im ready
 

I'm done walking around thinking the world is out to get me. Being self absorbed and abusive and manipulative. I'm trying to truely give myself to god for the first time. I got down and prayed today for the first time I meant it. Not just the kind of praying where you are just hoping maybe possibly something is listening, I prayed hard and gave everything up. All I hold on to. I am defeated. I said take this please and help me because I cant. I cried. I begged. I just all around surrendered. I humbled. I'm a broken man. Then all of the sudden I had two ants crawling on me. I don't have insects in my house. I felt like it was locusts in the bible. Like I was either about to be punished or perhaps god was about to go to war with the evil inside me. I could live with either. I'm hoping I have more answers tomorrow. Thanks.

I can relate I was that man also..

I hope you call your local AA chapter and find the next meeting.. :)

Well done. Day 2 for you now :)

Sugarfix. I think that getting to that place is helpful. Surrender leads to a willingness to tolerate discomfort and to work towards change.

I hope things will improve for you

This is how I ended up in AA....You might want to give it a try.