I think Im close to the bottom and I'm scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 58
I think Im close to the bottom and I'm scared
It's been a couple of months since I've been on SR and I was doing pretty good. Not. Completely sober but I had cut down a lot and started working out. I was feeling good. Then Monday happened. It was my birthday And I went to a friends house to drink. I knew it was a bad idea. Several people from work were there and I drank way too much, blacked out and had to be driven home. I don't remember much. The next morning I drank more to ease the hangover and anxiety I was feeling. I went to work where everyone was talking about how much I had drank the night before. I got really sick and developed a migraine and had to get a friend to bring me home. I couldn't sleep at all last night and had to call in to work again today with a migraine. I love my job and my kids and my life so much that I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I'm scared that everyone is figuring out that I have a serious problem. I don't know who to trust with this or what to do. But I know I am now willing to do anything to never drink again. Any advice? I'm feeling very lost.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, ca3726.
I'm sorry to hear about that. One thing I discovered is that cutting back didn't work—it just made me more miserable, trying to control it, and of course often failing and waking up to those waves of regret.
I found there was no middle ground. No way to be "less addicted." I was either drinking or I wasn't—the amount and frequency didn't matter. I had to make a clean break, once and for all.
Trust yourself. Look around SR and elsewhere—there are a variety of options. AA, SMART, LifeRing—many ways to go. I relied mainly on SR to quit at first, then adopted a technique called AVRT to cement my recovery. We have discussions about that in the Secular Connections forum of SR. There are many options, and you will meet advocates of them all here—the key is to find the right one for you.
That's the most important thing—you're half way there already.
Not at all. Looks to me like you're headed in the right direction—just keep moving forward and don't let any doubts get in your way. You can end the cycle, and you'll be really glad you did.
I'm sorry to hear about that. One thing I discovered is that cutting back didn't work—it just made me more miserable, trying to control it, and of course often failing and waking up to those waves of regret.
I found there was no middle ground. No way to be "less addicted." I was either drinking or I wasn't—the amount and frequency didn't matter. I had to make a clean break, once and for all.
I don't know who to trust with this or what to do.
But I know I am now willing to do anything to never drink again.
I'm feeling very lost.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Write a note to yourself on why you want to stop
Drinking. Keep a copy of the note with you and refer often to it as a reminder to stop drinking. What saved me was taking that 1st step of attending A AA meeting and introducing myself to others, and taking advice from someone there who had the sobriety and kind of life that I wanted to have. We are not alone! People there know exacty what it is like and what it takes to get sober and turn things around.
This may be our only chance we have to get sober, think of this as a moment of clarity. You can find a local AA meetig by goole searching AA and your city name. There are even phone meetings and on line meetings if you have no in person meetings nearby.
There are other recovery groups available as well but I have found AA to be the most accessible for me.
"It works if you work it"
Drinking. Keep a copy of the note with you and refer often to it as a reminder to stop drinking. What saved me was taking that 1st step of attending A AA meeting and introducing myself to others, and taking advice from someone there who had the sobriety and kind of life that I wanted to have. We are not alone! People there know exacty what it is like and what it takes to get sober and turn things around.
This may be our only chance we have to get sober, think of this as a moment of clarity. You can find a local AA meetig by goole searching AA and your city name. There are even phone meetings and on line meetings if you have no in person meetings nearby.
There are other recovery groups available as well but I have found AA to be the most accessible for me.
"It works if you work it"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,204
You might want to look into the various programs. AA is one, but if that isn't for you, there's others. Keep posting here. Join our class of September for tons and tons of support!!!! We will embrace you and encourage you day and night.
CA,
I agree with Sapling and sugarbear. I hit my physical, emotional, and spiritual bottom in July, and went to a counselor who immediately sent me to AA, said "... 90 meetings in 90 days...".
Well, today I'm on 43 days sober. Been to average of 1 meeting/day (some days 0, some days 2.) I could not do this on my own... I know that for sure!! It works if you work it! I was scared when I first went to AA, not knowing what to expect, but very quickly I felt welcomed and loved.
You can do this!!!
I agree with Sapling and sugarbear. I hit my physical, emotional, and spiritual bottom in July, and went to a counselor who immediately sent me to AA, said "... 90 meetings in 90 days...".
Well, today I'm on 43 days sober. Been to average of 1 meeting/day (some days 0, some days 2.) I could not do this on my own... I know that for sure!! It works if you work it! I was scared when I first went to AA, not knowing what to expect, but very quickly I felt welcomed and loved.
You can do this!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
That's committing yourself to it...Nice job on 43 days sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 58
Thank you all for your advice. I want to try AA again. I've been a few times but it didn't stick. And I just made an appt with a Dr. I'm going to ask her about getting rid of this migraine but I'm also going to be honest about my drinking. That is something I've never done so I'm very nervous. I did tell a counselor once about a year ago and she was supportive bur it didn't really help. I have to commit to sobriety completely before something really bad happens.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,204
Good job ca!!! Hope to see you in our September thread. We happen to be an awesome group and you'd only add more fun! Lots of us have kids too, so we know about that part of it. Hang in there. Better times are waiting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Thank you all for your advice. I want to try AA again. I've been a few times but it didn't stick. And I just made an appt with a Dr. I'm going to ask her about getting rid of this migraine but I'm also going to be honest about my drinking. That is something I've never done so I'm very nervous. I did tell a counselor once about a year ago and she was supportive bur it didn't really help. I have to commit to sobriety completely before something really bad happens.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 58
I'm going to be honest. I need help. Everyone around me either thinks my drinking isn't a big deal, or they don't know because I hide it. My sister who is my best friend in the world thinks I should be able to control it and drink normally, but I can't. My kids hate it when I drink. I know I can do this. I just need a little help. You guys have already made me feel better. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Hitting bottom is when things get worse faster than you can lower your standards. Everyone's bottom can hit at a different time. You don't have to get any lower than this. SR is wonderful - I can honestly say that this has been my greatest resource and I have been sober for over a week for the first time in about four years (and the only reason I was sober then was because I was pregnant).
You can do this!
You can do this!
Welcome back ca
some great advice here - I know it's scary but remember you can stop the slide.
We get out of our recovery what we put into it.
The more effort you put in to staying sober the safer you'll be, and hopefully feel, too
D
some great advice here - I know it's scary but remember you can stop the slide.
We get out of our recovery what we put into it.
The more effort you put in to staying sober the safer you'll be, and hopefully feel, too
D
Proud of you, ca - for owning up to what's going on and wanting to fix it. You'll avoid so much misery and chaos by kicking that stuff out of your life. It doesn't sound like it's the least bit fun for you anymore. It's become dangerous and unpredictable.
We know you can get sober and have a great life, free from all that drama. Keep talking to us.
We know you can get sober and have a great life, free from all that drama. Keep talking to us.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Reach out for some help, emergency help/intervention if need be. That's what I had to resort to at times because I couldn't seem to trust my own actions and I was frankly scared. It does get easier to manage these episodes after awhile and to discern what triggers them off.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)