Beginning Day 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 4
Beginning Day 2
Hello all, my name is Billy and I am intent on becoming sober. I don't know if it is customary to post a life story, but I feel it would be constructive to give a background on my drinking habits.
I am 25 years old, have been drinking since I was 16. The second time I drank was after my Junior Homecoming, I believe I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-12 shots of Smirnoff Raspberry which prompted a hurling on my friend's dad's carpet. The resulting hangover was unbearable, similar to the one that I had August 27th, 2012 after celebrating my "birthday week", a four day heavy binge.
From the ages of 16-18, I never acquired a taste for beer. This resulted in me usually being one of the drunker people at the parties I attended, which at first were only on weekend nights. I worked full-time and was able to afford decent hooch, my go-to usually being Rumple Minze or Grey Goose. Of course, I would not hesitate to drink any shot poured for me.
I have a cognitive dissonance when I think about whether those days were fun or not. It genuinely felt fun, met a ton of cool people that I am friends to this day, but I've come to wonder what would of happened if I was sober around them? In any case, what followed the first few years of my weekend/party drinking was anything but fun.
From 18-21, I began drinking four to five times a week, depending on my work schedule. Sloth and drinking kept me from going to over half of my classes my first semester of community college, and I did not return for a second. I developed a liking to beer, and would drink an average of 10 beers/shots a night with one particular set of friends who had a house and I could pass out there every night.
This particular stable of friends was led by a manipulative, older alcoholic who placed drinking/smoking above the concerns or well-being of the others. Financially and psychologically, people would be used and cast off when they were no longer of any value. Being one of the most financially stable, I was around until the age of 22. I never questioned being an alcoholic, and again I was under the impression that I was having the time of my life. Sneaking into bars underage, getting hammered, and hooking up with girls fueled my appetite for destruction.
The group eventually broke apart three years ago, mainly due to the extreme intoxication which prefaced fistfights. By this time I had moved out of my parent's house to a classmate's older cousin, who I had met a few times back in my younger sober days. Four years older than me, he is a brilliant general contractor project manager, and owned a house in one of the richest counties in America by the time he was 26. He is also a functioning alcoholic who drinks 7 nights a week, usually within a hour of being home.
By this time at age 22, my tolerance is formidable. I could drink him under the table once he got home from work, which left me bored looking for something to do. I began partying with a friend at a local college, often going to the bar four to five times a week. Now unemployed, I found myself using a ton of Savings bonds left for me to pay rent and go party. The days of Rumple and the Goose are long gone, my new go-to is Kentucky Gentleman for house-drinking, and gin & tonics at the bar. Most notably, I noticed my hangover's were getting progressively worse. When younger they would be rare or only last for a hour or so, but now a bad one could leave me in bed for nearly the whole day.
Before summer last year, I began questioning whether or not I had been drinking too much. What at first seemed like fun, innocent adolescent drinking had turned into most of my life. Summer hits, a friend has a free place @ the beach, and a mean binge begins. The average pregame for the bar would begin around 4-5 P.M. after a day at the beach, and by 2:30 A.M. I would usually consume upwards of 25 drinks, and most of the time not blackout.
Near the end of the summer, the cousin to my landlord who I have known (and drank heavily with) for 20 years is taken to the hospital and nearly dies from pancreatitis. The cause was a bad diet (which I also have) but mostly due to alcoholism. At this point, I severely questioned my drinking yet continued. I would drink less days, but still the absurd amount. About 2 months after his pancreatitis diagnosis, my friend is drinking again and I am with him.
Fast forward to this summer, where I am still drinking less as far as days, but the tolerance is at an all-time high. After my "birthday week" ended on August 27th, I was sitting in a restaurant eating a greasy pizza hoping it would help cure my hangover. It honestly felt like I was going to seize up and have the big one right there, and I could barely walk upon returning home. After being consulted by another friend who was concerned about my latest binge, I decided to be sober.
I was successful for five days in a row, I would go outside a lot, play sports, got a job, and things were looking up. When the weekend hit and friends offered drinks, I caved and drank Sat-Mon Labor Day weekend. Since then due to the new job, I only drank on one weeknight but still would get hammered on Friday and Saturdays.
A few hours ago, I saw my friend with pancreatitis. He told me he was in the hospital last Monday-Friday, where he was only allowed to eat ice chips (cannot drink water) while being on an IV with Dilaudid. He told me he was quitting for good this time, and I want to do the same. The burning desire is there, I just need to execute better and deny the peer pressure.
It's easy to think of my old, fun times partying and getting crazy. Unfortunately, it is even easier to remember (or hear from friends) all the terrible things I've done when drunk. I have cheated on girlfriends, hooked up with my friend's girlfriends, had unsafe sex with girls who I would normally never look at, gotten a DUI, and said very hurtful things to people which were completely uncalled for. No serious crime, but the guilt from hurting people weighs heavily on my back.
I forgive the bad group of friends that I had and their leader, and I ask of forgiveness from the people who I have hurt. I was enrolled in Catholic school grades 1-12, so I mostly have been praying to God and the Lord Jesus Christ asking for forgiveness and strength. I have not been to the doctor since I was a teenager and am praying that no serious damage has been done. I am thankful for this platform where I can tell my story and hopefully receive some feedback, analysis, or just words of encouragement. Thank you for reading, my apologies for the extensiveness.
- Billy
I am 25 years old, have been drinking since I was 16. The second time I drank was after my Junior Homecoming, I believe I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-12 shots of Smirnoff Raspberry which prompted a hurling on my friend's dad's carpet. The resulting hangover was unbearable, similar to the one that I had August 27th, 2012 after celebrating my "birthday week", a four day heavy binge.
From the ages of 16-18, I never acquired a taste for beer. This resulted in me usually being one of the drunker people at the parties I attended, which at first were only on weekend nights. I worked full-time and was able to afford decent hooch, my go-to usually being Rumple Minze or Grey Goose. Of course, I would not hesitate to drink any shot poured for me.
I have a cognitive dissonance when I think about whether those days were fun or not. It genuinely felt fun, met a ton of cool people that I am friends to this day, but I've come to wonder what would of happened if I was sober around them? In any case, what followed the first few years of my weekend/party drinking was anything but fun.
From 18-21, I began drinking four to five times a week, depending on my work schedule. Sloth and drinking kept me from going to over half of my classes my first semester of community college, and I did not return for a second. I developed a liking to beer, and would drink an average of 10 beers/shots a night with one particular set of friends who had a house and I could pass out there every night.
This particular stable of friends was led by a manipulative, older alcoholic who placed drinking/smoking above the concerns or well-being of the others. Financially and psychologically, people would be used and cast off when they were no longer of any value. Being one of the most financially stable, I was around until the age of 22. I never questioned being an alcoholic, and again I was under the impression that I was having the time of my life. Sneaking into bars underage, getting hammered, and hooking up with girls fueled my appetite for destruction.
The group eventually broke apart three years ago, mainly due to the extreme intoxication which prefaced fistfights. By this time I had moved out of my parent's house to a classmate's older cousin, who I had met a few times back in my younger sober days. Four years older than me, he is a brilliant general contractor project manager, and owned a house in one of the richest counties in America by the time he was 26. He is also a functioning alcoholic who drinks 7 nights a week, usually within a hour of being home.
By this time at age 22, my tolerance is formidable. I could drink him under the table once he got home from work, which left me bored looking for something to do. I began partying with a friend at a local college, often going to the bar four to five times a week. Now unemployed, I found myself using a ton of Savings bonds left for me to pay rent and go party. The days of Rumple and the Goose are long gone, my new go-to is Kentucky Gentleman for house-drinking, and gin & tonics at the bar. Most notably, I noticed my hangover's were getting progressively worse. When younger they would be rare or only last for a hour or so, but now a bad one could leave me in bed for nearly the whole day.
Before summer last year, I began questioning whether or not I had been drinking too much. What at first seemed like fun, innocent adolescent drinking had turned into most of my life. Summer hits, a friend has a free place @ the beach, and a mean binge begins. The average pregame for the bar would begin around 4-5 P.M. after a day at the beach, and by 2:30 A.M. I would usually consume upwards of 25 drinks, and most of the time not blackout.
Near the end of the summer, the cousin to my landlord who I have known (and drank heavily with) for 20 years is taken to the hospital and nearly dies from pancreatitis. The cause was a bad diet (which I also have) but mostly due to alcoholism. At this point, I severely questioned my drinking yet continued. I would drink less days, but still the absurd amount. About 2 months after his pancreatitis diagnosis, my friend is drinking again and I am with him.
Fast forward to this summer, where I am still drinking less as far as days, but the tolerance is at an all-time high. After my "birthday week" ended on August 27th, I was sitting in a restaurant eating a greasy pizza hoping it would help cure my hangover. It honestly felt like I was going to seize up and have the big one right there, and I could barely walk upon returning home. After being consulted by another friend who was concerned about my latest binge, I decided to be sober.
I was successful for five days in a row, I would go outside a lot, play sports, got a job, and things were looking up. When the weekend hit and friends offered drinks, I caved and drank Sat-Mon Labor Day weekend. Since then due to the new job, I only drank on one weeknight but still would get hammered on Friday and Saturdays.
A few hours ago, I saw my friend with pancreatitis. He told me he was in the hospital last Monday-Friday, where he was only allowed to eat ice chips (cannot drink water) while being on an IV with Dilaudid. He told me he was quitting for good this time, and I want to do the same. The burning desire is there, I just need to execute better and deny the peer pressure.
It's easy to think of my old, fun times partying and getting crazy. Unfortunately, it is even easier to remember (or hear from friends) all the terrible things I've done when drunk. I have cheated on girlfriends, hooked up with my friend's girlfriends, had unsafe sex with girls who I would normally never look at, gotten a DUI, and said very hurtful things to people which were completely uncalled for. No serious crime, but the guilt from hurting people weighs heavily on my back.
I forgive the bad group of friends that I had and their leader, and I ask of forgiveness from the people who I have hurt. I was enrolled in Catholic school grades 1-12, so I mostly have been praying to God and the Lord Jesus Christ asking for forgiveness and strength. I have not been to the doctor since I was a teenager and am praying that no serious damage has been done. I am thankful for this platform where I can tell my story and hopefully receive some feedback, analysis, or just words of encouragement. Thank you for reading, my apologies for the extensiveness.
- Billy
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Good luck with it Billy , 2 days 
Have you ever tried out AA ? it might be worthwhile popping along and listening to what they have to say , get to meet new sober people then , sounds like it might be a good fit for you , there are other methods if that isn't for you.
Might be worth going to the doctors and having a full check-up , there are some infections a guy can catch and not know the're carrying which can effect a womans fertillity in later life , as well as doing the tests to see if alcohol has taken it's toll .
Hope you stick around and make use of the experience, knowledge and support you'll find .
Bestwishes, M
Have you ever tried out AA ? it might be worthwhile popping along and listening to what they have to say , get to meet new sober people then , sounds like it might be a good fit for you , there are other methods if that isn't for you.
Might be worth going to the doctors and having a full check-up , there are some infections a guy can catch and not know the're carrying which can effect a womans fertillity in later life , as well as doing the tests to see if alcohol has taken it's toll .
Hope you stick around and make use of the experience, knowledge and support you'll find .
Bestwishes, M
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Welcome BillyJr
Keep reading up here and see that there is life without the drink. You do not 'have' to be stuck where you are now.
Seeing a doctor and being honest about your drinking and desire to quit is a great place to start.
Best wishes.
Keep reading up here and see that there is life without the drink. You do not 'have' to be stuck where you are now.
Seeing a doctor and being honest about your drinking and desire to quit is a great place to start.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Billy 
Very impressive first post that you can look back on in times of weakness. I related very much to your story as I am sure many here will. I want to wish you all of the best of luck in your recovery from this horrible progressive disease/alcoholism. You will find a lot of understanding, wisdom & support on these forums.
Keep sharing your story/experiences, it not only helps you but others as well. You can do this my friend & you now have a large forum of people to support you. The next step is to start putting together a plan & method of recovery to support you on your journey. You may have to drop some good friends along the way & pick up some new sober ones to do some other fun things with but it will all work out.
All of the best ~ NB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,374
Welcome to SR Billy 
Getting sober involved a lot of lifestyle changes for me - but it was worth it...
that guy I was wasn't the authentic me, and my life certainly didn't enrich my spirit, or anyone else's...
great to have you join us
D
Getting sober involved a lot of lifestyle changes for me - but it was worth it...
that guy I was wasn't the authentic me, and my life certainly didn't enrich my spirit, or anyone else's...
great to have you join us
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 13
Hi Billy,
What an eloquent post!
I am so pleased you are seeing the madness and insanity of alcohol at such an early age. In my case I left it a few years and this year when my poor old liver started to fail - I realised the difficulty I was in. I am not only recovering emotionally, but physically too after the abuse my dear body took.
I would say that in my experience you will find not only giving up booze, but learning to live in a sober world, harder on your own.
I was at rock bottom and contacted AA with an open mind. I tried to cast aside my preconceptions and it was one of the best things I have ever done in my life! I have a programme to follow (which is a programme of life change), a wise and supportive sponsor and I meet the most wonderful people at meetings. We're even having a bowling and steak night soon. Something I would never have wanted to go to in my old drunk life!
I'm glad also that you have faith in God. I am just beginning to redevelop my friendship with my higher power at the moment which is essential to my developing my new good and whole life. Once again, I don't have to do it on my own or with people who really don'y understand this illness we have. I have the fellowship around me.
I am 31 days sober today, which for me is amazing and I am determined not to drink again. If I do, I will die because my body will not be able to stand anymore abuse.
It is hard when you are around people who drink in the early days when you need to be strong. My husband still drinks in front of me, even though I have told him it makes life difficult for me. Fortunately thus far, I have been able to deal with it - not that I haven't been tempted, but hey ho.
Anyway, enough from me. Please remember you have a wonderful, wonderful life ahead of you. Put that first over anything, especially booze which is described as cunning, baffling and powerful. And (as a wise AA member said to me at a meeting)..."indefinitely patient!".
Bless you.
SP x
What an eloquent post!
I am so pleased you are seeing the madness and insanity of alcohol at such an early age. In my case I left it a few years and this year when my poor old liver started to fail - I realised the difficulty I was in. I am not only recovering emotionally, but physically too after the abuse my dear body took.
I would say that in my experience you will find not only giving up booze, but learning to live in a sober world, harder on your own.
I was at rock bottom and contacted AA with an open mind. I tried to cast aside my preconceptions and it was one of the best things I have ever done in my life! I have a programme to follow (which is a programme of life change), a wise and supportive sponsor and I meet the most wonderful people at meetings. We're even having a bowling and steak night soon. Something I would never have wanted to go to in my old drunk life!
I'm glad also that you have faith in God. I am just beginning to redevelop my friendship with my higher power at the moment which is essential to my developing my new good and whole life. Once again, I don't have to do it on my own or with people who really don'y understand this illness we have. I have the fellowship around me.
I am 31 days sober today, which for me is amazing and I am determined not to drink again. If I do, I will die because my body will not be able to stand anymore abuse.
It is hard when you are around people who drink in the early days when you need to be strong. My husband still drinks in front of me, even though I have told him it makes life difficult for me. Fortunately thus far, I have been able to deal with it - not that I haven't been tempted, but hey ho.
Anyway, enough from me. Please remember you have a wonderful, wonderful life ahead of you. Put that first over anything, especially booze which is described as cunning, baffling and powerful. And (as a wise AA member said to me at a meeting)..."indefinitely patient!".
Bless you.
SP x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 4
Thanks for replying everybody, much obliged.
Being rather stubborn, I have never gone to AA. I keep wanting to believe that I am capable of doing this myself, I quit smoking cigarettes after 5 years of daily smoking cold turkey. However, I may have to cast my ego aside and come to terms that this battle doesn't need to be fought alone. Already it feels helpful just conversing with people who can relate to this problem.
So far I do not have a detailed plan or method to help with my recovery, but it sounds like AA is a good first step. I agree that going to the doctor's soon for a full-checkup should also be a priority.
Thank you again everybody.
Being rather stubborn, I have never gone to AA. I keep wanting to believe that I am capable of doing this myself, I quit smoking cigarettes after 5 years of daily smoking cold turkey. However, I may have to cast my ego aside and come to terms that this battle doesn't need to be fought alone. Already it feels helpful just conversing with people who can relate to this problem.
So far I do not have a detailed plan or method to help with my recovery, but it sounds like AA is a good first step. I agree that going to the doctor's soon for a full-checkup should also be a priority.
Thank you again everybody.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Thats awesome Billy, there are also some other methods to help you out along the way (AVRT, SMART, Rational Recovery Etc.) over on the secular forums too: Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
All of the best on your journey to sobriety
All of the best on your journey to sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 145
Welcome to SR , BillyJr.
Soulprint has stated it perfectly, precisely correct!!! I agree with her.....
To increase your chances of success at sobriety, I also strongly suggest AA. After 30 years of hard daily drinking (mostly hard liquor), I am on DAY 48 of my sobriety ! I've been to 49 meetings in those 48 days, working towards goal of 90 in 90 days.
Soulprint has stated it perfectly, precisely correct!!! I agree with her.....
To increase your chances of success at sobriety, I also strongly suggest AA. After 30 years of hard daily drinking (mostly hard liquor), I am on DAY 48 of my sobriety ! I've been to 49 meetings in those 48 days, working towards goal of 90 in 90 days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 4
NewBeginning - Thank you for the link, I will be sure to read it as soon as I am done typing this reply.
Johnny and jessd, Thank you both for the support and vote of confidence.
It is now the middle of my Day 2 and I am scheduled to leave for Atlantic City in about 3 hours. It is my grandmother's 75th birthday, attending will be my mom, younger sister, and uncle. None are heavy drinkers, but my retired grandmother and uncle are some gamblin' folk. I myself love playing blackjack and craps, and even though I play very infrequently (4-5 trips a year) I always lose way much more than I plan to. Hard to recall how many drunken visits have been made to an ATM somewhere in a dimly-lit, smelly casino.
I know the cards are stacked against me, both literally on the table games and figuratively via free drunks. I will be there until Weds or Thurs, and unfortunately not going is not an option. My resolve is strong, the plan is when the family gambles I will go up to the room, maybe walk down the boardwalk. If things get really bad, I figure I can look up an AA meet, I'm sure they have them there. Thanks again and see you all in a few days.
Johnny and jessd, Thank you both for the support and vote of confidence.
It is now the middle of my Day 2 and I am scheduled to leave for Atlantic City in about 3 hours. It is my grandmother's 75th birthday, attending will be my mom, younger sister, and uncle. None are heavy drinkers, but my retired grandmother and uncle are some gamblin' folk. I myself love playing blackjack and craps, and even though I play very infrequently (4-5 trips a year) I always lose way much more than I plan to. Hard to recall how many drunken visits have been made to an ATM somewhere in a dimly-lit, smelly casino.
I know the cards are stacked against me, both literally on the table games and figuratively via free drunks. I will be there until Weds or Thurs, and unfortunately not going is not an option. My resolve is strong, the plan is when the family gambles I will go up to the room, maybe walk down the boardwalk. If things get really bad, I figure I can look up an AA meet, I'm sure they have them there. Thanks again and see you all in a few days.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
That is great Billy, be prepared & look up/print out the AA meetings before you go... just in case ya know? They should also have a number you can call if you need help or just want to speak to someone. Last but not least if you have a smart phone/wifi with a browser we are right there with you... I mean right here ;-)
Being prepared & having a back up plan is a big part of getting/staying sober, as well as having as many tools in your tool box helps too.
Good luck & have a great trip, you can do this ;-)
Being prepared & having a back up plan is a big part of getting/staying sober, as well as having as many tools in your tool box helps too.
Good luck & have a great trip, you can do this ;-)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
