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Day 1

Old 09-11-2012, 10:21 AM
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Day 1

Hi all,
My name is Israel, I'm 21 and after reading numerous stories and realizing that I'm not alone with my addiction, I took the step to register and decided to start writing blogs about my recovery.
Let me say that I have never done this before.
My addiction started when I was about 16-17 during high school.

Although I rarely used at all during that time, it was a path that I was going to become very familiar with.
My addiction was out of control by the time I turned 18. I was smoking marijuana every day and hanging out all night getting high with my usual smoke buddies. It was simply wake up and bake up until you passed out during the late night or morning in some cases.
My addiction hit new heights after my parents were going through divorce talks (never eventuated). I was out basically 24/7 and didn't want anything to do with my parents at the time.
As time went on and things worked out with my parents, I stopped using marijuana for a short period but I found a new substitute in "synthetic" marijuana. "**** herbal Incense" is the brand name and it quickly became an obsession. I was smoking it a lot more than marijuana and the mental/physical effect still haunt me today.
My life before my addiction become a long lost distant memory. I played semi-professional soccer and had dreams of playing professional only to be weak enough and give it up. I lost numerous friends from a result of my habit and most importantly, I become so far-fetched with my parents that we didn't even talk because we would just fight. Things improved over time as I controlled my addiction on some levels but on a personal level, I felt as if [spice] was my heroin. I could not get enough of it.
I've lost more then just friends and money.
Ultimately, I'm forcing myself to give up my addiction and to start living a life I once had.
I'm sick of feeling empty and lost. I feel so guilty and ashamed that I can't live with myself anymore, I can't keep going on like this. This isn't who I am.
I appreciate anyone you took the time to read this.
I can't express how good it feels to vent.
It's only Day 1 but I have a burning desire to return to what I once worked so hard for.

Last edited by Dee74; 09-11-2012 at 04:02 PM. Reason: brand name not necessary
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Old 09-11-2012, 12:31 PM
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welcome Snowy. I've never tried any of these new synthetic drugs (thankfully), but know what it feels like to hit bottom. You're in the right place.

It is definitely harder to attempt this alone. Do you have a support system? NA/AA? Some other recovery group?

Also, posting a lot here will help. There are several forums, some for newcomers, some for NA. Just keep reaching out and asking for help.
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Old 09-11-2012, 01:34 PM
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Hey Israel,
Good luck with it .

Bestwishes, M
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Old 09-11-2012, 01:38 PM
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Welcome to the family. I felt much better when I came here - I had no one to talk to about my problems with alcohol. Everyone I knew was a social drinker. It's a huge comfort to be among those who understand and care. Glad you are here!
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Old 09-11-2012, 02:02 PM
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Welcome. You are in the right place.

When I went through withdrawals from oxycodone, I found this board and the support so helpful in overcoming the withdrawals. You can make it and everyone here is cheering for you.

Chrisy
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Old 09-11-2012, 02:17 PM
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((Snowy)) - Welcome to SR!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 09-11-2012, 02:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Welcome to the family. I felt much better when I came here - I had no one to talk to about my problems with alcohol. Everyone I knew was a social drinker. It's a huge comfort to be among those who understand and care. Glad you are here!
I agree with this! I have no one to talk about this with in "real" life so having SR has been a Godsend.

Today is my Day One as well...for the second time. I will NOT go back. You can do this, have faith! It's not easy, but just take it one breath at a time as I like to say because...it really is that way for me.
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Old 09-11-2012, 04:03 PM
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Welcome to SR Snowy

I found the support really helped - it was great not to feel so alone.
You'll find a lot of support and advice here.

D
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Old 09-11-2012, 04:10 PM
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Welcome to the forum Snowy, you'll find plenty of support here!
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Old 09-11-2012, 04:21 PM
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glad you are here!
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