Sapling

For me it was overwhelming....But I was desperate...Honestly....It took me about 30 days going to the same meeting 7 days a week before they got to know me and I got to know them. Now they are like family....One I can't live without.

ReadyAndAble

It's not creepy, Klia, it's just not your cup of tea.

AVRT welcomes loners. We don't sing and we don't hold hands. We we do plenty of other strange stuff—all this weird talk of Beasts and such.

Any approach will probably require pushing outside of your comfort zone, at least in the beginning. Beats being an addict, ya know?

awuh1

I don’t think all people who ”refuse AA” are the same, so their stance could be due to many different reasons. If you are uncomfortable with meetings due to anxiety brought on by strangers, then one approach might be to go to a very small meetings and get to know the folks there (a local AA office might be able to guide you to such a meeting).

There are lots of alternatives as people have already pointed out. Best of luck

Sapling

I've never sung in an AA meeting and if you don't want to stay for a prayer at the end of the meeting don't...A lot of people leave before it.

Zee

I don't use a particular programme for my recovery. I use SR. Thats worked for me so far. I'm halfway through Allen Carrs book (its in the toilet, so I pick it up every day! ) I read posts about all kinds of methods. My method is mainly knowledge, and pinpointing rationally what triggers a craving or what triggers a panic attack. Maybe I subconsiously work some steps in my own way, like powerlessness & acceptence, and use certain tools and rational thought to keep life more manageable. Different strokes for different folks, whatever makes you happyyyeeeeeee!

Mizzuno

Klia
Find a recovery method that works for you and run with it. For some its AA or AVRT and then there is smart. Some people are going to tell you that their way is the only way. I think it is important for you to find a approach that works for you and stick with it. This isn't one size fits all. Imo.

2granddaughters

Being in a room full of strangers does not make them strange.

Find out what they were reciting ... it may just save your life.

All the best.

Bob R

PaperDolls

I can't speak for anyone but myself - I think both applied. I'm stubborn and I wasn't ready to quit. When I got to the point that I was ready to quit, I wasn't ready to do the work on myself that AA suggests (by working the steps).

I finally gave in because I was just plain worn out. Today, I enjoy it.

It's pretty common for someone not to want to go to AA for a number of reasons, including the anxiety of it all. Being around that many people. Speaking in front of a group, which you don't have to do by the way.

At any rate, just know that how you're feeling is common for most people checking out their first AA meetings. I would suggest trying several meetings before you decide you hate it.

In the meantime, as other's have mentioned there are lots of other ways to recovery. Take a look at the secular recovery section.

Welcome to SR!

silly

AA is not the only option. It's just not. I think AA is wonderful, powerful and useful for many people. I've met the best people ever through AA.
But I also want to scream when I hear someone say that a person cannot get sober without it. It's like saying a person can only get physically fit by swimming and that running will never do it.
The truth is that you MUST do what needs to be done to get and stay sober. That could be AA,it could be an addiction specialist, rational recovery, AVRT.. Just as we did the work to drink and get high, we have to put in the work to end our misery.

onlythetruth

Exactly. That's an excellent analogy. There is no "wrong" way to quit an addiction; different things help different people.

And I know that folks are just sick to death of hearing this from ol' OTT, but the single hardest, most painful part of my own recovery was trying to make myself fit into a program that was wrong for me based on the idea that there was only one right way to get sober.

I never, ever want to see that happen to another person. You do NOT need to go to AA. And you don't need to go to SMART, either, just because that's the program I like. It may be scary to think that there's no right answer to the puzzle of addiction but...that's the truth!

sugarbear1

People in The Oxford Group also recovered from alcoholism 100 years prior to AA's inception.

They are remarkably close in their intent and actions.

The problems with The Oxford Group can be summarized by the 12 Traditions of AA, in a sense.

Bill learned the pitfalls of what can happen to a group, so the 12 Traditions arose out of the fallibility of The Oxford Group (and with some help from J.D. Rockefeller when Bill wanted to borrow a large sum of money to get AA more "established").

Religion helped many, also, prior to AA.

AA is not the only way nor does it have a monopoly on staying sober. It's more successful for those who have no other decision to make other than to die an alcoholic death or to establish a spiritual way of life.

For me, that WAS a very difficult decision to make. I was hopeless and desperate.

I didn't want to be an alcoholic, nor did I want what AA had to offer, but I was at a seriously horrible place.

Some decision, huh? No, I didn't believe it was a choice, there were only two alternatives for me, I had tried other things and they hadn't helped me. Three is a choice, two is a decision.

I chose a spiritual way of life. I am forever grateful for this, too!

Thank goodness AA isn't the ONLY way, either! Others have used non-AA programs and have had as much success as AA has.

I don't believe there are any accurate statistics. Most alcoholics lie to their doctors, counselors, therapists, psychologists and even to psychiatrists and to loved ones.

The bottom line is that more alcoholics die drunk than sober. Now that is a real statistic.

I'm dying sober.

Sapling

That's not true about the Oxford Group....I did some research on these guys when I got into AA...I wanted to know everything.

The Oxford Group was a Christian organization founded by American Christian missionary Dr. Frank Buchman. Buchman was an American Lutheran minister of Swiss descent who in 1908 had a conversion experience in a chapel in Keswick, England and as a result of that experience he would later found a movement called A First Century Christian Fellowship in 1921, that eventually became known as the Oxford Group by 1931. The Oxford Group enjoyed wide popularity and success, particularly in the 1930s.

Source Wikipedia

sugarbear1

I believe I meant The Washingtonians, not The Oxford Group.

Just proves that at a few days shy of 16 months, my brain is STILL healing (or I'm getting really old or something!)

Sapling

Gotcha...I forgive ya!....Congrats on 16 months SB!!....Awesome!!

youbetcha

I'm not familiar w/all these other forms of recovery mentioned, sounds like a bunch of head games to me. I surrender, and that works just fine.

Dee74

It's best if we stick to our own experience in threads like these rather than speculating on other people's experiences.

Please remember our Newcomers Forum guideline:

thanks

D

Klia

thanks for all the warming advice. I don't think i'm ready to quit. I 've been ready to get ready for four years. Maybe i'm just raining on everyones parade by being here.

Sapling

Not at all...I had to be ready to do it....Do yourself a favor though....Don't take as much of a beating as I did to get there....I cut it pretty close...Life that is.

LosingmyMisery

For me, in the beginning, the entire AA experience was awkward and uncomfortable, as well. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to go. However, I wanted, needed, to get sober and couldn't do it on my own. I had never heard of any alternative programs. Even if I had, they weren't available in my area. I had to get past my likes, dislikes, my discomfort and focus on my needs. I desperately needed to get sober and was willing to tough it out and give the only means I had available a shot. It was no picnic, but I benefited greatly in the end. I think we need to pursue anything to the end to truly understand it. Even though it may make little sense in the beginning. Most stories have a beginning, middle and end. Most likely, wouldn't make much sense one without the other.

It often appears statements about sobriety are made with such a blase, nonchalant manner that I am stymied and mystified by it all. I didn't have many options and left to my own accord, I would have drank myself to death. The entire "build your own" program to suit ones likes and dislikes is something I can't relate to. I tried that for years and failed miserably. What will work, I would say, depends on the individual and what stage/progression they are within their addiction, and of course, the willingness and desire to quit.

After a few years of sobriety, I am now more educated in alternative programs and don't believe there is only one way, or a better way, to get sober. However, for myself, there was only one way. The only way I heard of and the only way available. Sometimes, if you want something badly enough, you suck if up and do what you've got to do. Whether you like it or not. I know...how that sounds, harsh perhaps, but in my opinion, choices need to be made and adhered to. One can't keep changing directions because something is found to be unappealing. Of course the reality is you really can keep changing directions, but in the end, you may be just spinning your wheels wasting valuable time. I believe in taking action. If you don't, a lot can happen between drinking, trying to quit drinking, sober a few days, and complete sobriety. Often times, what happens in between can be devastating. That is why I believe in taking action and don't delay the endless possibilities of a better life, sober. If nothing changes, or half efforts are taken, the complete unexpected can happen in one drunken escapade causing irreparable damage.

My journey in AA wasn't pleasant, but I learned a lot about myself, how to live sober, making me a better person. I never could have imagined it in a million years. I had little faith in the program. As I already mentioned, didn't like it, and truly didn't think it would work for me, yet it did. For that, I am grateful for all the irritations that lead me to my sobriety. All those annoyances and irritants got me to pondering and searching, searching to become a better person. In retrospect, I am a richer person for having the willingness to strive and venture forward through my discomfort and apprehension. I would advise anyone who is apprehensive to push through. No matter what the program may be. The results may be a very unexpected, yet pleasant surprise. Mostly, don't let the excuse of "I don't like it, it doesn't suit me" postpone your sobriety. I see many get stuck in that cycle that can carry on far to long, sometimes years. Explore your options and take actions. Life can only get better through sobriety, but it can get worse from drinking. Which would you rather choose?

Dee74

I used to say I wasn't ready to quit either....I drank away all I cared for, all I held dear, and I nearly drank myself into the ground.

It doesn't have to be that way - I realise that now.
We can decide when the madness ends.

Obviously a part of you wants to quit or you wouldn't be here on SR.
I know thinking of quitting is scary - terrifying even - but you're not alone here

Why not stick around?

D