over this year, I have quit my job, sold my car, got rid of every single possible expense which includes cable and started my own business in June. Well, I'm still a drunk. That hasn't changed.

Somehow, I have had decent success despite my deep dark secret. I have been able to run this business because of the close to 70 hours a week. yet, every single day, I hit the bottle. Luckily, it hasn't been as hard as months prior. I think the only reason is I can't afford it. A $20 1.75l bottle of vodka HAS TO last me 5 days. Well, maybe it's less then that because I hit up the convenience store a handful times a week.

Having your own business has perks. Yes, you are completely broke, but you have freedom. That freedom has the potential to spell disaster in an alcoholics life.

I've had days where I wonder "What the hell did I do? Why did I quit a steady job?" Those thoughts get in your head and that accelerates the urge to hit the bottle even harder. We are talking lunch breaks. It's a blessing that I can walk to my house from my shop but it's also evil. The 4 minute walks, I can down 3-4 shots at lunch before I go back to work. This has had a bearing on my motivation. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

So, here I am posting hear about 5 months into my "new life". Yet, I still drink the liquid evil. I have spent 5 hours tonight looking at possible ways to completely change my diet. This means going completely healthy.... to the extreme. Cutting out all the fatty foods and every single drop of alcohol out of my life. I'm looking to ease into a raw/cooked fruit & vegetable hybrid diet. This of course can lead to many issues.

This will be very hard. I have read of the horrible withdrawals. My concern is doing this all at the same time. Not only do I have the alcohol withdrawal effects to deal with, but the food toxin withdrawal effects. It's soo frustrating to think about. You want to better yourself and become healthy and successful, but there are so many obstacles in the way. it's so overwhelming.

Luckily, I have finished of (hopefully) my last bottle of vodka 20 mins ago. Please understand I will NEVER see a doctor, so that is out of the question. I want to do this completely by myself. I want to overcome every single obstacle..... so hopefully this post start a begging of a new life............

Thank you for enduring my "new" rant.

Dee74

Welcome back

Alcohol detox can sometimes be pretty rough - adding a food detox too is pretty ambitious.

maybe it's best to run this by a Dr, Cam? and I say that not to annoy you but because it really is the responsible thing to do.

I wish I had.

D

ScottFromWI

Part of getting better is accepting that you need help Cam. And that might mean doing things you never planned or wanted to do. And many times the obstacle is ourselves....and that we can only overcome with help from others.