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Nervous....

Old 09-12-2012, 07:15 AM
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Nervous....

So as I have stated in the past, my husband travels for work. I maintain sobriety while he is gone, which is one to three, sometimes 5 days a week. The problem is when he comes home. While I can breathe a sigh of relief that he makes it home ok, that is too when my sobriety fiaulters. Mainly because I know that he is present and capable of taking care of us if someone were to try to break in the house.... ( we had an attempted intruder a couple of years ago... Call is PTSD? I don't know) anyways, I find it much easier to have my routine when he is gone and then when he comes home it all falls to sh*t! I was excited he was to be gone all week this week, and he just dropped it on me that he's coming home late tonight, because the other job this week got post poned--- this crap happens all the time and it sincerely drives me crazy!!!!! I'm nervous about this weeknd and need some. Ore tools in my little toolbox. He doesn't want me to go to aa, but he also doesn't want me to get trashed all the time. I want sobriety and am willing to do what I need to do, so I guess I just answered my own question/concerns. Thanks for reading and appreciate any feedback!
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:30 AM
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Why does he not want you to go to AA? He doesn't have the right to tell you what you can and can't do when it comes to your recovery. If you want to go to AA, then go. He'll just have to deal with it.
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:31 AM
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Why doesn't he want you to go to AA?

You don't absolutely have to use AA to be sober, but if you think it's what you need then I think you should most definitely give it a go, especially if you are struggling right now. Is there any way you can get him to agree?

Have you checked out alternative methods?
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Why does he not want you to go to AA? He doesn't have the right to tell you what you can and can't do when it comes to your recovery. If you want to go to AA, then go. He'll just have to deal with it.


I agree with this...And hang around here Chardonnay....You'll be alright.
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:39 AM
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I wish I knew why he doesn't want me to. Can't ever really give me a straight answer and since he is kind of closed minded, he runs at the spirituality aspect. I'm really working on balance. Being watchful of my emotions and trying to remained centered. I do know in the past that when I have attempted sobriety I have been a nagging b****y wife. I get it, I own it. This time I am trying very hard to approach it as a gift. Because really, it is the best we can give ourselves!
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:41 AM
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It is a gift...It's the best gift you can give yourself....I know it was for me...It saved my life and nobody was going to tell me I couldn't have it....Nobody.
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:47 AM
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Sorry, but he has no right to tell you not to go to AA, or do spiritual things or not. JMO. There's other programs, try the secular connections board for them. But still. I think you have to be firm and tell him if you want to do it, that he doesn't have to agree, but he does need to respect your choice.
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:15 PM
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He doesn't dictate me going or not going.... Or at least in the sense of a true dictatorship, lol. I'm an alcoholic. I manipulate the situation to feed my addiction. If I see an out, or have one handed to me, I take it. He gave me those outs, because of my own actions. At least up until Sunday that was the case. I need to plant my feet firmly in the position I want to be in and stick with it. He will respect my choice, and isn't it less talk more action? Well that's what I need to prove. He came home tonight and I had been busy with the kids and cleaning and really getting things done. I had one trigger tonight (aside from him being home) and I breathed through it, showered and am snuggling in my room reading sr. Today is a good day! Thanks for your input everyone! I mean it! Night night!
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:30 PM
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Does your husband drink? Is it something you do together? I used to feel more in "control" when I was home alone. It was easy to over drink when he was home, as he'd take care of the dogs, locking the house up etc. - so unfair to him I asked him to not drink when I first stopped and he agreed. I'd feel fine with him drinking now, but he hasn't resumed and says he doesn't miss it.
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:35 PM
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He really doesn't drink. Hell drink occasionally, but most never in the house. He doesn't want our kids to see him hammered. Me? I always cared but played it off..... Ha! Now my son is in the dare program at school..... Can't wait to hear the lectures from that. I'll deal with that when the time comes. Anyways, I just don't think husband wants to do the work that will be required as far as support. I have been in aa before and I believe he started to get jealous. Well, slow and steady will win this race and I will be sure not put him down or put him on the back burner. Like I said before.... I'm trying my hardest to remain centered.
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Old 09-12-2012, 10:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Chardonnay740 View Post
I have been in aa before and I believe he started to get jealous.
Can you see the insanity of having something like that standing in the way of you getting sober? Seriously.
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Old 09-12-2012, 10:52 PM
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Don't you draw strength just from posting here Chardonnay? Don't let your husband take you off your game. Just focus on yourself, your kids and all the people rooting for you here.
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
Can you see the insanity of having something like that standing in the way of you getting sober? Seriously.
Yes, looking back on it I can see that. I either was too blind to see it before or just chose to choose the path of least resistance. Looking forward, I can also see that. I said I am trying to remain centered. I do believe that will make a huge difference. When I was there before, I put nearly all. Y energy into the program, but was very frustrated because I didn't know how to work it. I have read and retread and retread the bb, 12&12,24 hours a day and still struggled, so when I did have down time at home, I was a nagging b!!!!! I recognize it, I know that it's mostly in turn to being frustrated with everything. I felt like I made the choice before for someone else. Today I make this choice for me. There is a huge difference.

Mirror, yes I totally agree. And again thats why i am choosing to be aware of myself, wanting and trying to remain centered. Actions will be the ultimate proof. He isn't standing in the doorway stopping me from getting better, I don't want to portray that of him. He just doesn't know how to be supportive the way I thought he should. It's not going to matter right now. Drinking is a symptom of a bigger problem, so let's get working on it. Yes most of the time I do draw strength. And also when I can gain the momentum of more days, I will feel that much stronger too.

Thanks again
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Chardonnay740 View Post
When I was there before, I put nearly all. Y energy into the program, but was very frustrated because I didn't know how to work it. I have read and retread and retread the bb, 12&12,24 hours a day and still struggled,
Did you ever find a women that had done the steps to take you through them?....A sponsor?
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:47 AM
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I love that prayer you have as your signature Chardonnay...It's what kept me sober early on....Look closely what the words mean.
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:53 AM
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I'm working on finding one sap. To really evaluate someone that I want to share this and have what they have. Thank you for the suggestion, but in the past, I jumped into finding one and it didn't work out. Both of us to blame. And yes, every time I recite the prayer, I think about all of the areas in life that this applies.
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Old 09-13-2012, 05:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Chardonnay740 View Post
I'm working on finding one sap. To really evaluate someone that I want to share this and have what they have.
I asked my Higher Power for help with that....Once I took it out of my hands I was fine.
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:07 PM
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It's the easier, softer way lfh.
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:24 PM
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Actions will be the ultimate proof.


D
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