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I am a newcomer

Old 09-15-2012, 03:19 PM
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Sobriety date 12/19/2011
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Question I am a newcomer

I have 8 months of sobriety, and my sponsor, who I listen to, told me today that I still don't have the first step down. I am going to a meeting, and I will read yalls responses when I return.
I texted another friend that is in AA with me and asked her if she wanted to go to the Wine Festival with me and watch the other drunk people. There are bands, and lots of food, booths, etc.... I know that some people from AA will have some booths there, so I was thinking it won't be a problem.
My friend told me she relapsed over the weekend.
So - I immediately called my sponsor, and told her what I said to my friend. That is when she told me I really don't have the First Step down yet. I love and appreciate everything my sponsor does for me, and I really listen to her.
I am only making about 2 meetings a week right now, every now and then 3. I am working hard at a new job, and I am so tired after work, that I just want to come home and relax. I did my 90 in 90, actually for about 6 months I went every day. Now, I am starting to feel like I don't need to go to as many, that since "I got it", I really have it!
I want to know how many of you felt the same way, that once you got it, you got it. I am going to start to go to as many meetings as possible again, because I know that Meeting makers make it, but I just want to go to 2 or 3 a week!!!!!

I am about to leave, but I will read this when I get back.
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Old 09-15-2012, 03:28 PM
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I'm from the school of meeting makers make meetings and step takers find recovery...Rarely have we seen a person fail???....It doesn't say anything about meetings on that path.

If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:37 PM
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I do not have a lot of experience with meetings except for the few that I attended with my father when he was in recovery. I do know a lot of people that have benefited and found true sobriety through AA though! I sure hope you hear from some of them soon. In the meantime, just wanted you to know that this is being read and we are thinking about you. Sorry I can't offer more. I wish you all the best. Hope you find the answers and peace that you seek.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:46 PM
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Has your sponsor guided you through all 12 steps?
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:59 PM
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Yeah, that was my question. Are you working the steps? While I get a lot from the meetings, fellowship and a feeling of belonging, I feel I have gained much more from working the steps one on one with my sponsor.
Also curious why you would want to go to a wine festival? That's the last place I'd want to be but that's me.
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Old 09-15-2012, 08:17 PM
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Congrats on your 8 months.

I cant speak for your sponsor, but as long as you know you are and why powerless over alcohol, so far so good with 8 months. And its the only step we have to get right each day, cause if we dont then the other 11 dont mean a thing..

I also am a big meeting person. Almost daily for over a year..
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Old 09-15-2012, 08:21 PM
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well, i think asking if someone wants to go watch other drunk people isn't a great way to phrase "lets have an evening out." it makes it seem like your focus is on what you can't have instead of what you should be enjoying. you're not out there to watch drunk people, are you? aren't you there to enjoy the bands, the food, the booths? so why would you say that? i understand you were probably trying to make a joke but perhaps it was in bad taste especially since you don't know how someone else's sobriety is going. it was lacking tact, if i may be so blunt. i think your sponsor is concerned that that slip of the tongue is perhaps an insight to what you're really feeling. are you still harboring a grudge against "normals" because you can't partake or have you really come to terms with the fact that that is no longer your lifestyle? harboring that resentment is a hard thing to let go of and it's so ingrained and toxic that until you learn to release it it's like a ticking time bomb on your sobriety. that's my take on it at least. i hope it helps.
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Old 09-15-2012, 08:24 PM
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I don't think i've ever deliberately gone out with the intention of just watching drunk people. While i've been in environments that certainly lend themselves to being around intoxicated people (ex's gigs, volunteering at a drop-in centre), the thing that really got me was feeling a sense of pity toward these individuals. I realise that's a horrible feeling to have toward another.

Then, in a rounabout way, it would "work" as a scare tactic and i'd get some sort of almost sadistic relief knowing that it wasn't me acting like a drunken idiot on that given occasion. My ex's band's vocalist was a bit of a poster-child for that, but it wasn't hard to see that he was hurting like mad. Now? Particularly at the drop-in centre, I have compassion for these individuals and if they want to talk about what they're going through, then the mutual footing and respect with some of the clients is there

I mentioned it in another thread just a few minutes ago; what was suggested to me is to check my motives before essentially doing anything. What I *do* know is I seldom deliberately put myself in harm's way now and there are so many things I can do with friends inside and outside the fellowship that have zilch to do with alcohol
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