feeling alone and scared
 

Hi everyone,
Day 4...I actually decided to quit drinking 9/4/12 but relapsed last Friday. When I relapse I go big, unfortunately. My boyfriend and I were friends for many years before we became "involved" this past June. Now we live together and he is just finding out I have a drinking problem. I don't believe he has ever had to "deal" with an alcoholic before. I myself grew up in an alcoholic environment for years.

When I drank last Friday, I lost my phone and didn't have a sober person to drive me home. I made it home Sat. after bf had went to work. I know he is very upset with me and understandably so. Sunday evening when he came home from work he yelled for about 2 mins. then said he didn't want o talk about it right now. Well, this is Tuesday and he still isn't really talking to me. I'm afraid our relationship might not make it through my recovery especially if he doesn't understand how much of a struggle this is for me. Bf is a wonderful man and would do anything for anyone and I don't want to lose him. Now I feel so much guilt and shame.

I also want to add, I have never been so serious and determined to quit drinking before. Please share if you have any advise, and can use all your prayers! Thanks! :cries3:

If your serious please check out a meeting TODAY :)

And if you bf is this woderful person that would do anything for anyone, dont worry he support you when he see the effort, not the words..


When I relapsed I would go big also I would be gone for days..

You can be free. :)

Dear Lynn1004,

Try not to worry too much. I am sure he has known/knows people in his life that have had too much to drink before, and he knows that was not the "real you".

If he has never encountered alcohol problems before and you are now confiding in him that you have a problem, why not introduce him to some reading that will help him?

You are in good hands here though :>

Take care

I'm guessing your BF is angry with you because he cares about you and is worried. You say he is just "figuring" this out. Have you actually had the conversation with him and confessed to him that you have a problem and are recovering or is he just guessing and inferring?

Re-read the last 3 sentences of your 2nd paragraph. That is a conversation I might suggest you have with him. Apologize for Friday. Let him know you are struggling but that he means so much to you. Tell him about the guilt and shame you feel and see if he is willing to help you get through this.

It would be so much easier for you to recover with a strong support system, however keep in mind that ultimately your recovery the most important thing for you to focus on right now. Whatever your recovery program is, throw yourself into it 100%.

You can do this!

I know there are many books out there for support I could ask him to read but any suggestions?

Be honest with him about it all is my advice :)

Lynn, please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

Bob R

Thank you all! I have told him I need help. Honestly, I am not the type to ask for help so it is difficult for me to be open. I think I will try to find a book which might explain to him better than I can of what I am going through.

Lynn,

The best book you could give him is a Al-Alnon schedule... :)

I agree. Apologize. Don't ignore the elephant in the room. Explain your feelings and ask him about his feelings. Don't pressure him. Then explain to him what you plan to do so that Friday doesn't happen again. Then follow up your plan with actions!!

Good luck!

Lynn, I know it seems a little counter intuitive, but focus on you.
Focus on your recovery.

It's my experience that once we get that down, everything else tends to fall into place...sometimes it may not be what we expect, but it all pans out... :)

I think it's a good sign your BF is still there. Try not to focus on him so much...he'll make up his own mind...(I know there's an element of risk there...but try just to let it go...have faith....)

work on staying sober...thats the best gift I think you can give to this relationship :)

D

Another good one--a seminal and classic one for therapists, I think--is Under the Influence by Milam and Ketcham. My wife read it with me. It talks about the physiological facts of alcohol and how people get trapped in cycles of binging, abusing, and ultimately alcoholism. It might help him understand that science and biology really can explain at least part of the controlling influence of it. You can download it on the Kindle, iPad, or Kindle for iPad.

Hope this helps!

Lynn, I'm with Dee on this one.

Don't worry about what your boyfriends reads right now. Just focus on you and your recovery. My husband didn't want to talk about recovery when I began and he still doesn't. I desperately wanted him to understand what I was going through and he just had no interest. It didn't mean he didn't love me, but he believed (rightly so) that I needed to work on myself. And, that's what saved me and what saved our marriage.