youngun

Hi everyone,

I managed a week of sobriety before falling off the wagon in 'style'. It was a friends birthday bbq yesterday and the little voice inside my head told me that it's fine to have a drink - usual excuses of 'everyone else is', 'I'm not that bad', 'I'll just have a few civilised drinks with food', 'i'll make sure I drink water' e.t.c... Well it was no surprise when I woke up this morning and didn't remember anything past around 5 yesterday afternoon. A friend was filling me in on my 'hilarious antics' including looking confused at two small pieces of baguette on the table and then proceeding to throw them into the garden (!?). Apparently it was very funny but I don't feel that way at all. A few guests turned up some time into the evening and I have no recollection of seeing them at all (when apparently I was talking to them for hours).

Sorry about the rant, just feeling very ashamed of myself so it's cathartic to vent a bit! How do you guys cope with the embarrassment of things you've done when you've been inebriated?

Hope you're all well,
Young 'un.

Sapling

I think if you are serious about doing this you're going to have to make some major changes for awhile...People...Places...And Things/Situations.

youngun

I think you are right Sapling. I sat down with my friend today and told him that I was stopping drinking. I think telling him was the first real step to sobriety as he is my partner in crime at the weekends.

MrsKing

Don't beat yourself up for this. Guilt and negativity towards ourselves make it that much harder to stay sober. Today is a new day and you can do this if you want it. That voice is something we all struggle with in the beginning - the only way to be free of it is to remember that it is full of lies and that you have more power than it. Perhaps it would be a good idea to avoid those sorts of situations where alcohol will be involved for the time being? Temptation is everywhere, I know, and it's tough to turn down invitations for things like birthdays. But you need to come first and if you find that voice gets worse in those situations, perhaps it's for the best that you wait until you are more secure in your sobriety before attending those kinds of events?

I deal with the embarrassing things I've done when sober by doing all that I can to never do those things again. I know I can't change the past and erase things I've said/how I've behaved, but through not adding to those embarrassing things I have learned to accept my past and move forward.

All the best to you x

Panacea

I am facing a neighborhood BBQ today as well....dreading it. I am sorry you fell of the wagon, young gun. I know you can rally and start again. Telling your friend/partners in crime is a good idea. I am on my 3rd day, still struggling with the 4-7 PM witching hour. I managed to tell my husband today that I was not drinking (he has heard this many times before and has a very jaded view of the statement/state of being). I am hoping that my actions will speak louder than my words.

Good luck to you! Panacea

youngun

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it. Congrats on your day 3, stay strong! Trust me when I say that I wish I would have stayed sober yesterday, there was no pleasure in blacking out and embarrassing myself. I hope my mistakes will help you stay sober for your bbq, good luck Panacea

Sapling

I'm not saying you never have to see the guy again...I just know for myself I had to get some time under my belt and the tools I needed to deal with certain people and situations....At one week going to a Birthday BBQ with my drinking buddies would have been a test I couldn't pass....At 14 months I can handle that...Even though the BBQ's I attend these days are with non drinking alkies for the most part....It doesn't bother me to have it around ...You'll get there...It takes some effort. Just keep moving forward.

Dee74

I agree with the changes idea - I tried to live my old life, sober - it didn't work, youngun.

As for embarrassment, the best way to get over that is not to put yourself in embarrassing situations anymore.

Whats done is done, but you can make darn sure you never end up in that kind of situation again

what have you been doing for your recovery so far?

D

Anna

Yes, change is so important and it looks like you're finding your way.

By the way, I blacked out a number of times, and thinking about it now still chills me. Just remember that you don't have to go through that again.

instant

Giving up is a learning game. Try not to make the same mistakes twice. That little voice can be a b&&&h. Learning about AVRT might help you understand it. Check it out at Rational Recovery.

It took me many years and many attempt to get to where I am.

hypochondriac

For whatever reason some people find it hilarious when you can't remember what happened the night/day before. I suspect those people have never actually experienced a blackout because it is quite frankly terrifying and not funny at all.

For me the only way to deal with the embarrassment was to not drink anymore and be safe in the knowledge that I will never have to go through that again. It sucks being other peoples entertainment.

MetalChick

I dealt with the embarrassment with more drinking for a long time. Until I realized that it would go on forever. Now I am regaining my dignity and self respect.

We will get our self respect back, youngun.

great post hypochondriac

vegan

I only got super loaded at home drinking alone.. I took a few nasty falls which had my family witnessed they would have cried not laughed... one time a friend came over unexpectedly and I hid in my closet until he left I was so drunk and that embarrassed me and my kids..very sad....they are very happy for me today day 51 sober....that is the best way to cope with embarrassment..just quit.. when there is a will there is a way..God luck

MetalChick

On my last neighborhood BBQ, I drank God knows how many jello shots, didn't eat, and got drunk of my ass. I staggered home and couldn't figure out how to get my key in the door, so I passed out in the bushes outside.

I felt like a laughing stock.

Hope your BBQ turned out better

Someguy23

If it's any consolation, throwing baguettes into the garden is rather restrained as far as drunken screw ups go. I've done worse without even having to black out.

I'm an expert at this!

The first thing to remember is that others care much less about this than you do. They'll pass the story around, have a few chuckles about it and then forget about it. Trust me.

The second thing is that embarassment is, in a way, good. It would be more worrying if you no longer felt embarassed or felt resigned. If you feel embarassed, it means you realize you're better than this.

The third thing, as Dee said, is to draw the appropriate conclusions so as not to embarass yourself again

Get back on the wagon, and good luck.

P.S.
I'm not sure about this. My experience with blackouts is rather limited, but they bothered me only to the extent that my behaviour during them bothered me. Of the three I had, one I still consider rather funny.