Help, I hate this.
 

I had four days sober, and was on top of the world. I then drank for four days straight. I hate this feeling, so ashamed.

Why do you think you relapsed? What else could you try, so you don't have to feel this shame anymore?

I am a chronic relapser too...it is an awful feeling :( I am sure you will get great advice in a bit from those who put it down and never went back, just wanted to say I can totally relate.

I thought sice I got sober for four days I was not an alcoholic, wrong.

good to see you both back WWG and quit :)

WWG - I know you've been trying but I think we all need to face that point when we accept whatever we've been doing obviously isn't enough.

Maybe it's time to try something different - whether it's AA or some other group, seeing your Dr, or counselling, or even rehab?

D

I am in therapy, but scared of AA. I loved being sober, and waking up refreshed. I fell if I go to AA I can never drink again, even though I know I shouldn't.

Fear can be a powerful motivator for sure.
Try some logic instead maybe?

You know your drinking will get worse if you don't stop - you know you stand to lose everything you hold dear.

You've seen the success stories here - no one would stay in recovery if they felt they lost out on the deal :)

Forever was a terror for me too - but one day at a time, I could manage.
The important bit is to recommit to that vow - every day.

Eventually forever came to seem achievable to me :)

I hope you decide to give something else a go WWG - don't kid yourself it can't get worse.

D

You know...As strange as it may sound...I think a lot of people won't use AA because they have a fear that it will work....It was actually true for myself when I wasn't ready.....When I was done...I couldn't take it anymore...I was willing and ready to go to AA.

For the last 4 months I have attended group therapy (specifically related to dependency issues). The thing that struck me the most is the concept of surrender. You can keep fighting it, or you can surrender and figure out how to move forward. Having said that, I still struggle with the word "never", as in "never having a glass of wine again with dinner". For me personally, I quit using the word "never". I replaced it with "now". The further I get along (it hasn't been quite 5 months yet), the less I worry about "never" and the more I appreciate every morning that I wake up without a headache.

Right now I'm surrendering...I don't want what I had. I'm scared of the future, but I read here daily that the future can be very bright. I've read here a lot that you won't stop until you're ready. And only you can know that. I believe that is true as well. When I quit, I was ready. My way wasn't getting me anywhere. It's not all roses (yet) on this side either, but it's still a lot better than it was.

You can do this if you're ready!

WWG have you been absolutely honest with your therapist? What does your therapist say about you drinking in solitude for two hours every day before your wife and child come home? You said you are Catholic. I find that church really helps me tremendously. Just saying that I find a lot of therapy there too.

Quitforme- I hope you find what works. It's a good thing that you are here and reading...

WWG it may take some relapses for you to get to the place where you're ready to stop. You may get sick of feeling ashamed, and tired, and having headaches and decide it felt better when you didn't drink and make new choices. It's easier to say no when you feel like you're making a choice that you want. If you're focused on "never again" it's not what you want and it's overwhelming. There are so many feelings tied up in drinking issues. Sometimes it's easier to just pick the very basic "I want to feel and look better so I'm choosing not to drink" to start with, rather than analyzing it to death and beating yourself up. You can do it!!

I was a chronic relapser too and thought I was hopeless. But I didn't give up and kept on trying again. Eventually I got so sick of drinking that I was finally ready to quit - and I did.:) I'm going on three years now and really like my life.

I hope you soon find what works for you to stay sober.:hug:

I'd post this statement all over my house and in my car....remember it next time you have a desire to drink!!!!

What's done is done. Just don't stop trying!

WWG I'm sorry I have no wise words, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Please keep trying you can beat this,

x

WWG, Hi I know your're stuggling and I really feel for you.

I tried and failed may times, until the realisation finallyhit me that I cannot drink any more. I've tried it all, not drinking until after a certain time in the evening, only drinking at week ends, cutting down. it doesn't work, it's always the first drink that does the damage.

Falling down isn't failing, staying down is failing, but maybe now it's time you got a bit more help, the doctor may be able to give you something to help with your cravings or withdrawals. What is so scary about going to an A.A meeting? What have you got to lose? could you not just try one and see what you think? A.A meetings are full of people just like me and you, intelligent, hard working, decent people with an alcohol addiction. Just try one!

You are still young and every reason to do this, your wife, your family, you. Come on WWG, it's time to get real and start to turn your life around, it's not easy, but no pain, no gain.

This keeps me going and I read it every day and focus on one point each day.
****************

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my ‘luck’ as it comes. And fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways. I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. If anyone knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do-just for exercise. I will not show that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests; hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Thinking of you

big hugs

Gxx

Ooh, I had this... It's funny, I started off using AVRT because of my 'fear' of AA, but then later on I used what I learnt in AVRT to get me to my first AA meeting :)

I think it's important to point out though that you don't have to use AA. Maybe look into SMART? I have been using some CBT worksheets I got from my addiction counsellor and they work really well because you can't argue with them. It is all based on your own thoughts anyway so there is no outside challenges. It just really helped me to highlight where my thought processes were going wrong. If you're interested in that PM me and I'll send you a link :) Maybe you could show them to your therapist and see if they thought it'd be worth working through them x

Sorry you have been struggling and I hope you find the right help for you soon x

Thanks for all the responses. I talked to my wife after I posted this. The days I had sober last week were great, and I need to remember that. I want to be a better father and husband and I am back on day 1. So hard during football season as there is nothing I enjoy more than watching the game and drinking,sadly usually alone.

WWG, I'm sorry that you're finding this process difficult.

You say that after 4 days you thought you weren't an alcoholic any more so you could drink again. Those thoughts need to be totally scrapped. I think a good idea would be to prepare yourself NOW for when you get those thoughts in the next few days. Make a list, perhaps, of all the things you are thinking and feeling right now after drinking for four days to remind yourself of what it will feel like if you drink again.

It took me a long time to properly admit that the only option for me was to never drink again. It doesn't have to take a long time. You can make that decision right now.

Grace2.
Thank you for your post. I'm following it to a T today:)