icelin

I am not to sure what I am doing at the moment. I am a pill junkie. Pain pills mainly. Hydros, Oxys, what ever I can get my hands on. 18 days ago my world exploded and I found myself ready to just give up and die. I really cant tell you exactly which devastation lead me to my decision but I took my last pain pill. I stopped cold turkey after 3 years of every day extreme use. This has been the worst 18 days of my life. Today is the first Ive been able to really get out of bed and Im forcing myself to do that. I have been to the hospital a couple of times because the cold turkey detox has been horrific but some where along the way I found hope. I am no where near able to say I am sober because every day is a struggle to even breath. My daughter turned 18 this month and she wasnt even with her family because she walked away from me and what I have become. My best friend left with her the same day for the same reasons. Now that I am able to think clear in spurts *still detoxing I guess* I am seeing who I have been the last three years and I am not liking it lemme tell ya. I dont know yet how this happened. I am just trying to heal and feel like I can stand up. I have also asked for mental help with professionals so that I can fix things with in my self. The things that lead me to this destruction. I am not scared of failing or slipping I am scared of what I have lost. My kids and my best friend were the air I breath and only my son stands with me of the 3. He stands there with my 9 month old granddaughter waiting for me to be able to play with her again. Why cant I focus on that? Why am I so focused on what I have lost? I honestly dont know who I am.

Dee74

Hi Icelin

I think sometimes getting sober can be a real shock to the system, no matter what drug we used to use...

Be gentle with yourself, stay clean, and things will improve for you, both physically and emotionally...mentally too

Glad you've joined us - there's a ton of support here.
Check out our substance abuse forum too:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

IndaMiricale

Welcome

Indeed in all recovery no matter what it is, its new and scarey filled with a lot of questions. Thats were support comes in ..

icelin

Thank you for directing me to the proper forum and for your replies. I got RLS and major insomnia and I am just freaking out trying to find something to help me cope and I stumbled onto this site.

IndaMiricale

I know when I always detoxed I didnt sleep till the thrird day. So I would spend a lot of time here in the chat room..

It gets better each day..