I wish I was posting some good news :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Somewhere in Canada
Posts: 95
I wish I was posting some good news :(
As some of you may remember, I had posted here not too long ago with some awesome news. I had just found out I was pregnant, was sober and life was good. Sadly not too long after that post everything went down hill.
Last Saturday I went to the ER with horrible stomach cramps. They admitted me because my blood pressure was 200/120. All night they tried to get my blood pressure down with several meds which didn't help at all. The next morning I went in for an ultrasound and found out that I had an ectopic pregnancy (baby was growing in my fallopian tube instead of where it should be) that had burst and I was hemorrhaging inside. I was rushed into emergency surgery right away.
It is now starting to hit me. A week ago I was pregnant and happy and picking out baby names. Now there is no baby and a lot of pain from the surgery. I keep replaying in my head what I had done that week, if there is anything I could have done differently. Deep down inside I know this wasn't my fault and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it but I can't help feeling very sad and guilty. I've been so busy running around all week for checkups and blood pressure monitoring (it has only gone down a tiny bit so the doc wants to put me on medications to control it). Tonight I finally have time to sit. Have taken my pain pills for the night and a lot is going through my head. There is nothing that sounds better right now than getting drunk and making it all go away. Obviously drinking will not make it go away, the pain and sadness will still be here tomorrow but at the moment it feels like a pretty great solution.
Sorry for yapping your ears off, I am having a hard time discussing my feelings with people around me, where as typing it out makes me feel a bit better.
Last Saturday I went to the ER with horrible stomach cramps. They admitted me because my blood pressure was 200/120. All night they tried to get my blood pressure down with several meds which didn't help at all. The next morning I went in for an ultrasound and found out that I had an ectopic pregnancy (baby was growing in my fallopian tube instead of where it should be) that had burst and I was hemorrhaging inside. I was rushed into emergency surgery right away.
It is now starting to hit me. A week ago I was pregnant and happy and picking out baby names. Now there is no baby and a lot of pain from the surgery. I keep replaying in my head what I had done that week, if there is anything I could have done differently. Deep down inside I know this wasn't my fault and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it but I can't help feeling very sad and guilty. I've been so busy running around all week for checkups and blood pressure monitoring (it has only gone down a tiny bit so the doc wants to put me on medications to control it). Tonight I finally have time to sit. Have taken my pain pills for the night and a lot is going through my head. There is nothing that sounds better right now than getting drunk and making it all go away. Obviously drinking will not make it go away, the pain and sadness will still be here tomorrow but at the moment it feels like a pretty great solution.
Sorry for yapping your ears off, I am having a hard time discussing my feelings with people around me, where as typing it out makes me feel a bit better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: SE USA
Posts: 941
Chiyo - I am so sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages in my life and both were really hard. Drinking will not make the pain go away - nor will it make you feel any better -- time will however. Allow yourself to feel sad now, things will get better.
Take care, Panacea.
Take care, Panacea.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Chiyo,
I am so sorry, for your sad loss. I know personally how that feels, as I had an ectopic pregnancy, and at about 3 months my tube burst and I had the surgery as well. That is a tough surgery, and it is hard to get your strength back, on top of the sadness of the loss of your baby.
Hang in there, and take good care of yourself. Love yourself, and have faith that life will get better again. I am just so sorry. Get a lot of rest, and know that we care.
hugs ,
chicory
I am so sorry, for your sad loss. I know personally how that feels, as I had an ectopic pregnancy, and at about 3 months my tube burst and I had the surgery as well. That is a tough surgery, and it is hard to get your strength back, on top of the sadness of the loss of your baby.
Hang in there, and take good care of yourself. Love yourself, and have faith that life will get better again. I am just so sorry. Get a lot of rest, and know that we care.
hugs ,
chicory
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and don't make things worse by drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm so sorry for your loss Chiyo.
It can be a really seductive idea to drink the pain away, get some respite.
I'm not sure it works like that tho - not on the important things.
Sometimes we have terrible things happen to us - it's natural for us to feel pain sadness and shock from those events.
I'm not sure there's any amount of drinking that can salve that.
Drinking, at best, only delays and prolongs the pain anyway - and brings a load of other problems in its wake.
Please - reach out for support - you can get through this - stay true to yourself and what you've been trying to do.
D
It can be a really seductive idea to drink the pain away, get some respite.
I'm not sure it works like that tho - not on the important things.
Sometimes we have terrible things happen to us - it's natural for us to feel pain sadness and shock from those events.
I'm not sure there's any amount of drinking that can salve that.
Drinking, at best, only delays and prolongs the pain anyway - and brings a load of other problems in its wake.
Please - reach out for support - you can get through this - stay true to yourself and what you've been trying to do.
D
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I'm so sorry chiyo.. as I think you know, ectopic pregnancies aren't caused by anything that you could have done, not done, etc.. they happen, and it really sucks. Hugs sweetie.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
So sorry to hear this. I remember your other posts and it is obvious that you have had a rough couple of months. Enough good input has been provided about drinking and it is nothing that you do not already know so I am just sending prayers for peace and comfort.
I admire your courage and strength.
I admire your courage and strength.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Sweet chiyo, an ectopic pregnancy has nothing to do with anything other than nature, you had done nothing to make this happen. It just wasn't meant to be.
Stay sober through this and be a role model for another woman.
Big Hugs and Lots of Love,
Stay sober through this and be a role model for another woman.
Big Hugs and Lots of Love,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 259
I'm so sorry. I lost a baby to miscarriage in a pretty horrific way so I understand your pain. Feel the emotions because they won't magically disappear, even with booze. You wil be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Chiyo, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's normal to feel sad, upset, and angry and want those feelings to go away. Drinking won't change anything and would probably make you feel worse. I agree with Sugarbear, it's just nature and there's nothing you did to cause it, nor is there anything you can do to change it. Please know we're all thinking of you. I hope you are blessed with another pregnancy in the future so you can feel hopeful and excited again.
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