elihoping

Thought today would be a new start. Met my therapist. Went to a meeting. First time I had the nerve to speak at one. Went for coffee and cake after and then texted my therapist to let her know I'd attended a meeting. Then drank a bottle of wine. **** sake. When will I stop doing this? I felt so good walking home but my addict voice was in my ear, telling me it's ok to do one last night drinking because I'm about to give up. And I know I should be supportive of myself but how do I support myself when I keep doing the same ****? Ugh. So disgusted with myself right now. Although I am very grateful to have found this forum and found a place where people know where I'm coming from.

Dee74

I tried for 15 years eli.

I know about beating yourself up - but it solves nothing - and it only makes it easier to go out and get more booze.

whats done is done - and we've all done it

The trick is, I think, to keep adding new things - you say you've been to meetings - did you get any numbers from people there?

It might be beneficial to have numbers to call instead of getting that wine?

Have you thought of getting a sponsor and doing the steps?

Think about posting here before you drink too - you'd be amazed what a little support can do to change your mind

D

Weasel1966

Eli.... I was at an out patient rehab. I would do well all week and go to my meetings. Then on Saturday... A tough day for me to be sober... I was at family day and when we let out at noon I went right to the bar and drank all day sat and my day off Sunday.

I shut my mind down so I would not talk myself out of it.... Like there was a chance of that.

The point is that was a few years back. I am not saying that it will take you that long but I want to see you not beat yourself up. You are here and that's awesome. I never admitted to myself this was not ok.

You can do this... And stay sober. We all can. Keep posting and going to meeting. And therapist. You will get there!

Ken

pipparina

One of the first things suggested to me when I stopped drinking was to get all alcohol out of my house. Not sure if you bought the wine on the way home or had it already. But if you still have any, get rid of it. The temptation so early on is great.

If you can call someone from one of your meetings, try that. Other people have done what you did and can help you through it. And keep posting.

The funny thing about alcoholics is we all think we're unique until we meet each other and realize we've all been doing the same crazy things. You're not alone in this.

Anna

Eli, learn from the experience and move on. You can make simple changes that will help. One thing I did was to completely avoid my normal route home. Know that you can manage to do this, but be prepared to make changes in your life.

CarolD

Welcome..

I too returned to drinking...more than once after I decided to quit.
Please keep trying....you are so worth the effort.

Nuway2fly

I relate so very well, too, eli. I don't know anyone who got it down pat from the very beginning. I've slipped up more times than I care to admit. But keep at it, because you can do it!

soulgypsy

I understand the feeling--picking myself back up today too. Glad you are here. All we can do is move forward from this place, from this moment. Day 1, take 2.

peprokket

eli...I can't tell you how many times I've done that. I don't even know what happens. It's as if my brain just stops...I walk into the store...buy a six pack and the next thing you know I'm drunk again. I stay angry at myself. I quit for about 4 months last year and I felt so good physically and emotionally. I don't understand why I can't get back to that point. I guess that should be "won't". I suppose I haven't wanted it bad enough.

Hang in there and start over. Today can be your quit day.