Depression.
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
Depression.
It seeks to destroy me.
Just as the bottle does.
Reminding me, every day, of my wrong doings.
Eating away at me, until i am almost an empty shell.
I sleep all day, not wanting to wake up
Knowing my uselesseness will be once again more prevalent than ever.
Knowing I am slipping away, further from sanity.
Normalcies are just a dream, thrown away.
One day, something will subside other than my hopes and hapiness.
One day loathing and self righteousness will dissipate.
Until then, I wait.
I just felt like writing. Haven't been on here in a while. Which is how it usually goes. Just been having a rough time lately. Thought I would come to SR and vent a little. Thanks.
Dom
Just as the bottle does.
Reminding me, every day, of my wrong doings.
Eating away at me, until i am almost an empty shell.
I sleep all day, not wanting to wake up
Knowing my uselesseness will be once again more prevalent than ever.
Knowing I am slipping away, further from sanity.
Normalcies are just a dream, thrown away.
One day, something will subside other than my hopes and hapiness.
One day loathing and self righteousness will dissipate.
Until then, I wait.
I just felt like writing. Haven't been on here in a while. Which is how it usually goes. Just been having a rough time lately. Thought I would come to SR and vent a little. Thanks.
Dom
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 4
Writing is such a wonderful form of self therapy especially while in recovery. I have always loved writing, so I recently started a blog about my journey. From what you wrote you seem very talented and I would encourage using this to help you.
I never thought I would be interested in blogging, but so far it has helped. Basically, I literally started from the beginning and went on. When starting from the very beginning, like mine was my own conception, you are able to easier pinpoint roots causes and issues that you might not have thought of before that could aid you in your recovery.
We all have the ability to get through this. It's hard. You can. I can.
I never thought I would be interested in blogging, but so far it has helped. Basically, I literally started from the beginning and went on. When starting from the very beginning, like mine was my own conception, you are able to easier pinpoint roots causes and issues that you might not have thought of before that could aid you in your recovery.
We all have the ability to get through this. It's hard. You can. I can.
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
Sap,
To come to my senses and stop being so depressed all the time. I have a loving family, a house, no job since I got laid off (but slowly working on it). It just seems like if I am drinking it's easier to do things, but when I stop drinking I get so depressed I can't even get out of bed. It's driving me insane. I guess the rape and the loss of my job really got me to this point. So frustrated!
To come to my senses and stop being so depressed all the time. I have a loving family, a house, no job since I got laid off (but slowly working on it). It just seems like if I am drinking it's easier to do things, but when I stop drinking I get so depressed I can't even get out of bed. It's driving me insane. I guess the rape and the loss of my job really got me to this point. So frustrated!
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
Recently, I have been doing nothing. I tried counseling services and I went to a couple womens meetings, but there are only 2 women that really show up and they are much older than me. I just feel I have exhausted all of my options. I am just at the end of my rope.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You can find a different meeting...If I showed up to one and it only had two people I'd keep looking...It's amazing the hope you can get from people that actually care about seeing you get better...I can tell you they are out there....I was where you are Dom....Utterly hopeless....And I hated the idea of asking for help...It was the best thing I have ever done for myself in my life. I hope you'll at least try.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Glad you are here today. It is so hard when depression or as in my case depression/anxiety hits. Take care and remember, our addiction will alter our thinking. "It" wants a hit of whatever we are addicted to. This is not the core of who you are. Just for today, an hour, or even a minute, put down the drink and take care of yourself. You are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Dom, I've been where you are. I used to get up, take my kids to school, go home and straight back to bed for the day. Life seemed meaningless. There were only black clouds of depression and endless self loathing in my world. I could see no light.
I hated myself and did not have the energy to seek a way out.
You don't need to live like this. Try and find more meetings. Phone the AA hotline and see if someone will take you there. Talk to people who will understand. Give therapy a chance.
You deserve a better life than this. Go seek it out.
I care about you very much, and have followed your story. Keep posting and let us support you xxx
I hated myself and did not have the energy to seek a way out.
You don't need to live like this. Try and find more meetings. Phone the AA hotline and see if someone will take you there. Talk to people who will understand. Give therapy a chance.
You deserve a better life than this. Go seek it out.
I care about you very much, and have followed your story. Keep posting and let us support you xxx
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
Jeni, I know. I will try harder. It's just i am so far in the **** right now, I don't know what else to do. I care for you very much as well. All I can do is pull myself up, or give up. Thanks girl.
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