Other high functioning alcoholics?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 42
Other high functioning alcoholics?
I am wondering if there is anyone else here who functioned well as an alcoholic as I did. Where things were not well I went to great lengths to appear very successful and admirable.
I am finding sobriety so difficult for two reasons.
First, I feel so much worse physically, emotionally and mentally than I did when I was drinking everyday. I can't work out like I used to, I feel jittery an out-of-sorts, and I am very depressed.
Second, most people who know me know the fake me. Always upbeat and laughing, full of energy, into health and fitness, really involved with my church and family centered, always doing crafts and neat things with my kids. Now I am seeing that so many years of my life have been an alcohol fueled illusion. I feel so afraid to let people know who I really am, but I am also afraid of rejection and judgment.
Has any one else here experienced anything like this? So many people around here seem so happy in recovery, but I am not. I am miserable. I am only doing it because it is on the verge of turning into a serious physical problem, and I know I will eventually ruin my relationships as well.
I am finding sobriety so difficult for two reasons.
First, I feel so much worse physically, emotionally and mentally than I did when I was drinking everyday. I can't work out like I used to, I feel jittery an out-of-sorts, and I am very depressed.
Second, most people who know me know the fake me. Always upbeat and laughing, full of energy, into health and fitness, really involved with my church and family centered, always doing crafts and neat things with my kids. Now I am seeing that so many years of my life have been an alcohol fueled illusion. I feel so afraid to let people know who I really am, but I am also afraid of rejection and judgment.
Has any one else here experienced anything like this? So many people around here seem so happy in recovery, but I am not. I am miserable. I am only doing it because it is on the verge of turning into a serious physical problem, and I know I will eventually ruin my relationships as well.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hi Prettynoose,
I believe i was quite a high functioning alcoholic , i had those feelings when i gave up for maybe the first few weeks ... after 3 months i was a new person , 6 months things had really improved astoundingly and now over a year on i have a whole new outlook and it is soooooo much better . If you are beyond me in time sober cocurrently then maybe there is something you need to go and see the doctor about, otherwise just stick with it , it get better .
Bestwishes, M
I believe i was quite a high functioning alcoholic , i had those feelings when i gave up for maybe the first few weeks ... after 3 months i was a new person , 6 months things had really improved astoundingly and now over a year on i have a whole new outlook and it is soooooo much better . If you are beyond me in time sober cocurrently then maybe there is something you need to go and see the doctor about, otherwise just stick with it , it get better .
Bestwishes, M
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Prettynoose
The one thing I had to learn in recovery was patience...I'd drunk for 20 years...I'd adapted to living drunk...until my last few years I would have called myself a highly functioning alcoholic too - I think most of us do, or did (I have a different opinion looking back now...)
It takes time for our bodies and minds to heal and reach a new 'normal'...it also takes time for us to learn to live sober.
Don't make the mistake of judging your whole future on the basis of a few days of sobriety - give it some time
D
The one thing I had to learn in recovery was patience...I'd drunk for 20 years...I'd adapted to living drunk...until my last few years I would have called myself a highly functioning alcoholic too - I think most of us do, or did (I have a different opinion looking back now...)
It takes time for our bodies and minds to heal and reach a new 'normal'...it also takes time for us to learn to live sober.
Don't make the mistake of judging your whole future on the basis of a few days of sobriety - give it some time
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 277
Prettynoose, I am in the same situation as you are. I am trying to tackle this situation by drawing analogy from normal people's life . Normal people do get sick. They do have periods of low energy, low motivation. They do not hide it. They just declare themselves sick. Same thing, we can do. We do not have to hide anything. We can explain to people around us, that we are going through some health problems. The same is true. We will not be lying, when we say this. Because , when we quit after years of abuse, our body and mind, get sick without the substance, That is why we get withdrawal symptoms. It will be really good for us in long term perspective, to go through these withdrawals and change of our outlook as perceived by people around us.
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
For the last 15 years of my life, I have been living a lie. I am naturally an introvert. I was very shy and quiet as a kid and only came out of my shell when I 'discovered' alcohol. The booze made me a sociable and engaging person who people responded to. I went with it and the booze carried me for years through work and my social life. Now that I'm sober, I feel like I have lost my 'mojo'. I am not as witty or fun to be around. However, the last few years of my drinking I became an angry and aggressive drunk as I descended into full-blown alcoholism. Someone who people would want to run from.
I am glad to be sober, boring, and a little miserable now. At least people will actually see the real me instead of the rock-star I tried to be.
I am glad to be sober, boring, and a little miserable now. At least people will actually see the real me instead of the rock-star I tried to be.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Another high functioning alcoholic as well as a high functioning drug addict. getting loaded and sitting back and laughing at the rest of the "straight" folks is part of being high or was for me. There was a thrill to going to work at my professional and responsible job high. It always seemed more fun as did my woodworking hobby and time with my kids.
I got used to being a nonparticipant as the high removed me a certain distance from it all. it was like stepping away and watching even though I was there and seemingly engaged.
Without whatever substance one chooses to step away then it can all seem so boring. After years of living in that separated space and feeling the euphoria in everyday life that really isn't t/wasn't there it really can seem rather mundane.
On top of that you have constantly stimulated your pleasure centers artificially for how long only you know. Your brain no longer knows how to do that in a "natural" fashion so you now go through life in this grey zone. Sounds and feels lousy doesn't it?
For me the worst was similar in that I had stimulated the sleep mechanism artificially for many years. I was unable to sleep for 3 months after getting sober. There simply was no way I could go to sleep. During that time I only slept about 8 hours per week and that was from sheer exhaustion.
I was high functioning during that time too as I went about my business and responsibilities well.
I look back at the high times as well as the sleepy times now that I have returned to a more normal life and see that I wasn't really high functioning at all. now that my brain has regained itself and it's "normal" functioning I am finally clear headed and functioning very well. I love the comment above that states that we never refer to "normal" people as high functioning onlyl idiots that are doing well given the circumstances.
As Dee has stated, give yourself more time for your systems to recover. Every one is different and finds their own way.
I got used to being a nonparticipant as the high removed me a certain distance from it all. it was like stepping away and watching even though I was there and seemingly engaged.
Without whatever substance one chooses to step away then it can all seem so boring. After years of living in that separated space and feeling the euphoria in everyday life that really isn't t/wasn't there it really can seem rather mundane.
On top of that you have constantly stimulated your pleasure centers artificially for how long only you know. Your brain no longer knows how to do that in a "natural" fashion so you now go through life in this grey zone. Sounds and feels lousy doesn't it?
For me the worst was similar in that I had stimulated the sleep mechanism artificially for many years. I was unable to sleep for 3 months after getting sober. There simply was no way I could go to sleep. During that time I only slept about 8 hours per week and that was from sheer exhaustion.
I was high functioning during that time too as I went about my business and responsibilities well.
I look back at the high times as well as the sleepy times now that I have returned to a more normal life and see that I wasn't really high functioning at all. now that my brain has regained itself and it's "normal" functioning I am finally clear headed and functioning very well. I love the comment above that states that we never refer to "normal" people as high functioning onlyl idiots that are doing well given the circumstances.
As Dee has stated, give yourself more time for your systems to recover. Every one is different and finds their own way.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 50
Pretty,
I did a little bit of research, for myself, and there are some issues regarding dopamine (I think) and your body's ability to manufacture it's own right now. Forgive me I can't paraphrase it right now, but try searching for it and you'll be able to understand, there are simple chemical reasons behind your misery.
Also, what are the reasons why you are quitting? Can you list them? You kind of glossed over it and I'm curious.
I agree with a PP that the whole idea of "high-functioning" is just off. I mean, I have never been arrested or evicted and I have a job and I am not alienated from my family. But that's not my best life.
This is going to sound harsh.... trust me, I've been there numerous times over the last year, quitting, not quitting, moderating... I just think that calling oneself "high-functioning" as compared to the alcoholics who are homeless or have DUI's... it's setting the bar on the floor and then being proud to hop over it.
(No offense meant to all those who have been there just trying to illustrate a point)
I did a little bit of research, for myself, and there are some issues regarding dopamine (I think) and your body's ability to manufacture it's own right now. Forgive me I can't paraphrase it right now, but try searching for it and you'll be able to understand, there are simple chemical reasons behind your misery.
Also, what are the reasons why you are quitting? Can you list them? You kind of glossed over it and I'm curious.
I agree with a PP that the whole idea of "high-functioning" is just off. I mean, I have never been arrested or evicted and I have a job and I am not alienated from my family. But that's not my best life.
This is going to sound harsh.... trust me, I've been there numerous times over the last year, quitting, not quitting, moderating... I just think that calling oneself "high-functioning" as compared to the alcoholics who are homeless or have DUI's... it's setting the bar on the floor and then being proud to hop over it.
(No offense meant to all those who have been there just trying to illustrate a point)
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I'm always amazed at the length we will go to convince ourselves that our drinking is okay.
I am finding sobriety so difficult for two reasons.
There is only one reason you are finding sobriety difficult...
...alcoholism.
Give sobriety, and your recovery, the time it deserves.
Originally Posted by Prettynoose 
I am finding sobriety so difficult for two reasons.
...alcoholism.
Give sobriety, and your recovery, the time it deserves.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 832
Pnoose - as you can see you are not alone. Time is needed to heal your body and mind of what's been done to it. I like what everyone said above. Doggonecarl really said a lot in such few words.
Keep at it - You have a lot to offer others, and it will only get better in time when your focus is on what you will do today, not about the difficulty of sobriety.
Be well!
Keep at it - You have a lot to offer others, and it will only get better in time when your focus is on what you will do today, not about the difficulty of sobriety.
Be well!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You said a lot in there that I could identify with.
My experience and my own understanding of my experience (which is not necessarily to be trusted... my experience is fact, my understanding of it is subjective...) are similar.
Mmmm... High functioning alcoholic... still have the job (though for me it was in very significant peril at the time), the house, car, family... all that... That made it difficult for me, at first. This idea that I had to come to terms with.... that my life had become unmanageable... it is crucial, you know. And that's hard for some of us. I think there is that pride thing... And if I am not getting any tangible benefits from getting recovered... like getting all those outward signs of being highly functional back... kind of a pavlovian reward thing... why, I already live the "good" life? And hell yea, I wasn't so happy at first... The rewards of sobriety came more slowly for me... Make no mistake here, they came... subtle at first, but then as the months and years of living my life more engaged, present and involved, with my own life and, then, and more importantly, other's lives... well... I have no doubt that getting recovered is a very good thing.
This other thing you mentioned, about your life being an alcohol fueled illusion... Oh boy, I understand that, wow!! Someone told me, here on this board, Dee74 I think... Some things we don't get to understand at first... Like our past, and what it means, was it all a lie?? All that. Well... now I get to tell you, LOL... you don't get to understand all that now!! But I can tell you also that your life was not an illusion... As you recover and see things as they are, you will be able to assimilate your present recovered state with all that came before... and you will come to terms with it and be at peace with it... I kinda think that is one of the miracles that AA promises.
If you feel bad now, well, maybe that's your journey, it was mine... Don't sit still and stew in it, though... Maybe you need some guidance... Therapy?.... or maybe you could try the 12 steps of AA, it worked for me... Or some other method of recovery. But be patient and work hard... you will get there.
My experience and my own understanding of my experience (which is not necessarily to be trusted... my experience is fact, my understanding of it is subjective...) are similar.
Mmmm... High functioning alcoholic... still have the job (though for me it was in very significant peril at the time), the house, car, family... all that... That made it difficult for me, at first. This idea that I had to come to terms with.... that my life had become unmanageable... it is crucial, you know. And that's hard for some of us. I think there is that pride thing... And if I am not getting any tangible benefits from getting recovered... like getting all those outward signs of being highly functional back... kind of a pavlovian reward thing... why, I already live the "good" life? And hell yea, I wasn't so happy at first... The rewards of sobriety came more slowly for me... Make no mistake here, they came... subtle at first, but then as the months and years of living my life more engaged, present and involved, with my own life and, then, and more importantly, other's lives... well... I have no doubt that getting recovered is a very good thing.
This other thing you mentioned, about your life being an alcohol fueled illusion... Oh boy, I understand that, wow!! Someone told me, here on this board, Dee74 I think... Some things we don't get to understand at first... Like our past, and what it means, was it all a lie?? All that. Well... now I get to tell you, LOL... you don't get to understand all that now!! But I can tell you also that your life was not an illusion... As you recover and see things as they are, you will be able to assimilate your present recovered state with all that came before... and you will come to terms with it and be at peace with it... I kinda think that is one of the miracles that AA promises.
If you feel bad now, well, maybe that's your journey, it was mine... Don't sit still and stew in it, though... Maybe you need some guidance... Therapy?.... or maybe you could try the 12 steps of AA, it worked for me... Or some other method of recovery. But be patient and work hard... you will get there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Hmm functioning .....high , low ....does not sound like living....or at least that's where I have ended up. The self will propelled me along for quite a long time with the binges getting worse and worse and worse. Its left my dead inside and now facing the work I need to do , the Steps .
I still have a job , still have good terms with my family , wife , kids .....
The surrender of Step 1 made me see I can only be one me. I had a lot of faces , the work faces , the family face and a pile of others. What a lot to keep in the air...talk about a struggle. The energy to keep all those compartments going was too much and I crashed. So now I see the only way it the honest and true me. I don't have to tell everyone everything about me , in fact right now I am doing a good deal more listening for once.
I am still in the very early stages but the shackles of lies , deceit and all that energy holding different faces for different people is lifted. Just that in itslef has allowed me the energy to get to the rooms and open my mind.
Yes been there thinking I was still "on top of things" while drinking but the reality was I was slowly but surely losing all control.
Have a good 24
I still have a job , still have good terms with my family , wife , kids .....
The surrender of Step 1 made me see I can only be one me. I had a lot of faces , the work faces , the family face and a pile of others. What a lot to keep in the air...talk about a struggle. The energy to keep all those compartments going was too much and I crashed. So now I see the only way it the honest and true me. I don't have to tell everyone everything about me , in fact right now I am doing a good deal more listening for once.
I am still in the very early stages but the shackles of lies , deceit and all that energy holding different faces for different people is lifted. Just that in itslef has allowed me the energy to get to the rooms and open my mind.
Yes been there thinking I was still "on top of things" while drinking but the reality was I was slowly but surely losing all control.
Have a good 24
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Yep. I can relate.
I was functioning ..... not 'high' functioning in my opinion. I had a job and paid my bills but as my alcoholism progressed my standards get lowering. Functioning used to mean one thing and then I would change it to adapt to my level of functioning.
Putting on that pretend face .... yep, I suppose I still do it to some extent.
You will start feeling mentally and physically better the longer you are sober. It's tough but be patient.
I had to add many things to help my recovery along the way. For me it was SR, therapy, and AA. Have you added anything to help you?
I was functioning ..... not 'high' functioning in my opinion. I had a job and paid my bills but as my alcoholism progressed my standards get lowering. Functioning used to mean one thing and then I would change it to adapt to my level of functioning.
Putting on that pretend face .... yep, I suppose I still do it to some extent.
You will start feeling mentally and physically better the longer you are sober. It's tough but be patient.
I had to add many things to help my recovery along the way. For me it was SR, therapy, and AA. Have you added anything to help you?
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