Originally Posted by Michelle76

Being early in this process, I dont know how to deal with resentment... But I do know I am very resentful towards lots of people & circumstances. I am ready to learn a different skill other than being a pack mule, hauling all this resentment around with me, it is so heavy!!

Originally Posted by Dee74

I can't change anyone else, but I can change the way I react to things.
I learned to fix the things I can...the rest I had to learn to let go.

Lifes too short - and there's a lot of wonderful things and people who are far worthy worthy of my time and attention

Everyones a work in progress with this stuff JHE...I'm still working on it

I think you're doing great

D

Originally Posted by tomsteve

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships(including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up."

We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparentwas that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

read more in the big book of AA. it has worked great for me to see what made me tick.

Originally Posted by MrsKing

I had MANY resentments a few months back. Lots of really bad stuff happened on my wedding day and for a long time I could not forgive the people that caused it and felt as though they had 'destroyed my day'... blah, blah, blah.

It took me a while, but I've finally learned that nothing I can do will change what has happened. Nothing I can do will take back the things that were said and done. I have realised that I can choose to remember the best of certain times or the worst of certain times, and I know that choosing the worst results in anger and resentments, so why bother? It's hard to forgive and forget, but ultimately, that's the only way forward. We can't change the past but we can choose what we hold important in our past.

I hold pretty much no resentment right now towards anyone, and it's probably because I'm at peace with myself for the most part. And I've got to that point by acceptance... so in effect, acceptance of those I resented really came from acceptance of myself. Weird.

Originally Posted by justhadenough

Thanks Tomsteve. When you write down all your resentments do you find this healing process? By acknowledgment and awareness,does this lead to acceptance and peace. I've read p.552,as recommended above. By forgiving and wishing peace and happiness on people maybe it will lead to inner peace and no more resentments.

Sorry if I'm getting mixed up with it all.

Originally Posted by justhadenough

Thanks to you all. I started another thread this week about constant thoughts in my head. From reading all your posts it's become clear that the noise/thoughts are resentments/because of resentments-one leads to the other.When I learn to forgive and let go of the past,the thoughts reduce.Being sober lessens them too of course,but re-living/thinking about the past isn't just pointless-it can be pretty destructive too.

Just writing it on here and reading your responses helps immensely-

Originally Posted by MrsKing

You're right - it is very destructive. And the only person it is really destructive to is ourselves. The people who caused those resentments (for good reason or not) feel nothing from our anger. I like this Buddha quote - “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned.”

Originally Posted by Sapling

I've heard a lot of different ways that a resentment has been described....I always liked this one.

Having a resentment is like burning down your house to kill a mouse.

Have a great day justhadenough!