Help, I hate this.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod 
I just hate talking in groups, and feel like everyone will be staring at me because I am a newbie.
I can tell by your username and your posts that your faith is very important to you, as well it should be. Maybe this is God providing you with a golden opportunity to live the life He created for you? Have you tried praying on this, asking Him how you should proceed?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
WWG... I am saying this with your interests in mind. You can come up with many, many, excuses not to go to AA.
What I read in your messages are reasons not to go to AA. Why not choose to look at this from a different perspective. How about considering all of the reasons to go to AA. Sounds like you have many positives in your life that you want to protect. AA can help with this.
Don't put obstacles in the way of sobriety.
Jim
What I read in your messages are reasons not to go to AA. Why not choose to look at this from a different perspective. How about considering all of the reasons to go to AA. Sounds like you have many positives in your life that you want to protect. AA can help with this.
Don't put obstacles in the way of sobriety.
Jim
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by soberjim
WWG... I am saying this with your interests in mind. You can come up with many, many, excuses not to go to AA.
What I read in your messages are reasons not to go to AA. Why not choose to look at this from a different perspective. How about considering all of the reasons to go to AA. Sounds like you have many positives in your life that you want to protect. AA can help with this.
Don't put obstacles in the way of sobriety.
Jim
What I read in your messages are reasons not to go to AA. Why not choose to look at this from a different perspective. How about considering all of the reasons to go to AA. Sounds like you have many positives in your life that you want to protect. AA can help with this.
Don't put obstacles in the way of sobriety.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
You have time to drink? You can google the AA book on line. Scared. I imagine every single person who has gone to AA was scared the first time. Can't see how they would'nt be.
For me. I may have to consider going to AA. Yes, I understand what you are saying all too well. Like you I have a great deal to lose. I am confused and unsure, taking one day at a time. But I will do whatever it takes not to continue drinking. You?
If I am not successful with using SR then I will consdier AA. I will not see it as admitting failure. I will only be a failure if I continue to drink.
Scared. Absolutely, but I know I have to stop drinking. As uncomforatable as that might be, it is more uncomfortable for me to continue to drink. That is what I am thinking WWG.
So you see. You are not alone. You are not the only one struggling with these thoughts. Keep posting!
Jim
For me. I may have to consider going to AA. Yes, I understand what you are saying all too well. Like you I have a great deal to lose. I am confused and unsure, taking one day at a time. But I will do whatever it takes not to continue drinking. You?
If I am not successful with using SR then I will consdier AA. I will not see it as admitting failure. I will only be a failure if I continue to drink.
Scared. Absolutely, but I know I have to stop drinking. As uncomforatable as that might be, it is more uncomfortable for me to continue to drink. That is what I am thinking WWG.
So you see. You are not alone. You are not the only one struggling with these thoughts. Keep posting!
Jim
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 289
Keep your head up WWG. I'm only on day 5, and I'm sure I'm not the best to give advice. Still struggling everyday myself. One thing I want to share with you. Every single time my mind goes to the thought that "I can never, ever drink again" that's when I crave it the most, & that's definitely the times I gave in. The one thing I am doing differently this time is saying to myself, "I am not going to drink TODAY." And with that, I beat my big record of 2 days. Today, day 5, I'm not going to drink. Today, your day 1, join me.
Keeping you in my thoughts...you can do this!
Keeping you in my thoughts...you can do this!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Fellow Pats fan here 
There are all kinds of programs out there, AA isn't the only one. Changing your mental pic may help, or trying online AA meetings may be an option. For me, I'm using SR as my plan and it's working very well so far. Each person has different needs...
There are all kinds of programs out there, AA isn't the only one. Changing your mental pic may help, or trying online AA meetings may be an option. For me, I'm using SR as my plan and it's working very well so far. Each person has different needs...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
I guess it really means I am an alcoholic, and I have lost control. I cannot get over the fact that all I picture at AA are bums and the lower class. I know this is nuts, but it is all I picture.
What we have in common? That we used to drink, and we wanted to stop. That's it!
I used to really fear stopping because it was admitting that I had a problem in the first place. But now I don't see that as a sign of weakness or pathology. I see it as a strength of understanding myself and my life. Lots of people make big changes to improve their lives. We have just Hollywooded the identity of "alcoholic". It's just a mythology, not truth.
Good luck, I know you can do this!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I feel for you, WWG - I know how crippling the fear is, and how long it took me to get to the point where I even "wanted to want to" quit drinking. Just allowing myself to consider the possibility was terrifying. I spent many nights drinking and lurking around SR, not imagining I'd ever get up the nerve to post. Eventually, the hope and inspiration here started to seep into my head and that was what first helped me challenge some of my fear.
When we get sober "in our head" it's a horrible scenario!.... our imagination pictures the absolute worse - it tells us we'll go crazy without alcohol. All those fears - of people knowing, of AA, of who we'll become, of failing - become huge in our minds, like the monster under the bed. We're just sure we're going to die if we get down on the floor and look, so we lay there knowing we shouldn't be afraid but unable to get rid of the sheer terror. That's what it felt like when I thought about getting sober.
I was even afraid to let go of the fear, thinking it protected me. But I kept reading the stories here and they didn't seem to fit my version of what sobriety would be like. Hmm.... I wonder why?
I know I'm getting long-winded here, but if you can begin to consider just the tiniest possibility that it's all in your head and you just might be wrong, you can a least challenge some of those fear thoughts. You're trying to take on every fear in the book, playing it out in your head and confronting it all at once. Then you wonder why you don't want to get sober....
Sobriety isn't like that - it's not about figuring it out ahead of time.... it's about working it out as you go. You start small and figure out how to stay sober for a minute and maybe you learn it wasn't so bad so you stay sober for another minute. Maybe you can't watch football in the first week.... so? Maybe you can have it playing in the background and just glance at it while you're reading SR. Or maybe that's too much - maybe all you can do (like me) is read SR, eat and flip channels.
You have to work with the fear. You have to take that scared little child in you by the hand and assure it that you're going to be there. You don't push it's head down and yell "LOOK UNDER THE BED" - you listen to the child's fears with compassion and understanding. Maybe you get them a glass of milk or distract them, but you do it gently. You can do the same with yourself. Respect your feelings and allow them to be there. You don't have to jump up and go to AA today or tell the whole world tomorrow. You only have to live this minute, that's all. But in this minute you can choose which of the thoughts running through your mind you will listen to. (Google "mindfulness" some time if you're interested in learning how to stay in the moment, work with your feelings, etc.)
Believe me, everything you're going through is a part of the process and part of addiction, including the paralyzing fear. We just want to tell you we've been there and found out there's no monster under the bed.
That's all... I hope that's at least a little reassuring. 
When we get sober "in our head" it's a horrible scenario!.... our imagination pictures the absolute worse - it tells us we'll go crazy without alcohol. All those fears - of people knowing, of AA, of who we'll become, of failing - become huge in our minds, like the monster under the bed. We're just sure we're going to die if we get down on the floor and look, so we lay there knowing we shouldn't be afraid but unable to get rid of the sheer terror. That's what it felt like when I thought about getting sober.
I was even afraid to let go of the fear, thinking it protected me. But I kept reading the stories here and they didn't seem to fit my version of what sobriety would be like. Hmm.... I wonder why?
I know I'm getting long-winded here, but if you can begin to consider just the tiniest possibility that it's all in your head and you just might be wrong, you can a least challenge some of those fear thoughts. You're trying to take on every fear in the book, playing it out in your head and confronting it all at once. Then you wonder why you don't want to get sober....
Sobriety isn't like that - it's not about figuring it out ahead of time.... it's about working it out as you go. You start small and figure out how to stay sober for a minute and maybe you learn it wasn't so bad so you stay sober for another minute. Maybe you can't watch football in the first week.... so? Maybe you can have it playing in the background and just glance at it while you're reading SR. Or maybe that's too much - maybe all you can do (like me) is read SR, eat and flip channels.
You have to work with the fear. You have to take that scared little child in you by the hand and assure it that you're going to be there. You don't push it's head down and yell "LOOK UNDER THE BED" - you listen to the child's fears with compassion and understanding. Maybe you get them a glass of milk or distract them, but you do it gently. You can do the same with yourself. Respect your feelings and allow them to be there. You don't have to jump up and go to AA today or tell the whole world tomorrow. You only have to live this minute, that's all. But in this minute you can choose which of the thoughts running through your mind you will listen to. (Google "mindfulness" some time if you're interested in learning how to stay in the moment, work with your feelings, etc.)
Believe me, everything you're going through is a part of the process and part of addiction, including the paralyzing fear. We just want to tell you we've been there and found out there's no monster under the bed.
That's all... I hope that's at least a little reassuring. Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
I love your monicer, WalkingWithGod.
When I came to sobriety - AVRT and SMART didn't exist, or at least I sure didn't know if they did. In any case, my concept just prior to calling AA was that an alcoholic lived on Skid Row, had a minimum 5 days of beard growth, smelled like the sewer he slept in and carried around a half empty bottle of the cheapest wine available. I most certainly wasn't that, ... ergo ... I wasn' an alcoholic.
Then I ended up in the tank after my second DUI in a week. Even though I still wasn't admitting to being an alcoholic, I called someone in AA. They took me to my first AA meeting. When I went through the doors my first thought, after wondering what these people with their hands out wanted, was OMG these people are well dressed, not even close to the picture in my mind so they're not alcoholics.
The simple fact, they were, so am I. I am because I can't stop drinking after the first one. I am because my drinking causes problems and my problems caused my drinking. It is, after all, only a word. To admit to it means that I can accept the rest.
I'm guessing that your screen name has some basis in fact for you. If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it ... if you let Him
When I came to sobriety - AVRT and SMART didn't exist, or at least I sure didn't know if they did. In any case, my concept just prior to calling AA was that an alcoholic lived on Skid Row, had a minimum 5 days of beard growth, smelled like the sewer he slept in and carried around a half empty bottle of the cheapest wine available. I most certainly wasn't that, ... ergo ... I wasn' an alcoholic.
Then I ended up in the tank after my second DUI in a week. Even though I still wasn't admitting to being an alcoholic, I called someone in AA. They took me to my first AA meeting. When I went through the doors my first thought, after wondering what these people with their hands out wanted, was OMG these people are well dressed, not even close to the picture in my mind so they're not alcoholics.
The simple fact, they were, so am I. I am because I can't stop drinking after the first one. I am because my drinking causes problems and my problems caused my drinking. It is, after all, only a word. To admit to it means that I can accept the rest.
I'm guessing that your screen name has some basis in fact for you. If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it ... if you let Him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by FredG
I love your monicer, WalkingWithGod.
When I came to sobriety - AVRT and SMART didn't exist, or at least I sure didn't know if they did. In any case, my concept just prior to calling AA was that an alcoholic lived on Skid Row, had a minimum 5 days of beard growth, smelled like the sewer he slept in and carried around a half empty bottle of the cheapest wine available. I most certainly wasn't that, ... ergo ... I wasn' an alcoholic.
Then I ended up in the tank after my second DUI in a week. Even though I still wasn't admitting to being an alcoholic, I called someone in AA. They took me to my first AA meeting. When I went through the doors my first thought, after wondering what these people with their hands out wanted, was OMG these people are well dressed, not even close to the picture in my mind so they're not alcoholics.
The simple fact, they were, so am I. I am because I can't stop drinking after the first one. I am because my drinking causes problems and my problems caused my drinking. It is, after all, only a word. To admit to it means that I can accept the rest.
I'm guessing that your screen name has some basis in fact for you. If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it ... if you let Him
When I came to sobriety - AVRT and SMART didn't exist, or at least I sure didn't know if they did. In any case, my concept just prior to calling AA was that an alcoholic lived on Skid Row, had a minimum 5 days of beard growth, smelled like the sewer he slept in and carried around a half empty bottle of the cheapest wine available. I most certainly wasn't that, ... ergo ... I wasn' an alcoholic.
Then I ended up in the tank after my second DUI in a week. Even though I still wasn't admitting to being an alcoholic, I called someone in AA. They took me to my first AA meeting. When I went through the doors my first thought, after wondering what these people with their hands out wanted, was OMG these people are well dressed, not even close to the picture in my mind so they're not alcoholics.
The simple fact, they were, so am I. I am because I can't stop drinking after the first one. I am because my drinking causes problems and my problems caused my drinking. It is, after all, only a word. To admit to it means that I can accept the rest.
I'm guessing that your screen name has some basis in fact for you. If God leads you to it, He'll lead you through it ... if you let Him
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,204
Jim, you didn't ask me, and I suck anyway! Lol but I really wish you the best. Can you go to the gym or for a walk or maybe watch a movie? Do you have a dog or cat you could brush or take for a walk or train a new trick? This is what I was going to try. Maybe you can cook an awesome dinner! Go buy the ingredients and make something you've never made before that's hard. Then relish every bite. Call a friend. All the stuff I should be doing.
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