New to recovery - I've failed already.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 35
New to recovery - I've failed already.
Hi everyone. My name is Mike, and I am 30 years old.
I joined this forum because I think I'm an alcoholic. I say 'I think', because deep down inside I know I am, but I cannot get the words 'I am an alcoholic' to pass through my lips. So I am in denial about it.
For my it all started when I was 16; it started getting worst when I was 18, and hit a plateau when I was in college. I didn't do the whole frat house thing, but me and some buddies would drink in our apartment.
I guess I am what you can call a high-functional alcoholic. I'd set my class schedule around drinking. I did my homework while drinking. While I was a heavy drinker I still managed to pull of good grades and hold down a job. I graduated magna *** laude. After college the drinking continued, and I still managed to hold down a job, so I didn't think I had a problem, only because I didn't fit into the whole 'alcoholic stereotype'.
But I joined this forum today because I'd like to quit drinking. I recently began attending support groups, but when the meetings are over I still have the urge to drink. My hands shake; my heart races. I get irritable, and taking a drink makes everything feel much better. I'd never thought I'd admit that I'm dependent on drinking.
My question to the forum members is this:
Anyone who has been a newcomer to a support group, regardless or methodology of support, how does it help the cravings to going back to drinking?
For me, if I want something I want it right away. Sadly as it seems with alcohol, it's not that easy. I'm wanting to be sober, but I have failed since deciding to become sober. I've fallen off the wagon since dedicating myself to sober living. It's been four days since I decided to give it up. And three of those days I decided to drank.
The cravings are horrible. It sucks. I've never harmed anyone physically because of the irritability, but I don't like the place I am in right now.
Thanks.
Mike
I joined this forum because I think I'm an alcoholic. I say 'I think', because deep down inside I know I am, but I cannot get the words 'I am an alcoholic' to pass through my lips. So I am in denial about it.
For my it all started when I was 16; it started getting worst when I was 18, and hit a plateau when I was in college. I didn't do the whole frat house thing, but me and some buddies would drink in our apartment.
I guess I am what you can call a high-functional alcoholic. I'd set my class schedule around drinking. I did my homework while drinking. While I was a heavy drinker I still managed to pull of good grades and hold down a job. I graduated magna *** laude. After college the drinking continued, and I still managed to hold down a job, so I didn't think I had a problem, only because I didn't fit into the whole 'alcoholic stereotype'.
But I joined this forum today because I'd like to quit drinking. I recently began attending support groups, but when the meetings are over I still have the urge to drink. My hands shake; my heart races. I get irritable, and taking a drink makes everything feel much better. I'd never thought I'd admit that I'm dependent on drinking.
My question to the forum members is this:
Anyone who has been a newcomer to a support group, regardless or methodology of support, how does it help the cravings to going back to drinking?
For me, if I want something I want it right away. Sadly as it seems with alcohol, it's not that easy. I'm wanting to be sober, but I have failed since deciding to become sober. I've fallen off the wagon since dedicating myself to sober living. It's been four days since I decided to give it up. And three of those days I decided to drank.
The cravings are horrible. It sucks. I've never harmed anyone physically because of the irritability, but I don't like the place I am in right now.
Thanks.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Hi Mike.
Don't worry too much about getting "I am an alcoholic" through your lips. It doesn't matter what you are... wanting to be sober is the most important thing.
All I can say with regards to the cravings is that if you give yourself enough sober time, they will go away. I can't remember exactly when it was for me, but I no longer crave alcohol at all and never want to drink. I'm five months sober and that's been going on for a while so I'd say it was about 3 months into it.
One way that really helps for dealing with cravings is recognising that these are addictive thoughts and not your own thoughts... they are the voice of addiction and have no power over you if you decide not to let them. You are in control of your body, not it. Cravings are not commands - you don't have to act upon them. AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) allowed me to come to this understanding. There's a crash course online if you want to take a look at it.
You CAN be sober, Mike. You just have to stop drinking, that's all it takes. A commitment from you to be sober and to let nothing change your mind about that.
Wishing you all the best.
Don't worry too much about getting "I am an alcoholic" through your lips. It doesn't matter what you are... wanting to be sober is the most important thing.
All I can say with regards to the cravings is that if you give yourself enough sober time, they will go away. I can't remember exactly when it was for me, but I no longer crave alcohol at all and never want to drink. I'm five months sober and that's been going on for a while so I'd say it was about 3 months into it.
One way that really helps for dealing with cravings is recognising that these are addictive thoughts and not your own thoughts... they are the voice of addiction and have no power over you if you decide not to let them. You are in control of your body, not it. Cravings are not commands - you don't have to act upon them. AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) allowed me to come to this understanding. There's a crash course online if you want to take a look at it.
You CAN be sober, Mike. You just have to stop drinking, that's all it takes. A commitment from you to be sober and to let nothing change your mind about that.
Wishing you all the best.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Being a member here gave me somewhere safe to go instead of drinking. I'd come here and post and read and it would give me the courage to not drink. I realize the forum isn't face to face support, but it is available all day and night if I need it.
Welcome to the family!
Welcome to the family!
One Foot in Front of the Other
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
What least said. I've promised myself that if I ever want to pick up a drink, I'll come here and post first. Plus the relationships I'm building here make me accountable to someone other than myself.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Dear Mike,
sorry that you are struggling - this is a good place to be though with lovely people full of good tips and coping techniques to share.
Have you thought of seeing your doctor? They could support your physical symptoms I'm sure.
Take care and look after yourself.
sorry that you are struggling - this is a good place to be though with lovely people full of good tips and coping techniques to share.
Have you thought of seeing your doctor? They could support your physical symptoms I'm sure.
Take care and look after yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Mike
I was irritable as hell when I quit. It does pass though, and probably sooner than you think. Please don't think of yourself as a failure either. Most of us have false starts. Personally I couldn't get past day one or two for 3 years. What changed was I found support (SR) and I finally made a definite commitment to quitting. I think before I still had thoughts that I could moderate. Like MrsKing, AVRT was essential to me. It seems so obvious now but the whole addictive voice thing was a revelation to me.
Regarding cravings, when I finally got some support through the NHS I was offered campral which is supposed to make cravings more tolerable, but I turned it down because I knew that my cravings were mental rather than physical. It was my thought processes that were making me want to drink. Conditioned responses and things like that. It has all become easier with time, but when I do get a craving I can usually find a cause for it which makes it less alarming.
If you are only a few days sober and experiencing irritability, shaking hands etc this sounds like withdrawal rather than cravings, and it would be worth talking to your doctor about this.
Glad you're here x
I was irritable as hell when I quit. It does pass though, and probably sooner than you think. Please don't think of yourself as a failure either. Most of us have false starts. Personally I couldn't get past day one or two for 3 years. What changed was I found support (SR
) and I finally made a definite commitment to quitting. I think before I still had thoughts that I could moderate. Like MrsKing, AVRT was essential to me. It seems so obvious now but the whole addictive voice thing was a revelation to me.Regarding cravings, when I finally got some support through the NHS I was offered campral which is supposed to make cravings more tolerable, but I turned it down because I knew that my cravings were mental rather than physical. It was my thought processes that were making me want to drink. Conditioned responses and things like that. It has all become easier with time, but when I do get a craving I can usually find a cause for it which makes it less alarming.
If you are only a few days sober and experiencing irritability, shaking hands etc this sounds like withdrawal rather than cravings, and it would be worth talking to your doctor about this.
Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I don't know what you mean by "support group".....
I found sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
All the best.
Bob R
I found sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
All the best.
Bob R
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi Mike - welcome
There's some great advice here
Cravings are hard, but they're not impossible. The more I dealt with cravings and got through them the less impact the next one had on me.
The only support experience I have is SR but the support I found here really helped me get through those tough times.
Good to have you join us
D
There's some great advice here
Cravings are hard, but they're not impossible. The more I dealt with cravings and got through them the less impact the next one had on me.
The only support experience I have is SR but the support I found here really helped me get through those tough times.
Good to have you join us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 35
Thank you for the welcomes and support, guys!
MrsKing, thank you. The desire to be sober is more important that utter the words of what makes you want to be sober. And I'm going to have to google AVRT to look into it.
AA is the support group that I have joined. Since Thursday I've been to two meetings. I went to a closed meeting this morning and got warm welcomes and support from everyone in the group.
I went to the one on Thursday because I was invited to a party by some friends, knowing what I'd do at the party I went someplace else and spent time with sober people. I received a token from one of the members there, but I feel I let those who welcomed me down because I went out and drank on Friday, then on Saturday, and then on Sunday. Just guilt stricken by the whole thing.
I like how you guys mention posting here first when the cravings come on. I joined when I felt them come on. I will admit that after my post I went to the store to buy a case of beer, but want to hear something cool.
I came home and powered up my MP3s and the first song that came on was "One Day At A Time" by Joe Walsh. Out of all my songs that's the song I first heard. I ended up giving the case to my neighbor who's having a BBQ.
Recovery is a tough road, filled with sharp turns, steep hills and potholes, and I'm just a beat up car down that path that occasionally feels the need to pull over and submit to its conditions. But I'm trying to reach the end without stopping.
MrsKing, thank you. The desire to be sober is more important that utter the words of what makes you want to be sober. And I'm going to have to google AVRT to look into it.
AA is the support group that I have joined. Since Thursday I've been to two meetings. I went to a closed meeting this morning and got warm welcomes and support from everyone in the group.
I went to the one on Thursday because I was invited to a party by some friends, knowing what I'd do at the party I went someplace else and spent time with sober people. I received a token from one of the members there, but I feel I let those who welcomed me down because I went out and drank on Friday, then on Saturday, and then on Sunday. Just guilt stricken by the whole thing.
I like how you guys mention posting here first when the cravings come on. I joined when I felt them come on. I will admit that after my post I went to the store to buy a case of beer, but want to hear something cool.
I came home and powered up my MP3s and the first song that came on was "One Day At A Time" by Joe Walsh. Out of all my songs that's the song I first heard. I ended up giving the case to my neighbor who's having a BBQ.
Recovery is a tough road, filled with sharp turns, steep hills and potholes, and I'm just a beat up car down that path that occasionally feels the need to pull over and submit to its conditions. But I'm trying to reach the end without stopping.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi Mike. Glad to have you here with us!
I agree with the others - reading and posting here really helps calm your anxiety. I remember feeling so miserable and shaky - but I was always encouraged when I realized I wasn't alone anymore. It's hard in the beginning, but things won't stay the same - you'll be a little better each day. It gets easier as you go along - and you'll be filled with hope & encouragement as you get some sober time behind you.
I agree with the others - reading and posting here really helps calm your anxiety. I remember feeling so miserable and shaky - but I was always encouraged when I realized I wasn't alone anymore. It's hard in the beginning, but things won't stay the same - you'll be a little better each day. It gets easier as you go along - and you'll be filled with hope & encouragement as you get some sober time behind you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Cossie!
I don't think that song was an accident.... it's strange, but similar things happened to me and a lot of others here when we first got sober. So, let it encourage you.
Things really do get better. I wouldn't have believed it myself, but I went from 24/7 cravings to practically none at all (maybe a tiny desire every couple months, no big deal). There are so many ways to deal with cravings - eating helps as does reading here, figuring out what triggers you, urge surfing, distracting yourself - just try a little of everything and you'll figure out what works best for you.
I don't think that song was an accident.... it's strange, but similar things happened to me and a lot of others here when we first got sober. So, let it encourage you.
Things really do get better. I wouldn't have believed it myself, but I went from 24/7 cravings to practically none at all (maybe a tiny desire every couple months, no big deal). There are so many ways to deal with cravings - eating helps as does reading here, figuring out what triggers you, urge surfing, distracting yourself - just try a little of everything and you'll figure out what works best for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
Great work on giving away the beer Cossie, I was so happy to read that! SR was very essential to my early recovery, because it really does help to have a sense of community and support. There is so much shame associated with addiction. There is no shame in falling and trying again, as long as it takes. Keep going to meetings and reading here and building resolve.
And don't worry about labels. If you want to stop drinking, that's all you need to accept.
And don't worry about labels. If you want to stop drinking, that's all you need to accept.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
For me, if I want something I want it right away
Keep going and growing ..
Meeting makers make it.
Bring the body the mind will follow..
Just a couple things that are so true..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 83
I've been going to AA for the last couple weeks. I am now 18 days sober. I am the same age as you as well. One of the things I feared about AA was how uncomfortable it would be to walk in. I have found that it's actually a very inviting place that has one mission- that is to help me not drink. I was having a really bad day yesterday, I had been in the ER with my 1yr old and my grandfather had just been put back on chemo after supposedly beating his cancer a few months ago. All of the stress came to a head and I was craving a drink. I knew I didn't want to, but the craving was still there. I went to a meeting and getting the support and listening to others stories has a calming effect on me that is unbelievable.
Hope this helps.
Hope this helps.
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