las75

Hi. I just joined this group. In my heart i know there is an issue (especially when i try to function with a hangover) but seem to get right back to it once I'm feeling better. Letting lots of important things go by the wayside in my life as a result. Having trouble convincing myself that it has to be 'zero alcohol ' in order to get better. Thoughts?

PippoRossi

Well, you just described me, las75. Or should I say the FORMER me? I'm 29 days sober and, believe me, it has been well worth it. I once went 9 months without drinking and foolishly thought I was "all better" and could just have a drink every now and then. Well, that didn't work out too well. I started drinking even more than I had before and began experiencing blackouts nearly every evening. Not good at all. You obviously have been thinking that you MAY have an issue with alcohol. For me, that sort of thinking was a pretty good indiciator that I DID have a problem with alcohol.

silly

What you're going through is really difficult. Admitting and accepting is hard! Coming here to SR is a good step. Definitely check out different recovery programs: AA, SMART, Rational Recovery, etc.
It's often suggested that if you're not sure if you have a problem, try giving up alcohol for 1 month or 6 weeks or some established period of time. After that period, if you've been able to abstain, you'll be more able to decide how to move forward.

Good luck and welcome!

Southerner

The thought of going till Day Last without one more sip of delicious red wine with a steak always led me back to it. Just ask yourself--is it always just a sip, or just a side dish? For me, when I truly just answered the question in the privacy of my own thoughts (and that which knows my deepest thoughts), I had to say it was never the side dish. It was the main course. Heck, it was the only course, and when the dish started looking empty I got frantic.

The fact that you even had the courage to write the question means you already know the answer. That is my opinion, at least, though I am not licensed to practice in my state...

drunkyjules

It is hard to accept. I think most people on the forum will agree. It is a sneaky disease....the one that will tell you that you aren't really sick. Been there, done that.

I can say for myself, sometimes I have been feeling so good, its hard to believe I have a problem at all! Then there are the other times....where it is so obvious, so sick. The disease will tell you that you aren't sick......the big lie our alcoholic brains tell us!

Know that you are not alone and that you have alot of support here. Keep posting. You can change your behavior. You are aware of the porblem and that is one HUGE step!!!

clearhead44

Yeah it's the steak that makes you do it :P seriously tho I think I can safely say that we are or have been going to hell and back it's an addiction that takes over our whole lives, I had a great day! (buy alcohol), I had a bad day poor me (buy alcohol) I thought I was lucky changing whisky for wine but it doesnt matter what you drink the pain inside never stops, the guilt trips, feeling inadequate, mood swings all of it after all the crap you've done, how many times you try hiding it people know I'm on day 2 again and counting for the sake of my family this time the wayside of your life might and still can be your release, im not religious but I am praying for myself right now and all of you too, it's hard it's gonna be crappy but millions have done it good luck to us all xx

las75

You guys are great! Thanks for the quick and very helpful posts. They actually brought tears to my eyes (and.here i go again...) because its great to be able to talk to people in the same boat. There are so many signs saying I need to quit NOW. Let's see... Projectile vomiting red wine all over the bathroom, throwing up out the car window with the kids in the back seats (discusting!) Regularly thinking "i dont want someone else to raise my kids", skipping work cause I'm hungover and depressed, not finding the motivation to train for my next half Marathon which i normally love. The list goes on and on!

las75

Clearhead44 you're spot on. I image your words with a very cool British accent too! Ha ha! Gotta have a sence of humor about it i guess. Its gonna SUCK but i know we can do it! Today WILL be my "day 1" of sobriety. My life and family are far too amazing to miss out on anything. Thank you all and best wishes!

Needsassistance

Sorry to hear your struggles las, I've certainly been there. While I wrestled with myself for a few years as to whether or not I was a alcoholic, this sneaky disease progressively got worse on me. my binge drinking episodes got more and more messy and much more complicated to cleanup. Finally the bottom was hit and I gave in and realized I couldnt control it and got some help. 60 days sober today and feeling great! Only you can define this and take action, but based on my experiences you have symptoms...

duane1

I struggled with admitting it till my liver started to hurt. Sometimes your body will admit it for you.

bloss

Just take it one day at a time. Best wishes, glad you are here.

Sasha4

My thoughts from my experience

1, Not looking too far to the future helps. One day at a time or just for today, even if your not an AA person helped me.

2, I don't like labels. I don't like admitting to being something that has a stigma attached But I know that alcohol makes me/made me incredibly unhappy. And that was enough for me. If I was not thinking of stopping then I was thinking of when I could drink. If I was not crying over what I had done, I was having a few to stop my mind racing. I woke up feeling sick and tired and yet by 4pm I was relieved that drinking time started again soon.

3, Progress not perfection.

4, Giving up drink is not a punishment. It's a better way to live.

Wishing you the best xxxx

Southerner

Several striking things about this post. First of all, projectile vomiting red wine. Been there, tried to get THAT out of the bathroom grout. Not fun. You recognize the "benefits" it gives you. Hmmm. So much for that portion of the ledger.

So what's the other side like? Kids, half marathons (which you love), a life without projectile vomiting, keeping down the lovely meal you spent $50 and waking up ready to run again. This side of the ledger is starting to look much heavier (in a good way!).

You make a compelling argument for kicking that stuff to the curb for good...

las75

Awesome Southerner, thank you!

Sobersunshine

Welcome! You can join the September class of newcomers who are trying to get sober this month. Look for the class of september thread in the newcomers section.

Dee74

Welcome las

being on SR daily really tipped the balance for me...I kjept seeing myself in a lot of other posts...and I kept seeing the kind of person I wanted to be in the posts from people with recovery.

It all made it a lot harder to have that 'I don't really have a problem do I/a couple of beers will be ok' conversation in my head

D

Newwizard

Hey las,

My first time on here... I've found over the past 5 weeks the biggest thing that makes me feel good is the point at which I manage to walk past booze in a shop etc. I guess you'll find a similar 'I did it' trigger!

From what I've read everyone on here is helpful and it feels like a good place to check in when you feel the urge... There'll always be someone online and the stories are inspirational.

You sound like you've figured that out anyway!

Hope it's going well...

Newwizard

pipparina

I think, until you truly believe you are powerless over alcohol, and realize taking that first drink shuts off your ability to control it, you will have a tough time.

Many of tried controlled drinking before stopping. I certainly did. Trust me, it doesn't work. I never knew if I'd only have one or go off to the races with little memory of the night

tomsteve

las, i can relate to some of what ya type. there were times throughout my drinking time that i knew, i actually knew in my heart that alcohol was a problem in my life. then i would pick up a case of beer and try to drink that thought away. what it really did was cause more and more problems as i sank deeper into alcoholism.
i can recall a time when i said to myself," i know im an alcoholic, but why cant i stop drinking?" welp, it was because i had no idea what it meant to be an alcoholic.
then came my last drunk to date. it wa the morning after that everything sunk in. i was still drunk from the night before, was told what i had done and said the night before( which i didnt remember), then booted out by my then fiance.
as i was drying up that day, the terror and bewilderment got xtremely bad, but i had [B]finally[B] gotten it from my head to my heart, admitted and accepted that alcohol was the problem.
it took 23 ish years of drinkin to get to the point of admitting and accepting, but once i fully conceded that alcohol was the problem, i was able to look for a solution.

Hevyn

I was like that for many years. I caused myself so much needless grief because I was too afraid to let go. I finally admitted I no longer had fun when I drank. It always led to misery and despair the next day. In the end, I had health and legal issues because my life became chaos. I look back now and don't understand why it was so hard to say no more, never again. So many years were wasted while I tried to manage the amounts I drank. It never worked once.

Glad you are talking about this with us, las.