when drinking is the only thing that stops the pain
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 6
when drinking is the only thing that stops the pain
my dad passed away 10 months ago and my drinking has become out of control. i quit for 4 days and thats all i could handle. i cant stand it anymore. im tired of feeling sick and even worse guilty all the time . i feel like my life is out of control ,i drink even when i dont feel like it now and my family is starting to notice the problem.i know i have a problem and i want to change so bad . please tell me how to get thru the first week or two.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I highly reccomend a medical detox, usually 4-7 days. Go to your Dr. and be 100% honest about how much and how often you have been drinking. Also come clean on any drug use, be it legal, illegal, prescription or OTC.
Alcohol detox can kill you. Your Dr. will take your vital signs and probably some blood and urine samples and craft a good detox program for you. This will typically include high BP meds and anti-seizure meds at a minimum.
I did 4 days in the hospital. It probably saved my life.
Follow this up by a recovery program. Rehab, AA, therapists, etc. - whatever you need to do. This website is a good source of help for many. You can do this, just give it a try.
Alcohol detox can kill you. Your Dr. will take your vital signs and probably some blood and urine samples and craft a good detox program for you. This will typically include high BP meds and anti-seizure meds at a minimum.
I did 4 days in the hospital. It probably saved my life.
Follow this up by a recovery program. Rehab, AA, therapists, etc. - whatever you need to do. This website is a good source of help for many. You can do this, just give it a try.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Dear wonderwhy,
I am sorry to hear about your Dad...I can very much identify with you as I lost my lovely Dad this June...
I also noticed I was drinking more than usual for a while. Then I found SR and the advice and support I have had on here has been incredible.
I am sure you will get plenty of help here too. This may sound naff but one of the things that I try and tell myself is that my Dad would not have wanted me to be so down and lost and certainly wouldn't have wanted me to drink more. I am helping myself in his memory too :>
Take care
I am sorry to hear about your Dad...I can very much identify with you as I lost my lovely Dad this June...
I also noticed I was drinking more than usual for a while. Then I found SR and the advice and support I have had on here has been incredible.
I am sure you will get plenty of help here too. This may sound naff but one of the things that I try and tell myself is that my Dad would not have wanted me to be so down and lost and certainly wouldn't have wanted me to drink more. I am helping myself in his memory too :>
Take care
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi and welcome wonderwhy 
Grief is hard - but we're meant to feel sad, come to terms with our loss, and find some measure of peace...
pouring alcohol on it is no solution.
Alcohol stalls us...it's like spinning our wheels...we deal with nothing, the pain remains, and often we find we need alcohol more and more to try and cope with the returning pain.
There are other better ways to deal with grief - have you considered grief counselling for example?
D
Grief is hard - but we're meant to feel sad, come to terms with our loss, and find some measure of peace...
pouring alcohol on it is no solution.
Alcohol stalls us...it's like spinning our wheels...we deal with nothing, the pain remains, and often we find we need alcohol more and more to try and cope with the returning pain.
There are other better ways to deal with grief - have you considered grief counselling for example?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I might also add we have a grief and loss forum here at SR. You may find some good support there as well.
Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 108
As are the others, I am sorry to hear about your loss. However, I think the way you are living is not quite real living. I know because in part I have been there. Take a look around you and try to see how many people around you are grieving for you in much the same way. However, you have the power to turn their grief--and yours--to joy. You have already admitted as such in your plea.
Obviously, seeing a doctor would be the place to start. S/he will tell you whether you need a formal program or not. The first few weeks, I will tell you, are not the most fun. You have to steel yourself mentally and physically, because your body, in trying to reclaim health, is going to drive you nuts (and perhaps back to that stuff). You will shiver, shake, sweat, obsess, get angry, want to cry, sweat, shake, shiver, etc. That's just the truth. You will want to go back to it, because momentarily it might take some of that away. It does not last for long, please trust me on that, and it only pushes you a little bit further down.
If you can, take a week off. Surround yourself with comforts that used to make you happy. Make an appointment, if you can, to see a therapist. If you are inclined, go to an AA or other group meeting. At all costs, try to put nourishing food in your body, resist all temptation to alleviate the pain with that stuff, and know that by week 2, if you can make it, you will not feel the way you feel now.
You can post every hour here if you need encouragement to get through those first few weeks. I cannot tell you what a few weeks sober--and then a few months--feels like. I can only encourage you to try it for yourself.
Again, licensed professionals first before you take any of my advice!
Obviously, seeing a doctor would be the place to start. S/he will tell you whether you need a formal program or not. The first few weeks, I will tell you, are not the most fun. You have to steel yourself mentally and physically, because your body, in trying to reclaim health, is going to drive you nuts (and perhaps back to that stuff). You will shiver, shake, sweat, obsess, get angry, want to cry, sweat, shake, shiver, etc. That's just the truth. You will want to go back to it, because momentarily it might take some of that away. It does not last for long, please trust me on that, and it only pushes you a little bit further down.
If you can, take a week off. Surround yourself with comforts that used to make you happy. Make an appointment, if you can, to see a therapist. If you are inclined, go to an AA or other group meeting. At all costs, try to put nourishing food in your body, resist all temptation to alleviate the pain with that stuff, and know that by week 2, if you can make it, you will not feel the way you feel now.
You can post every hour here if you need encouragement to get through those first few weeks. I cannot tell you what a few weeks sober--and then a few months--feels like. I can only encourage you to try it for yourself.
Again, licensed professionals first before you take any of my advice!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 6
Thank you all for the kind and helpful words. I have been in counseling for a long time now, but to be honest , I have never told my counselor about my alcohol problem. I feel an enormous amount of shame for my drinking. Today is going to be day 1 for me. As far as withdrawl i think I should be fine since when i stopped for 4 days it wasnt to bad. I dont drink everyday , maybe 5 days out of the week and i consume 8 - 12 shots of hard liquor each time.I have to do this. I want to live a sober life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 108
You should not feel shame for your drinking. Now that you are being open about it, try being open to your counselor. That person can help you with this too.
Shame is the way that you get tricked back into trying to suppress all the stresses and burdens of life with that stuff. By feeling bad or shameful, you start to believe you don't deserve anything better in life. Subconsciously, you know that another drink will confirm the shame, and then the shame leads to yet another drink. It puts you on the treadmill like a hamster, and you get nowhere. Do yourself a favor and give yourself two weeks shame- or guilt-free. When a thought of that comes, just acknowledge it and then say to yourself, no, I am giving myself n-number of weeks guilt-free. Break the vicious cycle, get a few weeks down the road, and then assess whether you should really feel bad about your drinking. My suspicion is that you will be in a better mindset to determine your next steps.
Shame is the way that you get tricked back into trying to suppress all the stresses and burdens of life with that stuff. By feeling bad or shameful, you start to believe you don't deserve anything better in life. Subconsciously, you know that another drink will confirm the shame, and then the shame leads to yet another drink. It puts you on the treadmill like a hamster, and you get nowhere. Do yourself a favor and give yourself two weeks shame- or guilt-free. When a thought of that comes, just acknowledge it and then say to yourself, no, I am giving myself n-number of weeks guilt-free. Break the vicious cycle, get a few weeks down the road, and then assess whether you should really feel bad about your drinking. My suspicion is that you will be in a better mindset to determine your next steps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You know wonderwhy.....I took drinking about as far as you can take it....I was basically just wondering when it would kill me. The most important thing I had to do to get alcohol out of my life....Bar none....Was get honest with myself.....Then I could get honest with the people around me and reach out for the help I so desperately needed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Sorry to hear about your loss. Here is a site with lots of resources for those who are Grieving a loved ones passing. I hope that you find the comfort and help that you need.
Also I am not sure what area you are located in but I would suggest seeing a specialist, (A Psychologist or Psychiatrist) in there office, someone who you are comfortable enough with to share your struggles with Alcohol. It sounds like you are suffering tremendously, there is help out there. I know from experience, it has helped me.
If finances are a problem, I would recommend contacting a local accredited State or Private University with a Psychology or Psychiatry program, (Ask for the Chair of the Psychiatry or Psychology department, explain what you are looking for) they usually offer low to no cost treatment services.
Also there are lots of Grief support groups that are very helpful as well. Know that you are not alone and there are many people that are hoping and praying that you find the comfort you need to get through this terrible loss.
Try calling "Our House" Grief Support line for information and resources:
888.417.1444
Also check out
Bereavement Resources and Services | Patient Education | UCSF Medical Center
and
Counseling for Loss and Life Changes
Also I am not sure what area you are located in but I would suggest seeing a specialist, (A Psychologist or Psychiatrist) in there office, someone who you are comfortable enough with to share your struggles with Alcohol. It sounds like you are suffering tremendously, there is help out there. I know from experience, it has helped me.
If finances are a problem, I would recommend contacting a local accredited State or Private University with a Psychology or Psychiatry program, (Ask for the Chair of the Psychiatry or Psychology department, explain what you are looking for) they usually offer low to no cost treatment services.
Also there are lots of Grief support groups that are very helpful as well. Know that you are not alone and there are many people that are hoping and praying that you find the comfort you need to get through this terrible loss.
Try calling "Our House" Grief Support line for information and resources:
888.417.1444
Also check out
Bereavement Resources and Services | Patient Education | UCSF Medical Center
and
Counseling for Loss and Life Changes
National Bereavement Resources
About.com
Offers links to various topics related to loss and grief. Also offers practical suggestions to help you navigate the days and months following the loss of a loved one.
Caring Connections, (800) 658-8898
A program of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, Caring Connections is a national consumer engagement initiative to improve care at the end of life. It offers lots of information and support about grief and loss. The program can provide you with information regarding support groups in your area.
Centering Corporation, (866) 218-0101
A non-profit organization dedicated to providing education and resources for both professionals and the families they serve. Provides books, magazines and workshops on grief and loss for caregivers and families.
The Dougy Center, (866) 775-5683
Provides grief support resources specifically for grieving children, teens and their families. Offers an excellent selection of relevant books, brochures and suggested activities, as well as connections to nationwide centers offering grief counseling and related services.
Hospice Foundation of America, (800) 854-3402
Helps those who cope personally and professionally with terminal illness, death and the process of grief and bereavement.
About.com
Offers links to various topics related to loss and grief. Also offers practical suggestions to help you navigate the days and months following the loss of a loved one.
Caring Connections, (800) 658-8898
A program of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, Caring Connections is a national consumer engagement initiative to improve care at the end of life. It offers lots of information and support about grief and loss. The program can provide you with information regarding support groups in your area.
Centering Corporation, (866) 218-0101
A non-profit organization dedicated to providing education and resources for both professionals and the families they serve. Provides books, magazines and workshops on grief and loss for caregivers and families.
The Dougy Center, (866) 775-5683
Provides grief support resources specifically for grieving children, teens and their families. Offers an excellent selection of relevant books, brochures and suggested activities, as well as connections to nationwide centers offering grief counseling and related services.
Hospice Foundation of America, (800) 854-3402
Helps those who cope personally and professionally with terminal illness, death and the process of grief and bereavement.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Drinking doesn't stop the pain. It may hide it, mask it, dull it or block it, but it doesn't stop it.
Time, honesty, tears, allowing ourselves to feel, allowing ourselves to participate in life...that is what heals the pain. There will always be times when some sadness will surface over the loss. That's normal.
If we stay in a constant battle trying to keep the feelings from EVER surfacing out of some fear that they will kill us, well, it's not the feelings that harm us, it's the struggle to NOT feel that harms us.
We can injure ourselves shadow boxing.
Sometimes we benefit from help in addressing the feelings of grief (and there are a lot of feelings that fall under than category). like support groups, counseling, books, talking with appropriate friend and family members. Drinking/drugging/ etc are not truly supportive ways.
Time, honesty, tears, allowing ourselves to feel, allowing ourselves to participate in life...that is what heals the pain. There will always be times when some sadness will surface over the loss. That's normal.
If we stay in a constant battle trying to keep the feelings from EVER surfacing out of some fear that they will kill us, well, it's not the feelings that harm us, it's the struggle to NOT feel that harms us.
We can injure ourselves shadow boxing.
Sometimes we benefit from help in addressing the feelings of grief (and there are a lot of feelings that fall under than category). like support groups, counseling, books, talking with appropriate friend and family members. Drinking/drugging/ etc are not truly supportive ways.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
The loss of a loved one, whether a parant,
friend, pet, plant, yep, even a pretty plant
can release all sort of emotions. Many of
us don't have the right tools and knowledge
or just not taught how to show emotions
if something or someone dies.
We hear how men dont cry because they
are taught to be tough and strong or it's
not manly to cry or be a wus, sissy.
To me, imo, is not right. Showing emotions
from anyone on anything is just being human.
I, like many used a controlled substance to
to help numb or not feel normal, natural emotions.
Alcohol seemed at the time to be the easier
way when instead it was causing more harm
than good.
For the past 22 yrs. I have been using the proper
tools and knowledge Ive learned about my alcholism
and have incorperated it in all my affairs. using
it for all my emotions.
I have lost pets, plants but not a close family member.
So, Im not sure how my emotions will come out
when that time comes. I hope I dont drink, and
may not as long as I stay close to my recovery
program and apply the tools and knowledge of
what ive learned over the yrs. to get me thru that
situation in my life and is a much healthier way to
go about it.
It can be for you too.
friend, pet, plant, yep, even a pretty plant
can release all sort of emotions. Many of
us don't have the right tools and knowledge
or just not taught how to show emotions
if something or someone dies.
We hear how men dont cry because they
are taught to be tough and strong or it's
not manly to cry or be a wus, sissy.
To me, imo, is not right. Showing emotions
from anyone on anything is just being human.
I, like many used a controlled substance to
to help numb or not feel normal, natural emotions.
Alcohol seemed at the time to be the easier
way when instead it was causing more harm
than good.
For the past 22 yrs. I have been using the proper
tools and knowledge Ive learned about my alcholism
and have incorperated it in all my affairs. using
it for all my emotions.
I have lost pets, plants but not a close family member.
So, Im not sure how my emotions will come out
when that time comes. I hope I dont drink, and
may not as long as I stay close to my recovery
program and apply the tools and knowledge of
what ive learned over the yrs. to get me thru that
situation in my life and is a much healthier way to
go about it.
It can be for you too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 6
This forum has been great help and today will be day 2 without drinking. I have to say that yes my drinking has become much worse since i lost my dad who was my best friend , but even before that i was never a normal drinker i never knew when enough was enough. I know drinking doesnt make the pain any better or go away ,if anything it makes it worse. I dont even know how many times i have been drunk out of my mind looking at his pictures listening to his favorite music and crying like a baby. I have much more contol when not drinking. He has probably been looking down at me and wondering why i am doing this to myself. I am determined to change and i have to say waking up without a hangover is an awesome feeling!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Good for you and I can relate to your loss so much.
It's so easy to just pick up a drink and then another and so on but we are not dealing with our loss if we go that route.
It's painful.
I'm going through it too, death is so permanent.
I do know that our loved ones would want us to continue on.
Your father might not be here, but his spirit always will always be with you.
And he wants the best for you.
It's so easy to just pick up a drink and then another and so on but we are not dealing with our loss if we go that route.
It's painful.
I'm going through it too, death is so permanent.
I do know that our loved ones would want us to continue on.
Your father might not be here, but his spirit always will always be with you.
And he wants the best for you.
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