Curtis902

Hi everyone my name is Curtis, I am a addict. I am 22 years of age and have been using for 7 years. I've ran from my problems for too long and im sick of feeling the way i do when i wake up. always beating myself down. i been in detoxes 10+ times, rehab programs, home groups and several meetings and have the best intentions until i hit the real world and it all changes. I cant say no. I cant stop. HELP!

MrsKing

Welcome to SR, Curtis. This is a fantastic place I can't imagine support getting any better than what you find here.

You CAN stop and you CAN say no. There's a quote that I've seen posted here a few times (I can't remember who I first saw post it, sorry, but it's pretty well known anyway) - it goes something like "whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, you're probably right."

You don't have to wake up feeling that way any longer.

What is it that destroys your best intentions?

IndaMiricale

The full reality is YOU can stop, its up to YOU......

Your a chronic relapser, and intentions dont mean ****. We drunks and druggies always start everything with the best intentions.. And at your young age you already know the outcome..

I have no advice you probably havent heard.

Maybe you need to keep trying on that clown outfit till you finally just have had enough. You have to face the fact your addicted and people, places, and things obvisouly effect you.. So get your a** to a meeting , get honest , and get started on recovery..

Your to young to waste it like I did..

Curtis902

It seems like I cant bring myself to go to a meeting anymore. I WANT to. and know that will help me but its like i find every excuse not to. but if it was to meet a deal or go to the liqour store I would walk miles. i think what ruins my intentions is me justifying the fact thinking i can socially drink/use even though i KNOW the outcome everytime.

artsoul

Welcome Curtis -

That's the way I felt about drinking when I first came here - I made a million promises to myself and usually broke them the same day. I finally admitted I couldn't do it and reached out for help, like you're doing now.

I had a counselor in rehab that had been to treatment dozens of times.... he just never gave up. How much were you involved in long term recovery? I find that doing something every day (like coming here) really helps me stay motivated.

Keep posting and reading!

Curtis902

artsoul, thank you. I was in a 19 day rehab, fully committed and thought i had it by the ropes, but I stopped doing my work, didnt work the steps, stopped reading the books, didnt go to meetings. i guess i just dont know where to start again

IndaMiricale

Yea I would of walked over broken glass to get what I need before also..

But finally I just gave the other world a real try, and put every piece of me in it.. I mean everything.. Because what I wanted was to drink and drug, thats what I do. And have done for over 20 years..

Well I had to do so many things that arent natural for me, make myself go with sober people , not make excuses to leave ect..

You can be free it takes everything you got, the ball is in your court..

IndaMiricale

Start at everything you stopped go to meetings , get a sponsor , get a homegroup, work the steps, get active , be accountable...

MrsKing

This is DEFINITELY the most common reason posted on SR when people go back to using/drinking.

All those sorts of ideas need to be totally scrapped. When I admitted that I was never, ever, ever going to be able to drink like a normal drinker, things got much easier. Every time one of those sorts of thoughts came into my mind, I would remind myself what happened EVERY single time I acted upon it - I proved myself, yet again, to be completely unable to drink like a normal person. It's not possible and it never will be. I think understanding that is so important.

Michelle76

I am very early in my recovery, this is my first weekend sober in YEARS. What is working for me is accountability. Once I decided to quit, I told my family, but hid it from others because I felt ashamed of my "Defects" With each additional person who knew & each post I read, it gave me strength. None of us can do this alone. WE all need support & encouragement. It is not easy, but if I can get this far with my ugly reality, anyone can. Welcome, you have came to the right place!!!

Dee74

Hi Curtis - welcome

I think most of us can identify with yr situation, for sure...

Support was very useful to me, especially in those times when I began to convince myself I could drink socially again.

You'll find a lot of support here - are you interested in 'real life' support as well?
There are a number of non 12 step alternatives - like Rational Recovery, Smart or LifeRing for example - if you feel that may be more appropriate for you

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

D

wildone1984

im new to this just like curtis i cant stop i tried to stop taking pain pills about 2 months ago i only made it 2 weeks i have a job an the thing that scares me is being so tired an lazy an not being able to sleep how long will that last? an any suggestions?

Curtis902

I honestly didnt know there was anything like this online, There seems to be alot of helpful supportive people here thank you all. Alcohol was my main problem for years and i lost alot from it even at my age. I consider myself very mature for my age also but i never thought it could happen to me I guess growing up. My father was alcoholic and my mother was a user but it seems like i rely on alcohol for fun and to do everything normally. and when i drink i numb the conscience and dont care if I use, before my first beer/drink I can assure you I wont use but after a couple Im dialing numbers and always have that feeling like I NEED something, like im missing something. Im just so sick of it, Its like I work to use/ so in reality I work to beat myself down and I dont know how much more I can take..

auden67

It always helped me early on to remember that this didn't happen because I was a weak or bad, or because I drank X drinks X nights formula of problem drinking. It is because my brain was exposed and grown accustomed to too much alcohol and changed itself as a result. The result was addiction, and those results affected me negatively, so I needed to adapt to the new me. It was a lot easier to accept a lifetime of sobriety when I saw it like this. you aren't a bad or weak person. You just have to give way that alcohol has changed you, for the worse, and you need to move forward. You can do it!

Curtis902

It seems like everyone I surround myself with uses, which at my age isnt uncommon but I find myself getting caught up all the time.

Curtis902

It's hard to picture not using or drinking, seems like I based my life around it. And I know routine is one of the biggest parts of recovery, you need to change what you do and who your with if needed, and I had just moved here a year ago and dont have many friends/family here, but going to meetings would let me meet sober people, it all seems to come down to that.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Are you really ready to stay stopped or what? Make that decision then act on it!